


The Heart Isn't Blind

by morganaDW (morgana07)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Jensen Ackles, Bodyguard Jared, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jared Padalecki, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FBI Agent Jensen Ackles, Federal Marshal Jared, Happy Ending, Hurt Jared, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Jared, Protective Jensen, Sex Trafficking, Some Humor, Tags May Change, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Blindness, There will be sex, Time Skips, Top Jensen, Topping from the Bottom, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 08:11:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16698691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgana07/pseuds/morganaDW
Summary: Federal Marshal Jared Padalecki's life changed in the blink of an eye with the explosion that he believed took his lover's life. Now eighteen months later, a call makes him doubt everything he'd believed had happened that day and sets him on a course to discover the truth even if that truth might hurt worse than believing the lie.Jensen Ackles had been a tough as nails FBI agent who kept himself closed off and others at a distance to avoid the risk of his past ever repeating itself. That all changed when he crossed paths with Jared on a mutual case and he took the risk to open his life and his heart to the Marshal.A trap set by an enemy seeking to destroy Jensen appears to have succeeded until the truth is revealed and Jared must decide if he can forgive the lies and secrets to protect a man he still loves but whose injuries from months of captivity has left him blind with no memories of his past.Choosing to risk his heart and his life when the threats to Jensen are much closer than anyone believed, Jared will learn that maybe the heart isn't blind after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my entry for the 2018 RBB challenge on LiveJournal! It's been a couple years since I've done one and was so excited with the piece of art I got. The original art prompt was titled Blindfold and is from the extremely talented Blondeblitz. Be sure to check her out on LiveJournal.
> 
> Warnings: Explicit for language, as well as eventual sexual content. There are mentions of past implied child abuse as well as implied abuse of other kinds. Nothing is shown but there are a couple mentions and further in the story there is implied sexual abuse as well as implied violence. Nothing is seriously shown until towards the end. There is also some angst, some humor and of course the ever present happy ending. There could also be implied character death but...trust me it all works out. Tags might change.
> 
> Art by: Blondeblitz
> 
> Beta'd By: lotrspnfangirl
> 
> Author Note: I want to thank Blondbitz for allowing me to write this piece for her wonderful art and for being so patient with the time it took me to complete the story and to get her these links. I also want to thank my beta since without her this would be a lot more confusing, lol.

 

 

#  Chapter One

_ ‘Jared!’ _

_ ‘J-Jensen? Get… get out!’ _

_ ‘Not without you, Jay.’ _

_ ‘It’s a trap! Jensen! He’s-’ _

_ ‘I know. Trust me?’ _

_ ‘Of course I do, but…’ _

_ ‘Then trust me one more time, Jared. Once I cut you loose, hit that window to your left and don’t look back. I’ll be right behind you.’ _

_ ‘Promise?’ _

_ ‘For better or worse, Marshal Padalecki.’ _

_ ‘In six weeks it’ll be til death do us part, Agent Ackles, so you’d better be right behind me.’ _

_ ‘That’s the plan, babe. I love you, Jared. Now, go! Out that window and no matter what happens don’t look back! Go Jay!’ _

_ ‘Jensen? Jensen!! _ ’

“ **_Jensen_ ** !”

Jared Padalecki shot straight up in bed as thunder crashed above his head, bright streaks of lightning illuminating the night sky. The light show reminded him of the flash he’d seen only moments before the old warehouse on a waterfront in San Diego exploded along with every piece of the life the former United States Marshal had known.

That day, eighteen months earlier, was never far from the thirty-two-year-old Texas native’s thoughts; especially not when Jared wasn’t sure who he blamed more, the rogue FBI agent who’d turned a simple joint assignment into a nightmare, or himself for not realizing his best friend, lover, and fiancé had known when he went into that warehouse against orders that it had been set to explode.

Sitting up on the side of the bed, Jared rubbed both hands back through his dark hair, long enough to just brush his broad shoulders. The slight tickle as he moved had him noticing that they his shoulders were shaking like they did every time he woke up after reliving the moment that forever changed his life.

Jared had joined the military after high school and from there the Marshals. He was good at his job, despite having a fast temper and instinctually going with his gut rather than the rule book. Jared and the team he worked with quickly gained the reputation of being able to find any fugitive they were tasked with and had just finished shutting down a major drug operation when they first crossed paths with an FBI team working the same case.

It was then that he first saw Senior FBI agent, Jensen Ackles. It was mutual for both men; the chances were high one of them would kill the other in the first forty-eight hours of meeting.

Jensen Ackles was the FBI’s wonder boy, or so Jared had always heard. He was calm, cool, almost emotionless in the field, which made him perfect to handle the violent crimes his FBI unit got handed. He was also the total opposite of the younger U.S. Marshal who tended to act first and ask questions later.

The first case their units worked together on was a kidnapping case involving a senator’s grandchild, and it was easy for Jared to see that he and Jensen had very different ways of operating. After a rough start and a few punches thrown on both men’s parts, they were successful in rescuing the child and both agencies were happy.

Jared had just been happy to get the case closed without losing his job since he knew he hadn’t made many friends with the other FBI agents. He’d been shocked when a week later, his superior called him into his office to inform him that the agent in charge had praised his performance.

Six months later during a rather rough sex trafficking case, Jared found his path crossing once more with the still cold and almost arrogant Ackles. Jared had gone undercover to find the source of the sex trafficking ring, only to have his ‘meeting’ raided and to become ‘arrested’.

“ _ You blew my op _ !” had been Jared’s first words after being shoved into an interrogation room where the smirking FBI agent was leaning on the table, waiting for him. “I was this close to finding the head of the ring and your goddamn feds have now blown it  _ and  _ my cover!”

“No, you were actually that close to becoming one of those victims you were trying help because your cover had already been blown by a dirty Vice cop three weeks ago, Padalecki,” Jensen replied calmly, dangling the keys to the cuffs still restraining the furious Marshal. “Once you’ve settled your butt down and stop wanting to rip my throat out, I’ll take the cuffs off. Then I’ll tell you how to find the head of this ring as well as where they’re keeping their victims. That is, if you want to trust me… Jared.”

Jared had heard one too many stories about trusting the wrong person, especially in their line of work, but for some reason, even though he and Jensen were polar opposites and had different tactics, he found himself trusting the FBI agent.

Working with Jensen’s team did successfully close the ring, as well as save several missing victims, but Jared still wasn’t certain he called it a  _ win.  _ They’d been too late to save five people killed earlier that very day, a few even as the raid was starting.

Rarely did Jared drink, since he knew how easy it was to lose himself in the booze if he was in pain or emotional. But that night, he needed out. He left his team, escaping the lecture on ‘letting his emotions get the better of him’ by the lead FBI agent, and went back to his motel room as quickly as possible. He was not expecting to find Jensen waiting for him.

“It won’t get easier. You’ll always feel the pain of losing a victim, of feeling you failed to act fast enough. I figure you’re blaming me for the two days you feel you lost by playing by my rules,” Jensen said from where he sat in a chair beside the window, nodding to the open bottle of whiskey he’d brought with him. “Your cover was blown, Jared. Those bastards knew who and what you were the night you went into that meeting, and we both know they would’ve either killed you there or you would’ve seen the other side of sex trafficking. I made the decision that night to blow your op even though my orders had been to wait. I was supposed to let you get grabbed so we could move on the ringleader. But… I couldn’t.”

"Why?" Jared asked, confused and still angry about being arrested that night. "If you’d let them grab me, then your team might have been led right to the boss! You could’ve…"

Jensen had taken a sip of the drink in his hand while watching Jared. "Because I wasn’t taking the risk of either losing you to them or being unable to find you if they chose to make you one of their ‘special’ cases." he’d replied before sighing. "You’re a good Marshal, Jared. I know you’ve been lectured on leading with your heart instead of your head, and I know you feel like I’m basically an uncaring bastard, but I’ve been down that rabbit hole before. I have seen the things you haven’t, I’ve lived in the dark, and I’m trying to keep you from seeing that side of this life we live.”

Jensen paused, giving Jared a contemplating look before he sighed. “Please, take my advice tonight. Drink this bottle, vent and rant about me being a bastard, and then the next job your boss wants to assign you that involves my team? Turn it down. Turn it and any other one involving us down because you’re a good man with a good heart, Jared Padalecki. I don’t want to see you turned into the man I am or worse." Jensen nodded his head once before clapping Jared’s shoulder and leaving the room.

Jensen’s words succeeded in confusing Jared even more, which was the reason he gave himself later that he went after the other man. "Wait, why does it matter to you?" he asked once he’d caught up to Jensen just as the man reached his car. "You’re the golden boy of the FBI! Or so my boss says. You’re the by-the-book, ice in the veins, type of agent that the feds are dying to have. So shouldn’t you be in my face about following my heart or… Wait, you said your  _ orders _ were to let me be grabbed but you… you broke your orders for me? Why?"

"The first answer is I used to be like you, Jared. I wanted to help people and stop the bad guys. I followed my heart until the day it nearly cost me my life. I learned the hard way that sometimes those we want to help can be just as bad as those we want to stop."

Jensen paused with his hand on the door of the rental car, debating his next move. Then he slowly looked back, a small smile on his ruggedly handsome face. "The other answer? The reason I’m heading back to DC with full expectations of getting my ass handed to me due to my choice to make my job harder by my actions the other night? I think… I think I could actually learn to let myself love you,” Jensen’s voice dropped to a whisper, and he glanced up to meet Jared’s eyes before adding, “And I didn’t plan on losing you to those bastards. Now, I just have to make myself stay away from you. Goodbye, Jared."

Those words had stunned Jared, as well as confused him, and lingered in the back of his mind. He was still thinking of them when six weeks later, he received a late night call at home. Within moments, he knew his life was changing in a way he’d never expected.

"Two weeks ago, FBI agent Jensen Ackles was kidnapped on a solo mission to apprehend the head of a sex trafficking ring and tortured for weeks. He’s in bad shape, but he’s asking for you. I’m texting an address. It’s your choice if you want to come, but if choose to, he said to tell you that he might not be able to ‘do that last thing he said to you’," a gruff and very annoyed voice said abruptly before Jared had been able to get out a sleepy greeting. "I hope that makes sense to you because it sure as hell doesn’t to me. Then again, he was bleeding out pretty badly when he said it -- And Kid, don’t cuss me out or when you show your face, I might punch you."

Jared wasn’t certain  _ who _ he was cussing right that second, but once his brain woke up enough to recognize the voice as FBI Agent Chris Kane, the man had already disconnected. Jared scowled and threw his phone down to grab some clothes, quickly shoving a few outfits into a bag. He tugged on a pair of jeans and was out the door in under twenty minutes. He had only started to ask himself why he was willing to drive a hundred and twenty miles in the middle of the night for a man he barely knew, a man who both confused and frustrated him, when he was pulling into a hospital parking lot and bypassing two men that he knew were on Jensen’s FBI team.

"You can fuck off now, Kane!” Jared yelled as soon as he stepped off of the elevator. Later, he would blame too little sleep, perhaps too much black coffee and a belly full of nerves. But the second he sat the black-haired, Oklahoma native, he felt his blood boil. “Or I might remember to punch you for not bothering to call me two goddamn weeks ago when Jensen was nailed!" He stopped inches from Kane and glared. “Where’s Jensen? How is he? Who grabbed him and are the bastards dead?”

Debating on how he wanted to react to the young Marshal’s arrival, while also knowing the long term effects he’d face if he went with his gut reaction, Chris Kane took a moment to collect his thoughts before pushing off from the nurse’s station. He had known by an amused Michael Rosenbaum’s report that Jared had arrived that the man was upset, but Kane knew Jensen would be pissed if he didn’t keep his cool.

"Jensen’s FBI, Padalecki. My team takes care of its own. Plus, considering Jensen was nailed operating solo while under suspension, it was hard enough to get clearance for my own team, much less involve a goddamn, annoying, pain in my ass Federal Marshal,” he replied tightly, reminding himself that he’d been the one to call the damn kid in the first place. “Short answers are Jensen’s down the hall. He’s in serious, but stable, condition with a broken leg, broken collarbone, a through and through wound in the shoulder, and a knife wound to the side. He has various other interesting wounds I won’t bother to fill you in on. He’s semi-conscious and hyped on the good stuff, so there’s a damn good chance he may not remember anything he actually says to you right now. Hell, when he comes around completely, he might be pissed that I listened to his shock-and-excessive-blood-loss demands.” Kane paused and narrowed his eyes at the Marshal before shaking his head. “Half think I never should’ve listened to him and called you."

Kane waited to see if Jared might throw a punch or argue over the lack of information, and when he didn’t, he motioned the Marshal to follow him down the hall. Jensen’s request to see Jared was curious, and had Kane debating what else he wanted to say and what else he figured Jensen might or might not want Jared to know. 

"As for who nailed him,” he said softly, knowing without looking that Jared was listening, “Guy’s working for Mark Rolston, the head of the trafficking ring you nearly had your ass nailed by. They grabbed him and had him for two weeks before we caught a break and a location…” A loud slam made him stop walking and close his eyes. “Jared, don’t punch the wall. We’re in a damn hospital.” He looked back at the sound of gritting teeth and wondered if the Marshal knew how many emotions he was showing with just those few actions. “Rolston’s still in the wind since he’s got friends in high places making it hard to touch him, but the losers he left with Jensen were…  _ dealt _ with. Let’s let it go at that.”

From knowing how the FBI worked, Jared knew that perhaps it was best he didn’t know the details in full. Instead of pushing, he chose another item to focus on as Kane stopped near a door at the end of the hall. “Why was Jensen suspended? Why did he go solo after this Rolston guy and… Was he suspended for doing what he did when he ‘arrested’ me?” he asked, lowering his voice as if sensing this might not be something Kane or Jensen would want him to know. “Why call me at all, Kane?”

“Jensen and Rolston have had issues in the past, and he can choose to tell you about or not. As for why he was suspended…” Kane paused to take a deep breath, debating on his reply to this one carefully. “He needs to be the one to give you that answer, but I think you know why. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure he told you what our orders were that night.” He met Jared’s eyes briefly before continuing, “The Bureau is touchy when it comes to Rolston, Padalecki. Some of the powers that be want to see the man wiped out. As a former top agent, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth to have him now working sex trafficking and drugs. The rest of those powers would prefer to leave him alone because the things Rolston knows could be problematic, so to speak.

“As for why I called you, I told you on the phone that Jensen was asking for you.” Kane took a deep breath before nodding to the door. “You step inside, you’ll need to make some choices. If he chooses to not push you away, to let you into the private little world he guards so closely, if he opens up and gives you even a hint about his past, -- which very few people know about -- it might change the life you’re used to.” He caught Jared’s shoulder as he went to reach for the door. “Jared, I’ve known Jensen Ackles for fifteen years and he’s never risked an op or his future in the Bureau before meeting you. So just… when he tries to rile you up on purpose or pushes you away, he’s doing it to protect not only himself but you. Remember that. Now,” he dropped his hand away from the taller man and straightened his shoulders, “ I’m going to go see about changing Welling’s mind about pressing charges against you for whatever the hell you did downstairs.”

Jared’s mind was too busy processing everything he’d just taken in to really care about the dark haired, arrogant FBI agent he’d punched in the hospital lobby. He nodded absently before reaching for the door. Stepping into the private hospital room, he had to work to settle his sudden nerves. He wiped damp palms on his jeans as he walked closer to the bed, wondering just how many of Jensen’s injuries Kane didn’t mention as he took in the bruises that covered the man’s pale, thin face.

Jensen appeared to be sleeping uneasily, but it was sleep nonetheless and allowed Jared a moment to survey the damage. The man’s right eye was badly swollen, a dark purplish green color surrounding the lid and his cheekbone. His left shoulder had a thick, gauze bandage over what he imagined was the bullet wound and a dark bruise stretched from beneath it and across his throat. Bruises, superficial scrapes, and cuts that Jared just knew came from a blade, were littered over every inch of skin he could see, along with circular and oblong burns from a cigarette, a hot poker. His stomach twisted and he was grateful there was more skin he couldn’t see.

Seeing a chair beside the bed, Jared went to sit down, being cautious to not bump the bed or make a noise that might disturb the sleeping FBI Agent. As he sank into the hard plastic, Jared’s hazel eyes moved up only to realize that either he hadn’t been as quiet as he thought, or Jensen hadn’t been sleeping. Glassy green eyes, opened as far as the swelling would allow, were locked on him.

“Hey,” he murmured, unsure why he was suddenly so nervous when he knew there was no reason to be. “I… I didn’t mean to wake you. I know you need to rest, but… Kane called me. He, uh, said you were asking for me and… shit.” Jared stopped when he realized he was close to babbling, forcing himself to take a deep breath and remember he was a damn professional.

_ Both _ he and Jensen were professionals. They’d worked together. They’d fought, bickered, and came close to blows more than a few times on their first job together, so why was every sidelong look, smirk, and teasing grin Jensen had given him filling his head? Why was staring at the man before him making him recall those damn last words about Jensen maybe learning to love him? Nevermind learning that it was potentially his fault Jensen was hurt to begin with, knowing the other man had been suspended for helping him. God, Jared felt like a teenager again facing his crush.

“Okay. I’m going to go so you can get back to sleep, I’ll just be out in the hall. Or perhaps I should see if Kane’s talked Welling out of pressing charges since I might have punched the jackass when I got here… Uh, so you just rest and I’ll…” Jared knew he was rambling this time but figured he could get a better hold of his sudden jumping nerves once he was out of the room. He’d started to stand, freezing in place when he felt weak fingers brush over his wrist before slowly managing to close around him. Jensen’s eyes remained steady as he gazed up at the nervous Marshal and Jared swallowed hard. “Jensen? Do you need something? I can get or I can call a nurse or something…”

“… S-stay… Jay…” Jensen rasped, his voice barely above whisper. A look passed over his face, showing pleasant surprise at being heard when Jared paused in standing and then sat back down. “You… came.”

Sitting back in the chair, Jared kept his eyes on Jensen’s face, his eyebrows narrowed slightly in concentration as if he was trying to gauge how alert the other man was, or if he looked to be in pain. The concentration allowed him to try not to show how his pulse jumped when Jensen’s weak grasp on his wrist shifted enough that he’d caught Jared’s hand. The FBI agent didn’t relax until Jared gripped it a little tighter, returning the connection.

“If Kane would’ve called me or the office when it happened, I would have been here sooner,” Jared replied with a scowl, still pissed off at the other FBI agent. He shook his head to push the irritation away, knowing dwelling on it wasn’t what Jensen needed now. “He said you were asking for me, but he also added he thought it might’ve been because of loss of blood.” Jared gave a small, tentative smile, then sighed. “What the hell happened, Jen?” he asked, not realizing he’d shortened Jensen’s name until he saw a small change on the injured man’s face and inwardly kicked himself. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Lack of sleep or being freaked out by Kane’s call is what we can blame it on if you want or -” Jared shook his head, cutting off the impending rambling, and gave a tight smile. “I really need to let you sleep. I shouldn’t have woken you up.”

Jensen hadn’t really been sleeping; he hated hospitals as a general rule and he especially hated this one since he was in pain and had too many memories of the last two weeks of the hell he’d just gone through.

He’d honestly believed he’d die in that filthy hole in the wall. Storming out of his superior’s office after the woman had gotten into his face over his recent decisions in the field, he realized only too late that his own temper and emotions had led him to make a very costly error in judgement. The last thing he had expected after spending weeks staring at the same four walls he believed would be his coffin, was the white fluorescent hospital lights and worried face of his friend, Chris Kane. 

Jensen knew he’d allowed himself to start to get too close to Jared. It didn’t matter that he continued to remind himself there were reasons he’d kept his emotions locked down and never allowed himself to get close to anyone he worked with. He kept his friendships casual or strictly business, except for Kane -- but that was an exception he allowed because they’d known each other since middle school. Chris was one of the very few who knew the secrets he kept and why.

The first time he met Jared Padalecki, Jensen knew that if he wasn’t careful, the stubborn, often impatient with his hair trigger temper and a huge heart worn boldly on his sleeve, Federal Marshal could cause him some issues with his own heart. But he was good at his job, good a protecting himself, and he was confident he could put it aside if he just steered clear of the younger man. Then, the last job when Jensen realized Jared had gotten himself in over his head without even realizing it, was when he knew he was in trouble emotionally. 

Fifteen years in the FBI had taught Jensen how to not allow a case, a victim, any other person or situation to get under his skin. The life he’d left behind to join the FBI had taught him to never allow anything or anyone to become important to him; the risks were too great. The night Jensen drove away from Marshal Jared Padalecki should have been the end, and he supposed it might’ve been if his superiors hadn’t made that next to impossible.

There were things that Jensen didn’t plan on ever revealing to his team about why he’d been suspended or why he’d chosen to act so rashly by going after the head of the sex trafficking ring. He didn’t plan on telling anyone what had happened to him during that time, other than what could obviously be seen, or why he’d insisted upon waking up and realizing he’d been rescued that Jared be called.

Jensen knew he should tell the others, especially Jared, some of those things, but he’d made a choice years ago that he’d keep his secrets to protect those he cared for. So he simply added them to the growing list of things he locked deep inside his own heart. 

Except for one thing.

He couldn’t keep Jared completely in the dark. It was the main reason he’d insisted to a disapproving Chris Kane that he call Jared and give him the message he had.

“What… what did Chris tell you, Jared?” he asked after a long moment of silence, prolonged by taking a careful sip of the ice water Jared had located to help him wet his split lip and dry mouth.

“That you’d been suspended after helping me and that you’d been grabbed after you went after Rolston solo.” Jared considered what he had been told, adding in what he’d read in between the grim faced agent’s unspoken words. “He also told me you said that if I came, you might not be able to keep the promise to stay away from me. He said some other things, too, that make me want to ask a lot of questions, but I guess that can wait until you get out of here. Unless you push me away, which Kane was adamant that was a possibility.” He glanced down to their hands, Jensen’s fingers closing over his. The bruises on the agent’s knuckles were angry, red and purple, and Jared found himself staring. “Were you really suspended because you helped me?”

“Yes, I took a six month suspension over that.” Jensen winced as the pain in his shoulder started to increase, but refused Jared’s offer to call for the nurse. He’d rather cope with pain than lose the ability to think clearly, especially now as he saw the moment his choice of words dawned on the Marshal. “There are things I can’t… things I won’t tell you yet about what happened after I left you at your motel that night, but I want you to know that nothing was your fault.”

Jared’s eyes went wide at that and he started to argue. If Jensen’s suspension had been over his choice to help him rather than follow orders, then it  _ was _ Jared’s fault. But before those words could come out, he went silent as Jensen cut him off.

“I protect what’s mine, Jared.” Jensen suspected he was tossing a lot on Jared, considering they barely knew one another outside of the times they’d worked together, and not all of those had been the best meetings. “I already knew you were going to be a huge risk for me ever since that first time we met and you mouthed off to me. My first instinct wasn’t to break your jaw… though it was a thought once or twice later on. You have a bad habit of mouthing off before you think. My basic first instinct that day was something else entirely, and that was why I walked out like I did.”

“I think my basic first impression of you was that you were an arrogant, cold blooded, son of a bitch that only saw the ends justifying the means so long as your job was completed successfully. I… well, I also think I might’ve said that to your face, too, so I thought that was why you’d walked out of the room.” 

Jared’s pulse jumped as he felt Jensen’s thumb ghost over his wrist, almost absently. He locked eyes with Jensen, watching the other man’s lips curve up slightly on one side in a half smile, half smirk. Jared swore Jensen did it to tease him. “Why did you walk out, Jensen?” he asked curiously.

“I walked out because I didn’t think your team or mine, except for Kane, would’ve been ready for me to shut you up by kissing you.” Jensen let one side of his mouth quirk up in a tired half smile as Jared’s eyes jumped from watching the way Jensen’s thumb was still restlessly gliding over his wrist up to his eyes. “We’ll blame the drugs that have technically worn off for what I’m about to say, and if you’re straight or involved with a hot blond then you have my permission to punch me, but... I really do want to kiss you sometime, Jared,” he added and silently adored the way Jared’s eyes went wide a second before his cheeks tinged a faint pink. But he didn’t look away from Jensen’s gaze. “Are you?”

“Am I what?” Jared asked automatically, blinking once before groaning when it dawned on him what Jensen meant. “No, I’m not straight or involved with anyone. Well, except my neighbor’s German Shepherd. And that so didn’t come out like I meant it to,” he was quick to say and swore he needed to shut the hell up. Embarrassment ebbed back into concern when he heard Jensen chuckle, seconds before wincing as his broken ribs seared to life. 

“Gonna tell me why you went solo after this guy, Jensen?” Jared asked softly after Jensen caught his breath..

“I thought I did when I told you that I protect what’s mine, Jay.” Jensen knew that wasn’t really an answer, and not the one he knew Jared deserved, but the truth was a long gory story that would have to be explained later. “Fair’s fair. If I let you call me Jen when we’re alone, then I get to call you that,” he added without bothering to tell Jared that he was the first person that he’d allow to shorten his name without earning a fist to the face. “Okay?”

Jared considered that for a half a second before nodding. “I can live with that,” he agreed and swore his heart stopped for a second when Jensen ignored the pain he was in to flash him a beautiful, wide smile. Jared knew that no matter what else happened, from this moment on, he was lost. “Will you ever tell me what it is you’re hiding, Jensen?” he asked, knowing that it would be some time before he learned more of Jensen’s life and secrets, but hoping he one day would. “And…are we, or I mean, do you want to be… uh, are we dating?”

“I will… in time.” Jensen knew he owed Jared more, especially if he was inviting him into his life as more than an occasional co-worker. But trust was something Jensen had learned the hard way could hurt him if he gave it too freely. While he  _ did _ trust Jared, a feat that shocked him still, he needed the time to be sure the younger Federal Marshal would be able to handle the secrets Jensen kept. “As for the other thing? Ask me that once I get released from here. We’ll lose Kane and the others and we can see if we keep from killing one another over dinner.” 

He heard Jared’s soft laugh and found himself smiling. He shifted on the bed to get more comfortable, hoping positioning himself would help with the pain so he could continue talking to Jared without the haze of medication. He froze and looked up, closing his fingers tighter around Jared’s hand when he felt him start to move. “Stay. Please.”

“I wasn’t going to leave, Jen. I just wanted to go tell someone you need some more pain meds. You’ve been biting your bottom lip enough that it’s bleeding.” Jared could tell the man was in pain, but also knew his aversion to taking more medication. “Of course, if I head out there the staff or your team might kick me out… that is if Welling doesn’t have me arrested for earlier first,” he added, only slightly half kidding. 

Jensen opened his mouth to answer, when both men heard a noise on the door to the room before it opened. “Am I being booted Kane?” Jared asked without bothering to look to see who’d entered; Jared could tell when Jensen only tensed slightly at who it was. “Jensen needs pain meds, even if he doesn’t want them.”

Christian Kane smirked as he debated on his reply to Jared’s comment about being booted, then noticed Jensen’s grip on Jared’s hand. It didn’t escape him how Jensen’s hand seemed to tighten as Chris stepped closer to the bed. “I think I convinced Welling that pushing to have you arrested wouldn’t be in his best interest considering Mike said he deserved that punch to the face.” He watched Jensen’s tired eyes slowly force themselves up to pin him, and didn’t miss the look shot his way. “Convincing the staff here not to boot you though might be a little harder unless I call some favors in.”

“Call them in.” Jensen’s tone, while still soft, went sharp as he pinned his longtime friend with a hard look. “He stays or I walk. And tell… tell Welling to back the hell off or else he’s gone as soon as I get back to work,” he put in with a grimace as the pain in his hip caused him to grit his teeth. He waved both Kane and Jared off, determined to get his point across to his teammate. “Chris… I…”

“Hey, calm down before you make yourself worse and have to stay here longer.” Jared was quick to place his free hand up on the uninjured shoulder closest to him, his stomach clenching as he felt Jensen go rigid at the touch. But before he could move his hand back, he watched Jensen shake his head and force himself to exhale, slowly relaxing as much as the pain would allow him. “Even if I get booted, I’ll still be in the hospital, Jensen. But you need to let them give you something for the pain and you need to sleep.”

Watching the way Jensen handled the touch to his shoulder told Kane everything he needed to know about the situation he was now facing. “If Jared sits in here with you, if he’s the only one in here other than me when a doctor has to come in, will you let them give you just enough morphine to take the edge off so you can sleep?” he asked as he stepped closer but not missing the way Jared tensed after feeling Jensen do the same.

Jensen considered it and only once he heard Jared softly urging him to allow them to administer a dose of morphine and ‘ _ please, rest’ _ , did he nod his acceptance. “Just enough to take the edge off and he stays in here.” He eyed Chris fully. “No one makes Jared leave and you don’t let anyone else come in here without you or…”

“Dude, I know the protocol if you have to be admitted into a hospital for longer than a night.” Kane smirked, waving a hand as if to dismiss the orders he knew would be coming. “I’ll clear it that the kid can stay. And when a doctor or nurse has to come in here, I’ll be here,” he added, stepping closer to the door to go get the ball rolling. “Oh and since Padalecki’s going to be with you, I’m sending the rest of the team out. I’ll have Mikey stay with him, but we don’t need a full team to do what Mikey and I can handle by ourselves.”

Jensen nodded but chose not to reply as Kane left the room; he understood what was unspoken in his friend’s last comment. “Once they give me the drugs, it doesn’t take long to pull me under, so now would be a good time to ask me any of the hundreds of questions I’m sure are swirling in your brain.” He glanced at Jared and clarified, “About me, the case, or anything.” 

He nodded, mentally preparing himself for the first question and making himself relax the grip he had on Jared’s hand. He was a little surprised when instead of moving his hand back, all Jared did was shift it so their palms touched. The other man settled further in his chair, crossing one leg over the other as he studied Jensen.

“No,” Jared said after a moment, “because I’d never take advantage of you like that. I’m not going to ask you things you might not be ready for me to know when you’re hyped on drugs.” Jared saw Jensen’s eyebrows lift as if surprised by his response. “Do I have a lot of questions? Yeah, I do. I’m thinking there’s more to you not liking hospitals, to not wanting to take the pain meds, and more to wanting me in here with you. Only allowing Kane in with the staff, Kane not letting more than one person be in here, and even then there’s a slim chance…” He trailed off, leaning forward so he could use his free hand to lightly touch a deep bruise on the side of Jensen’s face. He bit his lower lip, once again feeling the man tense at the touch before relaxing. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready to. I just hope you know you can trust me with whatever it is.”

“Trust is a sharp weapon that I’ve been hurt with before, Jared,” Jensen murmured, lids heavy. His eyelids fluttered as he turned his head to watch a grim faced nurse enter with Chris Kane. He argued briefly with her about the amount of medication, feeling smug for only a moment before he was reminded of the pain throughout his body. She sighed, drawing up half of the dose she recommended, then stormed from the room with Kane growling something too low for Jared to catch after. 

Jensen coughed, gaining Jared’s attention once more and added, “I trust very few people which is why the choices I’ve made regarding you surprises the people that know me best. And maybe it will surprise me too, after we see where we go.”

Jared suspected there was plenty about Jensen that he’d be surprised over, but for the moment all he wanted was to see the man relax and rest . “Sleep, Jen. I’ll be here when you wake up or if you need anything,” he promised quietly, giving the hand that still held his a light squeeze. He found himself smiling back as Jensen’s lips curved into a small smile, his entire facial expression and posture slowly releasing tension, until after a few more moments Jared could see the steady rise and fall of Jensen’s chest told him that he’d finally fallen into a deep sleep.

“I’m taking it that you’re sticking it out, Padalecki?” Kane’s voice asked softly from the door.

“For as long as he’ll let me,” Jared answered back. Jared wasn’t sure how long that might be, or even if what he thought might be building between them would last longer than Jensen’s stay in the hospital, but for now he was content to sit and watch the man sleep. Every so often, the FBI agent would tense in his sleep, waking up with wide eyes that would then lock with Jared’s for a moment before drifting back off to sleep. 

Every time, Jared felt his heart soar and break at the same time. “I’m with you, Jensen.”

As it would turn out, much to the surprise of both Jared and Jensen and their respective teammates, the two men not only managed to keep their dinner date, two weeks after Jensen was discharged, but had survived it. Fifteen months following had brought its fair share of shouting matches and tense moments, but they simply  _ worked _ . 

The biggest argument to date came when a pissed off Jared stormed into the Atlanta Office Jensen was stationed out of, having transferred four months earlier to be closer to Jared and the small home they’d begun to share.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing, Agent Ackles?” Jared demanded in a rare full display of his temper. He stormed through the office door, pinning Jensen with a narrowed gaze, even more furious as he saw calm green ones looking back at him.

“Care to define that a little more, Marshal Padalecki?” Jensen asked as he took his time in standing, lean body appearing at ease; very few would notice the tension in the arm that Jensen held out, palm pressing flat against Jared’s chest after the pissed off Marshal closed the distance between them. “Calm down and think before you mouth off, Jared,” he urged in a voice that he dropped a little lower, urging the other man to calm down.

“You got me reassigned! You son of a  _ bitch _ ! You knew my unit was supposed to work with yours in New Orleans, but today I’m told that the FBI Agent in charge requested a local unit of Marshals assist them, because ‘they would know the trafficking ring best’! You!” Jared had been shocked, then hurt, and then furious when he’d been informed of the change in plans.

He’d gone over all the possible reasons in his head on his way across town to the FBI building, a list ready in his mind built from his knowledge of their jobs and of Jensen himself, so he knew some of the reasons Jensen would’ve done this. But since they’d moved from professionals, to friends, then boyfriends and finally lovers, their teams had worked flawlessly together on every case they needed back up in. It confused him as to why this particular operation had been the one Jensen chose to not want to work with him. By the time he’d gotten to the floor and stormed through the door, he was working between pissed and hurt, all rationality was left back on the first floor.

Jensen’s too calm response and the half smirk he tended to give when in FBI-Mode succeeded in pushing Jared’s already tight temper past the boiling point. The moment Jensen’s hand went flat against his chest, Jared’s fist was already in motion. It wasn’t until he heard a soft grunt as Jensen’s head snapped back from the blow to his face and a shout from another agent at a desk near them, that he realized what had just happened…a second before he found himself face down on the closest desk, one arm twisted up tightly behind his back with Jensen’s weight pressing against him and forcing him against the desk. His other hand was trapped between the oak wood and his own body, fingers numbing against the pressure.

“One shot. One shot is all I’ll give, Jared, before I hit back. Now, settle your ass down before I have to pull my gun on the first person in this room that draws on you!” Jensen’s voice was deep and low as he leaned close enough so that his lips were right next to the struggling Marshal’s ear. “Jared!” he snapped, only this time it was in the tone of voice he used when he needed to gain control of a situation in the field. 

He felt Jared go still, slowly forcing his rage to bleed out, and the professional Federal Marshal was back in control. “If I let you go, do you promise not to swing on me again? Or do I need to knock your ass out until you’re willing to listen to me?” he demanded tightly.

Slowly, as if waking from a foggy dream, Jared went still and recalled what he’d just done. He was still angry, but also now embarrassed since he’d basically just lost his cool in a room full of FBI agents, several of whom still had issues with him.

“Let go,” he muttered, tensing his one arm to try to jerk it loose but grunting when Jensen gave his twisted arm another measured jerk to reminding him which one of them had control. “I’m… I’m cool. Let me go, Jensen. I’m… sorry. I overreacted, I guess, to learning you didn’t want to work with my team on this job. And--  _ Oh! _ ” Jared blinked when he felt the weight pinning him ease, but before he could think to move he found himself pulled up and quickly shoved towards an empty office.

“Go back to work! This is between the Marshal and myself!” Jensen snapped over his shoulder to the room full of staring agents as he moved quickly to get Jared somewhere more private. It became plain to him that this wasn’t going to wait until they got home. “In fact, none of you even saw him today if you were smart!”

Jared had only just started to find his temper again at being manhandled when he was shoved into a small office, heard the door slam shut with a curse about morons, and was backed against a wall a second before his head was pulled down into a heated kiss. Jensen’s mouth was just what he needed, the kiss served to both shut him up and calm him down. Jensen had learned quickly, sometime into their second fight a month after they’d started dating, that the best way to shut Jared up was to kiss him.

“Your team is the team of Marshals I’d prefer to work with on any job, Jay,” Jensen murmured against Jared’s lips after he’d broken the kiss, giving them both a chance to breathe. His teeth grazed over the Marshal’s mouth, giving little teasing bites against his soft, full bottom lip. He swallowed Jared’s contented sigh as he slowly moved the hand that wasn’t fisted in Jared’s long, thick dark hair down to press against the heart he could feel beating rapidly under his hand. “You know if given a choice I’d choose to work with you… just not on this case,” he added softly, applying more pressure to the hand against Jared’s chest when he felt the younger man tense.

“I’ll explain when I get home. Jared, it’s got nothing to do with not wanting to work with you but everything to do with you. I made the hardest choice in my career and asked for you to be reassigned.” He eased back to see that Jared’s was watching him; seeing the pain in those hazel eyes hurt Jensen more than nearly any wound he’d ever had. But this wasn’t the place to explain. “Jay, trust me?”

Staring into calm, green eyes, Jared gave himself a moment to focus on Jensen loosening his grip in his hair, comfort instead of control, as he carded gently through. Jared slowly relaxed against the wall and moved his hands from where he’d pressed them out on either side of himself, to grip Jensen’s narrow hips. He exhaled softly as Jensen stepped close enough that their chests were touching, giving in to the next kiss that claimed his mouth.

From the first time Jensen kissed him, two days after his release from the hospital, Jared knew he’d never grow bored of it; even now he swore the man never kissed him the same way twice. This kiss was a mix of heat and slow teasing that only the feel of Jensen’s weapon holstered at the small of his back and was a reminder that this was not the place to take the kiss deeper. Reluctantly, Jared broke the kiss with a soft groan but heard the low chuckle that Jensen understood his feelings.

“I do trust you, Jen,” Jared finally replied as Jensen slowly took a step back, but not before giving Jared’s hair another gentle touch with his fingers. He began to straighten the younger man’s shirt and jacket back into proper position as Jared added, “I just wish I had heard the news from you and not my boss.”

“You were supposed to hear the news from me, Jay. No one there, including that jackass above you, was supposed to tell you anything about the change until I could tonight. I know you, and I was afraid you’d think what you did and react like… well, like you did.” Jensen knew he’d have to figure out why his request to tell Jared himself hadn’t been listened to; there were people in his office that didn’t approve of his relationship status in general, some not even with Jared in particular. He started to feel a migraine at the base of his skull and was now seriously considering a change in career soon. “Are you done for the day?” he asked once he was sure neither one of them still looked like they’d been making out.

Still unhappy since he hadn’t gotten any concrete answer as to why Jensen had made the choice, Jared knew he could wait for his boyfriend to explain later. He smirked as he looked down at Jensen, his lover’s collar still askew, and wondered if the building had a back door so he didn’t have to deal with the sneers and comments about his little performance as he left.

Blinking as he felt a pinch to his side, reminding him that his focus still wasn’t all there as Jensen repeated his question. Only this time with a little more concern showing in his slight smile. “Oh, uh, yeah. I was told to take the rest of the day off since my reaction to being told wasn’t any better there than it was here. Except here I didn’t throw a desk chair through the office door on my way out… I just punched my boyfriend.” Jared looked down, feeling embarrassed once more. “God, Jen, I’m so sorry, I didn’t -”

“Okay, so we seriously need to work on that temper of yours, Marshal Padalecki.” Jensen suspected there was more to that outburst at his office than what was being said; normally it took a lot more to make Jared throw something other than a fist.

“Not getting booted off this case with you would help that, Agent Ackles,” Jared shot back, but sighed when even he realized he was close to acting like a spoiled toddler. “Okay, okay. I’ll wait to see what excuse you have for it, but it better be really good, Jensen,” he muttered, reaching for the knob of the door. A warm hand was placed over his and he stopped. “I love you, Jen.”

“I love you too, Jay,” Jensen murmured before pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth, He pulled Jared’s arm back gently, sliding in front of him to open the door of the office so he could step out first. He surveyed the room quickly, making sure everyone in the main room had gone back to work -- or at least appeared to. He knew he was sure he’d be called up later for questioning about the disruption, but his boss not standing and waiting for him at his desk was a good sign. “Go home, work on that thing you swear is a car, and I’ll grab dinner on the way home. Don’t eat the cake the neighbor dropped off when I was leaving this morning, we can cut into it after dinner, as a dessert like normal people.”

“Well, there went that plan. I happen to think an entire cake is the perfect snack, but fine. I will wait for you.” Jared smirked, giving Jensen one last look before turning to leave. He walked through the office, aware of eyes on his back, but he held his head high until he was back out on the street. As he left  the FBI building behind him, he still couldn’t shake the uneasiness he’d had for the last few weeks that something just wasn’t right.

He hoped once he got home, the unease would disappear and he could wait for Jensen in peace. The house was one they’d both signed a lease for after Jensen transferred from New York to Atlanta once it became fairly obvious that neither one of them had the patience to carry on a long distance relationship.

The move hadn’t been popular with Jensen’s unit, and still Jared waited for the day when Christian Kane made the move south as the man was threatening to do. Jensen only laughed at his friend and vowed to pull strings to have Jared’s teammate and best friend, Chad Michael Murray, transferred to New York just to bug Chris. It would benefit Jensen knowing Chad would irritate Chris just as much as he did Jensen, the often hyper man easily got under Jensen’s skin.

The house on the outskirts of Atlanta wasn’t big, but it seemed to relax Jensen despite the clutter Jared left, a bad habit of dropping things as he went. It had a two car garage which allowed Jared to tinker on an old Model T Ford pick-up. The vehicle had barely been much more than a frame when he had it towed home one Sunday afternoon, but after he spent the rest of the day convincing Jensen he hadn’t lost his mind, it had been a staple in his free time to work on.

It had been easy to see early on that they had very different personalities, a fact that Kane pointed out very vocally the day on Jensen’s release from the hospital. Kane had been shocked when Jensen announced that he wasn’t spending the rest of his suspension recovering in New York, but he planned to rent a condo on a beach in South Carolina. He’d even managed to get Jared’s superior to agree to let him act as bodyguard once it got out that the man behind the FBI agent’s kidnapping might still be gunning for him.

“A beach? Jensen, you want to rent a beach condo in South Carolina with only Padalecki as security? Excuse me, but did that damn quack of a doctor say your mild concussion had resolved? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve lost your goddamn mind!” Kane shouted while stalking the hospital room as they waited for the release papers to be brought up. “First off, if you knew Rolston might still be gunning for your ass, you damn well should’ve told me so I could’ve gotten the others back here! Second off, if you think I’m letting you spend the rest of this bogus and stupid suspension with just the kid here watching your back, then I’m demanding another scan of your head!” Chris seethed, turning to stare at Jensen who only looked back at him calmly, waiting for him to finish. “And… and  _ finally _ , you two are going to kill one another within a week of being alone because you are way too different! Then who’s going to protect your ass and help you bury this kid after you kill him?”

Jared had been quietly standing beside the bed, determined to keep his mouth shut since he’d been shocked Kane hadn’t exploded. He raised an eyebrow at the last comment, looking down as Jensen chuckled, shaking his head at his best friend. It was fairly obvious that Jensen had issues with his own team of FBI agents, other than Kane and the tall, bald one that Jared could never remember the name of. The laugh had done something, though, and Kane had muttered under his breath before his shoulders relaxed.

Jensen’s calloused fingertips brushed over the back of Jared’s hand, grounding him as he focused on his friend. He leaned back on the pillows, one leg still propped up and his right arm and shoulder still heavily bandaged to keep both immobile. Then, he took a deep breath.

“Indoor voice, Kane. You’re making my head throb, so lower it.” For his part, Jensen had known this would be coming; he wished his friend had waited until Jared had gone to get the car, however. “I didn’t tell you about the possible threat because I thought the Bureau already had. I’d told Morgan when I called about getting Jared assigned as my protection detail, but he knew about it already. I don’t want Welling and the others there, and you know why. But if you and Mike want to beachcomb or whatever one does on a beach in South Carolina, that’s your business.” He raised an eyebrow, effectively cutting off anything Kane was going to interject. “If you get in Jared’s face too much I’ll kick your ass, and we both know it. As to us being too different… Chris, how will I know how different we are, or if we can stand one another, if we don’t spend time together outside of a hospital or work setting?” He arched one eyebrow as Kane turned on his heel. “Chris… trust me to know what’s best for me this time.”

“You know, you ask people to trust you when you don’t want to give it back in return, Jensen,” Kane shot back. A look crossed his face and he knew  he’d crossed a line even before Jared frowned and Jensen went to stand. Quickly, Kane waved his hand. “Okay, sorry. That wasn’t fair and I know it. But Jensen… I know your past, I know why you hold back your trust. I know things Padalecki doesn’t. I just want you to be sure you know what you’re doing before you hurt him like you try to avoid being hurt.” He looked between the men, adding, “And that’s for  _ your  _ benefit, not his. Don’t think I like you, Padalecki.” With a curt nod, he turned completely and left the room to see what was keeping their discharge paperwork.

Jared still wasn’t sure how the often brusque, gruff speaking Kane felt about him as either a Federal Marshal or Jensen’s boyfriend. The other man seemed to treat both friends and acquaintances the same, his attitude not changing towards Jared over the past year. But, Jared had to admit Kane was right in how different they were in both temper and personality.

Jared was quick to ignite a temper, where Jensen tended to sulk, even brood. Jared lashed out quick and moved on quicker, but once Jensen’s slow burning temper was ignited then it was like a totally different man in control.

Jensen also was naturally a man who needed order and structure, easily getting anxious when things were anything but. It had been an interesting few weeks in that rented condo, Jared nearly driving Jensen to drink with his habit of drop-and-go, leaving things wherever he stopped needing them. He’d been half worried that would be the end of things until Jensen started simply picking the item up, grumbling under his breath about Jared being a slob. Yet when Jared made the suggestion of renting a bigger condo so they’d both have space, he was privy to another side of the usually calm and ice cool FBI agent. It was then that he realized just how much of Jensen, the real Jensen, might be hidden behind that icy, in control façade.

“I grew up in a large house on the outskirts of Houston,” Jensen told him the night he’d almost melted down in near panic at the simple suggestion of a larger condo. It had been advised by Kane that Jared take a walk on the beach to give the now retreating into himself man some time to settle back down.

Jared had taken that walk, because it had also given him a chance to consider things. He’d learned a lot from just watching Jensen, listening to him when he did speak of his past -- albeit rare -- and how he acted around others. His sneakers were coated in beach sand as he returned to sit on the deck, the now dark condo at his back, as he watched the stars and listened to the water. He sensed Jensen was close even before the man started to speak.

“My family has been in politics for years, the oil business before that, so I guess you could say I grew up in a mansion by some of the standards set today. My parents were always busy, so I was basically raised by the housekeeper. I had one whole wing of the place as my own little world… my own little world that was a living hell by the time I was thirteen because I was heir to an oil fortune that would never be mine unless I played into the head games of my mother.” Jensen leaned on the cane he needed to support the still healing leg wound, something they still weren’t sure if it would be a permanent fixture after a secondary infection had caused a delay in his recovery. “I told you in the hospital that trust for me was a dangerous weapon. Like Chris so eloquently pointed out, I ask for it but have a hard time giving it in return.”

Standing so he could turn and face the other man, even in the dark Jared could see how pale Jensen appeared. It instantly had him on edge and worried, but he hesitated to take a step forward until Jensen moved his hand enough to let the younger man know it was safe to approach him. “Jensen, you don’t owe me any explanations if you’re not willing to-”

“You’ve seen me melt down how many times in the two weeks we’ve been here, Jared? If I want you to trust me and to actually earn your trust, if I want to honestly be able to say that I love you and mean the words, to expect you to love me back with all my secrets and faults... then I do owe you some explanation,” Jensen replied. He gave a shaky smile, knowing that while he still couldn’t tell the Marshal everything at once, he figured he had to start somewhere. “My father, my grandfather, and his father before him were Marines so I was raised with the belief of always being strong, of always pushing pain and fear aside, and never showing anything that could make me seem weak in the eyes of others. I was seven years old the day my father took me into the woods around land we owned, blindfolded me, tied me to a tree, and told me my mission was to get free and get back home. All he left me was a pocket knife and a bottle of water.

“I was eight when my mother had a party and locked me in ‘my’ wing of the house. She didn’t want to be interrupted while she was flirting with my father’s business partner.” Jensen paused, debated on how much of this part of his life to share. He jerked his head, indicating for Jared to follow, as he stepped back into the condo to sit on the sofa. He dropped his cane, reaching out quickly to grab Jared’s hand before he could sit in the chair across from him. 

“I was thirteen the day my drunk father beat me to within an inch of my life because he found out from someone I thought I could trust that I’d kissed another boy. After I’d lost consciousness, I was locked in that wing of the house again. It was their favorite way to punish me. I technically had everything I needed, so it couldn’t be classified as neglect. My bedroom was in the perfect spot so I could hear my father and mother screaming at one another about how each one had screwed the other over on their arranged marriage and how useless their only so-called son was.

“That time was the worst. Even half unconscious, in pain, scared and confused... I could still hear them screaming at one another from the other side of the house. That was how loud they were. And then… then it got silent. I was relieved at first, glad they were done, until I smelled the smoke. I accepted the fact that I was going to die in that wing.” Jensen was surprised that even at thirty-four, the memories still could make him shake. He glanced down at the feeling of warm fingers wrapping around his wrist, the only movement Jared made as he sat beside him silently listening. 

“One of them, I never did learn which one, decided in a drunken stupor that it was best for the Ackles name to kill the other with the gun my grandfather kept in the goddamn liquor cabinet. I don’t know how I didn’t hear the shot… the therapist I had to see said that I might have repressed some details, that being one of them, but I don’t know.” Jensen shrugged, turning his hand over to slot his fingers with Jared, holding on like a lifeline. “Whoever fired the gun then lit the same cabinet on fire to wipe away the evidence of sin or something. That’s how my aunt explained it to me the day after I woke up from being in a coma for a week. I nearly burned to death in the inferno that took away that house and my childhood.”

Jared had moved closer the moment he realized how bad this story was going to be, but even he hadn’t been expecting the truth. He merely sat and let Jensen talk as much as he could manage about the nightmare that had been his childhood, his family, and how much worse it had gotten. Even after nearly dying trapped alone and hurt in a house that had showed him nothing but pain, it had still been  _ home _ .

“My place in New York would freak you out if you ever saw it, it's basically a studio with a modest kitchen, bathroom, and bed that folds into the wall. Its an open concept because I can’t stand spaces that seem empty or echo… it just reminds me of my ‘wing’ or the attic room I got in my aunt’s house when she got custody of me. It’s the reason why I freaked out when you suggested renting a larger condo.” Jensen shrugged and glanced over, surprised to see the tears on Jared’s cheeks. He had no clue that he, himself, was crying, too, until he felt Jared’s fingertips brushing them away. 

“Hah, I thought I was done shedding tears for the boy I was,” he muttered, sighing when he replayed his own words and saw Jared frowning in confusion.  “I survived my past by burying the pieces of who I was, Jay. It’s why when you first described me as a cold blooded, ice cold bastard, you weren’t far off. Once I got out, once I made my choices and determined to make sure no one would ever be able to put me in a position like I was once, I had to be someone different. If I wasn’t... the memories I still have would’ve destroyed me.”

Jensen paused, taking a shaky breath. He was unaware of how much his hands had started to shake, didn’t realize how many memories this would bring back. He instinctively tensed at the feel of a cautious hand on his arm. “Don’t let go,” he was quick to say before Jared could pull back. “That’s something else you’ll need to know about, but not tonight. I’d break if I went down that line of thought tonight, but I need you to understand that I know when you touch me, you’re not the enemy. I know you won’t hurt me, Jay, but it’ll take me time to adjust to having someone with me who touches as easily as you do. In my mind, if I’m touched unexpectedly, my basic reaction is flight or fight. So… give me time.” He paused to frown, eyes on his hands rather than Jared. “I will, however, get it if you choose to walk at any time. This is one of the reasons I said that I had to stay away from you, because it’s not fair to pull you into this mess that is my world. But when I was hurt, the things that happened to me before I was found… I wanted to see you. I wanted to, maybe, finally, get to be someone else…” Jensen trailed off and swallowed hard. “Maybe Chris is right. If I can’t trust but expect you to trust-”

“I love you,” Jared said sincerely, the words coming to the tip of his tongue and slipping free. He glanced up, watching the way Jensen’s breathing had started to pick up. He recognized the signs from earlier and realized the man was close to a panic attack over fearing his own reaction, as well as Jared’s own.

Seeing Jensen’s eyes jump back to his, shocked, Jared chose to take another step. Slowly, making sure Jensen saw his movement, he moved his hands up to frame Jensen’s face between his palms, hating how cold and clammy his cheeks were and the feeling of leftover tears the man hadn’t even realized he’d cried.

“I know there’s still a lot of things I don’t know about you, about what’s made you the way you are. I know we are two totally different types of men, who may or may not be able to co-exist without some interesting fights. I also know you’re expecting me to walk out this door tonight, or tomorrow night, or any time before you go back to New York. Hell, I’m sure that even fifty years from now, you’ll still be half expecting me to walk out the door. But here’s what I need you to understand, Senior FBI Agent Jensen Ackles… you said to me that you protect what’s yours. Well, so do I. And right now? Right this second, even though it might get me punched or shot by Kane, all I really want to do is kiss you,” he chuckled, thumb brushing over Jensen’s cheek, “or have you kiss me since I’m also guessing control is a huge thing with you.”

Watching Jared’s eyes as he’d been speaking, feeling the way his fingers lightly ghosted over his cheeks, had allowed Jensen the time to calm down. He was able to settle his whirling mind of the sudden deluge of old fears and doubts, able to focus on the bright hazel eyes that seemed to be shifting to more golds and blues right then as Jared ran out of words and then merely waited.

Moving his gaze down to glance at Jared’s lips, Jensen took another moment to consider if he was even ready to take this step with this amazingly brave and brilliant man. Without even knowing everything about him, without having even an inkling of the other secrets he kept, Jared had just become the second person to ever take a stand for him and have his back.

Wishing he had both hands free for this, Jensen lifted his left to brush unruly bangs back out of Jared’s face, then trailed his fingertips down over Jared’s jaw. He watched Jared silently, debating on how their first kiss should be, when it was decided for him. Jared shifted his face to the side, allowing the palm of Jensen’s hand to cradle his cheek.

“I love you too, Jared,” he murmured a moment before he leaned in, pressing their lips together  in a slow, almost hesitant kiss that seemed to take both men by surprise. Jensen only deepened it once he felt Jared move into the kiss.

That first kiss led to many others that never failed to both surprise Jared. They either made his blood heat with desire or made him want to throttle the man that would soon become so much more to him than he ever thought possible. Remembering their first kiss and the days that followed on the beach in South Carolina had Jared’s mind back in his memories. When he felt warm lips brush over his cheek as he stood in the kitchen of their small house, he found himself blushing at being caught daydreaming.

“I thought I’d find you elbow deep in that thing’s engine or whatever you called it the day you nearly dropped it on Chad’s head.” Jensen’s deep voice chuckled as he watched Jared’s eyes clear of whatever he’d been remembering when he got home. “I’ve been home for twenty minutes and you had no clue I was even around, dude. Should I be worried about security not being on?” He cocked his head to the side, stepping closer to wrap his arms around Jared’s waist. He smiled as he felt the strength in the ones returning the gesture. “What were thinking about so hard? Jay? Is something wrong, besides you still being pissed at me for not taking your team to New Orleans?”

Shaking himself out of the lingering memories, Jared blinked his eyes again before finally smiling. “No, nothing’s wrong, Jen,” he reassured his worried boyfriend before meeting the kiss that greeted him. “I was just thinking about our first kiss.”

“Hmm, assuming we don’t get into a huge fight tonight, maybe we can replay that first kiss… or our first night here.” Jensen’s lips curved into a slow sexy smile that never failed to make Jared’s dimples flash when he smiled in return. “Food first or…”

“Just tell me why you decided not to bring my team to the Big Easy.” Jared didn’t want to turn this into a fight, but he also wasn’t sure he wanted to share his recent feeling of unease with Jensen either. “You said it had something to do with me but not  _ working  _ with me... which doesn’t make sense.”

“My reason to have you pulled, to not take you and your Marshals to New Orleans on this trafficking case, has nothing to do with me not wanting to work with you, Jared. I would always choose you to have my back over anyone else, including half of the Atlanta FBI agents in my office.” Jensen stepped back, beginning to unload the containers of Chinese takeout he’d picked up on his way home. 

“It does, however, have everything to do with me not wanting to take you, my boyfriend, my best friend, my lover, my…” He paused to turn and lift the silver chain that Jared wore around his neck, fingering the simple gold band that matched the one Jensen pulled from his pocket. He slipped it onto his ring finger, loving the way Jared smiled at that. “My soon to be  _ husband _ , to New Orleans for this case. I know it’ll piss you off, I know it’s going to make me seem overprotective, but… some stuff came out of the office in New Orleans recently that… I can’t involve you, Jay. If I do, I’d be too distracted worrying about you than doing my job.”

“Whoa, wait a second. What the hell did you find out that suddenly made you freak out over me being a distraction?” Jared demanded, stepping closer only to frown when Jensen took a step away from him. It was something his lover hadn’t done in months, not since the last time they’d come across a case that possibly involved --

“Shit. Rolston’s involved, isn’t he?” he demanded and knew it the moment Jensen’s jaw muscle twitched. “Damn it, Jen! If that bastard has anything to do with that case then you shouldn’t be going!  _ You’re  _ the one he wants dead!” He wasn’t sure if he wanted to yell at Jensen or pick up the phone and yell at Jensen’s superiors, who damn well knew the man’s past with the former FBI agent turned drug and sex trafficker.

“No, he doesn’t want me dead… or not right away at least.” Jensen heard something crack from behind him and knew he’d be buying a new kitchen chair to replace the one whose back just cracked under the strength of Jared’s hand squeezing it. “I know his MO, his patterns, and where he’s likely to be holding any victims. So… it’s my case.”

“Fine! Then you should have a back-up team you can trust, since who the hell knows how many local cops or Feds the bastard has bought off in New Orleans!” 

Jared never liked changes in assignments before, and this sure as hell wasn’t any different. “I can handle myself, Jensen. You  _ know  _ that. You know I won’t do anything to put myself, or you, or the operation at risk! So why the hell don’t you want me with you or  _ mmhm _ !”

A sudden pull brought him into Jensen’s arms where a fast kiss shut him up. But where Jared might have considered breaking the kiss so he could continue his argument, the sudden feeling of Jensen’s fingers gripping the front of his t-shirt, the near desperation in that grip, warned the furious Marshal that more was going on with his fiancé than he might’ve thought.

“Don’t you ever say I don’t want you with me!” Jensen growled against soft lips, needing to focus on his reasons, on his need to protect what he considered his and not what his brain was still telling him to do. “I would take you in a heartbeat, Jared, but… Damn it, Jay! I can’t take you on this case. I’d risk  _ myself _ . I’d risk the op. But I won’t, I  _ can’t _ , risk you!” He hadn’t realized he’d been yelling until he felt Jared’s hands settle over his wrists, trying to break the sudden, almost manic hold, he had of Jared’s shirt. “Jared…”

Jared watched Jensen’s face get paler with every shout and knew from before that the only times the FBI agent got that pale or this worked up, was for two reasons. First, if he was scared for Jared, and second, if he was close to being forced to confront another part of his tightly locked up past. A past that included the man who’d been haunting Jensen for years and told Jared both reasons were involved this time.

“You think Rolston knows about me, about us, so you’re worried that if I go into New Orleans on this case, that he’d find a way to use me to get to you.” 

Closing his eyes and taking several breaths until he was able to force his fingers to uncurl from Jared’s shirt, Jensen forced himself to relax in his fiance’s presence instead of moving back like he might have once. Instead he stepped closer to rest his head against Jared’s chest, needing to hear the deep steady sound of his lover’s heart beating under his ear; it had become a calming technique after they’d begun to sleep together and he’d wake up too fast or with too many memories.

“I know you can take care of yourself, I know you can handle this case or anything that might come up from it. But… if the bastard does know, if someone has told him who you are to me, then he will go after you. And Jared, I can’t run the risk of losing you in any way to him.” Jensen’s usually steady, deep voice was hushed from both the emotions he was fighting and from the way he’d buried his face against Jared’s chest. “I love you, Jared. You’ve managed to bring me back from the brink of becoming a man I didn’t like. But if I were to lose you? If you were hurt because of that bastard? I… I don’t know what I’d do. So please… be angry with me if you have to, hell you can even hate me, but just please, for the love of God, take the job in San Francisco and I swear I’ll fly out to meet you as soon as I’m done.”

The anger was there, but not at Jensen. Jared’s anger was at Mark Rolston and his part in making Jensen the way he was when they first met, as well as for the goddamn Feds who felt the man was still too big of an asset to risk killing him outright, despite all the crimes he’d committed.

“I’ll never hate you, Jensen. I’m not happy with this, and I’m going to be scared as hell for you, but just promise me that you’ll pull out if it looks like this job is a trap.” Jared knew the Agent side of Jensen wouldn’t allow him to do that, so he made a mental note to call New York as soon as he could; if he couldn’t have Jensen’s back, then he’d make damn certain that someone he trusted would be there. “We have the weekend before you leave?” he asked, feeling Jensen’s body slowly start to relax against him once he realized Jared wasn’t going to fight him on the decision to not take him to New Orleans.

“Yeah, all weekend. I’m sure you can come up with some ideas for what we should do in all that time.” Jensen was still tense, worries still at the forefront of his mind, but he slowly began relaxing. He was mesmerized by the feeling of teasing fingers slipping under the back of his shirt, gliding up his back in a way that made him arch back into Jared’s touch. “You know how bad cold Chinese is though,” he said almost regretfully, decided to at least feed them one meal since Jensen knew once they landed in a bed, the food was going to be an afterthought for both of them.

Food or sex was one of the hardest decisions Jared had to make since their relationship moved past the making out stage, and it was only because he knew Jensen tended to forget to eat during his work day that he chose to eat now. He made another mental note to make sure they had breakfast Monday morning, too. The rest of the weekend he planned to make good use of every take-out place he had on speed-dial. They fixed up their plates of Chinese and Jared tried to put his unease to rest -- for a reason he couldn’t place, the feeling was growing stronger, but the last thing he wanted to do was  worry Jensen more than he already was.

The nightmare that had been chasing him for the last eighteen months, ever since his life went to hell in an explosion on a San Francisco waterfront. What was supposed to be a basic snatch and grab job for his team turned into the very trap Jensen had worried about facing if Jared had worked with him in New Orleans.

The seventy-two hours he’d endured as a ‘guest’ of Mark Rolston and his little group of sadists still wasn’t clear to Jared, even after all this time. He remembered stepping into his hotel room after a late night of dealing with stonewalling cops, then feeling an agonizing, burning pain shooting up his back. He recognized it to be a taser as his knees hit the ground. He hardly registered the needle piercing his skin, barely heard the voice speaking to him about how he’d be the ‘perfect bait’ to lure the voice’s ‘nephew’ into his trap. Then consciousness was fleeting. He got fleeting memories of the man mocking him, making him scream, and the phone that had been thrust towards his face so they could make him try to beg for Jensen to save him.

Jared felt his legs shaking, the lingering smell of smoke still clinging to his skin, despite the time that had passed. He stepped into the shower, turning the temperature down to luke warm -- too hot, and it would remind him of the flames. He closed his eyes as he pressed beneath the spray, seeing the dock again in his mind. He’d stood there, far enough away from the flames to be considered safe, but able to smell and feel and see  _ everything _ . He couldn’t move, not until he knew. Maybe Jensen had made it out of the warehouse, maybe he was on the other side, standing too close to the burning building for comfort, waiting for Jared to walk out, too. 

He could still feel the draining, raw emotions. Could still hear the sympathy in his superior’s voice that they’d found a body, too burned for identification. But, they’d found...

Fingers shaking, Jared lifted the chain that now carried both his and Jensen’s engagement rings. Jared closed his fist around them, vowing once again to make Mark Rolston and everyone involved in that goddamn, screwed up job, pay as soon as he got the shot.

Suddenly, the shower wasn’t enough. He scrubbed himself quickly, skin pink and raw, before stepping out of the tub and grabbing the nearest towel. He didn’t care about the wet foot prints he tracked back into the bedroom, but he stopped short when he heard his cell phone buzzing. Very few people texted him, not since he’d made his choice to resign -- it was that or end up in jail for investigating the people in his office for a leak and committing a felony. It was better to seek his revenge  _ off _ of the payroll.

Jared debated ignoring it in favor of trying to sleep again, maybe heading to the nearest bar and getting drunk so he could forget the images of laughing green eyes and the warm honey coated voice he still heard in his mind. Sighing, he wrapped his towel tight around his waist, pointedly not looking down at the scars on his chest that matched the ones on his back from that day, and grabbed his phone. 

He immediately recognized the number as it flashed over his screen, knowing the user shouldn’t be texting him. Every member of his former unit had been given explicit orders to cease all contact with him, the higher ups labeling him as ‘rogue’ in their minds. He hesitated for a moment before hitting the message to bring it up. 

It took everything Jared had left in him not to drop to his knees as he read the very simple text.

****‘ _Jensen’s alive_.’ ** **

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

 

#  Chapter Two

“You goddamn fucking  _ bastard _ ! Where the hell is he?”

“Padalecki? What the hell are you -  _ ugh! _ ”

“You lied to me! For eighteen fucking months, you lied to me, Kane! Now tell me what the hell you know and where the hell he is, or I’ll put my fist through your goddamn throat!”

“Oh shit!  _ Shit!  _ Jared! Jared, wait a second!” Chad Michael Murray stepped forward, grabbing the angry ex-Marshal’s arm and trying to pull him back. “At least give Kane a chance to answer and -- dude! Pull that gun and Hartley across the street will put a bullet in your useless skull, Welling!”

“Son of a bitch, Padalecki! Settle your ass do- one more punch is all I’m giving you before I hit back, kid!” Kane jerked back, fixing the angry man before him with a hard glare. “Welling!” he commanded, “Stand down or I’ll let Murray’s sniper end my problem with you! Mikey, since this stakeout just got shot to hell and back, take your team and grab our suspect before he hightails it back over the damn border!”

“Oh, you mean the dude with all the pure cocaine in the trunk of his Honda and packed inside his house in neat little flour containers?” Chad snorted, stepping back slightly when it looked like Jared was in some sort of control of himself. “Don’t worry about him, Kane. Justin was nice enough to bag and tag him for you before he took up space on the guy’s roof so he could provide our favorite Marshal here with back up! Justin bet me the boss would go for your throat before giving you a chance to tell Jared anything.” Chad shrugged, crossing his arms. “I guess you really should’ve told him yourself before I found out about it.”

Jared released a low growl seconds before he moved. Christian Kane dodged the next punch thrown at his head, deflecting the follow up before giving a hard shove back against the solid muscle before him. He managed to gain enough space between them, finally gaining the upper hand since he’d been physically yanked out of the van he’d been practically living in for the last two weeks. “Jared,” he said, shaking his head at the pissed off, former Federal Marshal, his own pissed off teammate. There was a moment where he believed everything was calming down, then Welling pulled his weapon and a well placed shot was fired from across the street, bullet ricocheting and clanging off the metal of the van behind them in warning.

“Fuck, Tom! What the hell? Stop! Every single one of you, just stop for one goddamn second!” he shouted in the deep gruff tone of voice that never failed to get results while in the field. “Padalecki, I swear to God. Stand down!”

“Fuck you, Kane! I don’t take orders from you!” Jared Padalecki shot back furiously, feeling a firm hand grab his shoulder again. He briefly debating breaking his best friend’s hand in order to continue his tirade, only to blink when Kane suddenly looked at him and actually laughed.

“You resigned from the Marshals, Padalecki! You don’t take orders from  _ anyone, _ if you ever did in the first goddamn place. Now, just settle down a second while I handle this one piece of business,” Kane snapped, whirling to easily disarm a furious Tom Welling who had just ignored a second, well placed bullet fired from the distance. He shoved the weapon into the holster at Welling’s waist, meeting the angry man’s eyes. “Welling, I told you to stand the hell down. Final warning, if you reach for the Beretta again, I’ll shoot you myself before Harlety can line up a shot.”

Tom Welling at 6’2” was several inches taller than the Senior FBI Agent; he had gotten through most of his altercations using his weight as a deterrent and weapon. He shoved Kane back away from him, scowling as he reached for his weapon once more. Before he could unclip the strap, he found himself shoved back against the side of the van. What Kane lacked in height, he made up for in agility, upper body strength, and determination.

“He ruined our op!” he shouted, furious that their two week stake out had been interrupted. When he spotted the former Marshal whom he’d never liked, he saw red. “He’s not even a Marshal anymore! He ruined our op, Kane. You should be arresting him and his buddies! You know damn well if Murray and Hartley are with him, then they’re ignoring their own orders to avoid contact with the jackass! He -”

Kane’s other hand that had been trying to hold Jared back suddenly moved to grab his own teammate by the throat, squeezing just enough to warn the man rather than just fully cutting off his air like he was sorely tempted.

“First, we’ll just consider this as payback for the night we busted their op,” Kane replied, narrowing his eyes as he took a step closer, his face inches from the other agent’s. His stomach twisted as he saw the pure hatred reflected back in the other man’s eyes. “If I were you right now, Welling, I’d remember the rules that were laid down when I agreed to let your ass back on my team. Give me one ounce of grief and I’ll bounce it and you right back out. So back the hell off and take a break, because if I remember correctly Hartley only gives two warning shots. His next round will probably go through your skull and I’m not sure I’d stop him, Tom. 

“Go wait for the locals to show up while I deal with this,” he ordered sternly, taking a step back but made sure to keep his eyes on the black haired agent. He raised an eyebrow as he studied the man’s posture, reading Welling’s body language and knowing he was debating his options. The sound of a weapon cocking over his shoulder reminded him that Jared wasn’t alone. “Don’t shoot your own foot off, Murray.”

“It’s not my foot I’m aiming at, Kane,” Chad replied, setting the barrel of his own 9mm handgun on the glaring face Tom Welling. “I thought Jensen had gotten Welling’s ass kicked out of the FBI before he transferred to Atlanta.” He smirked at the glaring man. “Lunge at Jared again or get in his face, and I’ll end Kane’s problem with you. I feel like I should’ve before, since I’m betting you had a hand in Kane not getting Jared’s message that day.”

Trusting that his teammate wouldn’t do something stupid with a gun only a foot from his face, Kane blew out a breath and turned. “Jensen got him kicked out of our team, but for some reason that still escapes me, the Bureau actually thinks Tom is a good agent.” He rolled his eyes once he had his back to the aforementioned man, then scowled as he looked between a still glaring Jared and a too calm Chad. 

“What message? When did you call me and what was it about?” he demanded, thinking back for anytime that Jared would’ve called him. They all knew Jared only would’ve called him if it was vitally important.

“I’d called you the morning Jensen left for New Orleans because I wanted you to go down with him so he’d have one person backing him up,” Jared replied with a sigh, forcing himself to calm down slightly. But, he still could see the simple words texted to him seventy-two hours earlier and he needed answers. “I’m guessing you never got my message, not that it matters now…”

“No, I did not get that message. If I had, I would’ve called and told you to keep Jensen’s ass in Atlanta and yours the hell away from California.” Kane’s voice dropped lower, and he turned to eye a now sweating Tom Welling. “Our New York office had started picking up rumors that Rolston was making plans of some kind to put a stop to the investigations into his trafficking deals for good. Reading between the lines, it meant he’d go after Jensen. Rumor we had was that he planned to lure Jensen away in order to have clear access to his main weakness. You.” Kane slid his gaze back to watch Jared’s face as he began to take in what was being said. “I told the suits above me and they were supposed to send word to Atlanta to ground both of you. I suggested you both be on lockdown and that you needed to remain together at all times. No separate cases, not even if they were in the next freaking town. I was told the message had been sent to both offices and that it would be taken care of.”

Blinking in surprise at this bit of news, Chad kept his weapon level while trying to sense where Jared was behind him. If what Kane said was true then this job was going to be even more messed up than he’d originally thought. “Our office never got any calls from the New York office, Kane,” he said, blood starting to run cold as this set in. “My team had no clue anything was going on until Jared was grabbed, and then I had a pissed off Jensen in my face two days later with you following right behind. What the hell?”

“I’d told Jensen that I was worried about him going to New Orleans because Rolston could’ve bought anyone from the local cops to any of the Feds. Huh. I guess I should have been looking closer to home for sell outs.” Jared felt sick as everything suddenly began to come back to him from the weeks before it all went bad for them. “I’d… I’d been feeling uneasy. It was almost like I could feel us being watched whenever we were together. But I just thought it was me being overly sensitive to things or too worried with knowing that bastard was still out there gunning for him. I… I never mentioned it to Jensen because I didn’t want to worry him over nothing, but --”

“You also never mentioned it to me! Dude!” Chad dropped his guard, turning his attention to his best friend to throw an incredulous look over his shoulder. He realized his mistake a second before he heard a grunt, Kane suddenly down to one knee at an unexpected elbow to the gut. Chad heard Jared shout for him to move a second too late. A hand grabbed his wrist with the intent to try to disarm him. “Dammit!”

“You should’ve been the one to burn in that explosion, Padalecki!” Welling shouted, blind rage making the agent forget one of the first rules he was taught in training. He grabbed the weapon from Chad as he bashing the Marshal in the face with his free hand, then took aim at Jared who had remained standing, seemingly frozen in place. 

“You should’ve bit it that first damn time Rolston picked you as a target. You would’ve, too, if Ackles hadn’t stuck his nose into it! You were supposed to die in that warehouse, but Ackles blew that by getting you free. It doesn’t matter that you know he’s not dead because the freak you knew is! Rolston made damn sure before Kane and the rest of the Feds found him, he did enough damage that Ackles will never be whole. He’ll never be right again and you’ll be dead before you can even see him. He would never know you, even if he could see you!”

Every instinct inside of him told Jared to move, to act, the second he saw Welling jump Kane and go for Chad’s gun. He’d been so tempted to do just that, especially after it dawned on him the reason why it had been so easy for Rolston to grab Jensen the first time and the issues they’d had after Jensen transferring to Atlanta.

The second he knew Kane hadn’t received his message and everything the FBI agent tried to get passed through had been halted, he knew. Jared glared, knowing immediately who had been paid off even before Tom Welling was ranting his confession.

The rage and hate spewing from the FBI agent’s mouth right then reminded Jared of another reason Jensen had told him he always held his trust in check, even from his own fellow agents. The man before him was a perfect example that money could buy anyone. However, the former Marshal suspected it had been something else that had Welling changing his allegiances.

“What did Rolston promise you?” he asked, surprising himself with how calm he sounded,  considering the rage boiling inside him. “I’m guessing part of it was money, but what else was there? A better position in the Bureau? One that you could never earn on your own since you’re too hot headed of an agent to be more than a grunt at the best of times.”

Welling sneered, pulling the hammer back on the Beretta in his hand, and glared at Jared with hate. “Oh, he promised me a decent promotion to be Field Leader in a city of my choosing, and he gave me plenty of cash to let him know when the Feds are getting close to one of his little operations. But the best thing? He promised me that I’d be the one to put a bullet in Jensen freaking Ackles skull while you watched him die! I should’ve put a bullet through your knee instead of using a taser,” he went on, glaring with hate as he laughed at the expression on Jared’s face.

“Yeah, Padalecki, it was me and some buddies Rolston paid to nail your ass that day. He promised he’d let me kill both you and that freak, so while I still have to work on finishing Ackles off, there’s no use in waiting to kill you.” He leveled the Beretta at Jared, cocking his head when he realized the former Marshal still hadn’t moved. “Are you that much of a coward, Padalecki? Just going to stand there and let me put a bullet in your skull?” he demanded. Something was in the back of his mind, warning him, but he pushed it away, knowing he had the upper hand. 

“Why are you just standing there?!” he demanded with a shrill scream, furious that his victim wasn’t showing any kind of emotion. He wanted to see fear, see Jared beg for his life, for Jensen’s. Instead, the man before him looked away from him, shaking his head before looking back with a slow smirk. “What? What’re you smirking at?”

“Just that despite it all, you’re still so damn  _ arrogant. It’s actually _ quite stupid not remember the one thing Kane said to you not ten minutes ago.” 

Jared watched Welling’s face stare back at him blankly, even as a red dot appeared in the center of his forehead. He stayed there a moment, Jared tracking it with his eyes as it moved slowly down to his left shoulder. “He told you that Justin only gave two warning shots before taking his final. I haven’t moved because I sure as hell don’t want to get in the way of his line of sight. While I’m positive that  _ I’m _ not in it, you sure as hell are, jackass.”

The subsonic bullet couldn’t be heard, but the result was clear as day. Before Welling could fire off a shot of his own or duck for cover, his shoulder was struck, throwing him off balance. The end of a rifle butt crashing into the cursing former FBI agent’s face as he was dropping to the ground, then again once he’d landed, was all it took to make sure he was unconscious.

“Damn, I’m sure glad you guys had confidence in me and Hartley handling the jackass once it became pretty plain he was even more of an unstable nut than the boss had always said,” Michael Rosenbaum said once he lowered his rifle, rolling his eyes over to where a scowling Chris Kane still had his hand bunched in a furious Chad’s jacket to keep him from moving into the fray.

“Confidence?  _ No _ ! What I expected was for my goddamn sniper to put a bullet in Welling’s face instead of his damn shoulder!” Chad growled, jerking free finally to throw a disgusted look back over his shoulder. “If I find out you knew it was Welling who sold out and who nailed Jared, I will kick your ass all over the street, Kane!” he snapped, furious even more than he had been before the new revelations. “Hartley! Your aim sucks!” he shouted to the approaching slender man with a sniper rifle slung over his shoulder. “And Jared! Are you trying to give me a stroke? Just standing with a gun in your face, I mean, Jesus! I need a vacation,” he muttered as he leaned against the side of the SUV.

“I thought you already were on one,” Kane snorted, “since I’m pretty sure if I checked with anyone in Atlanta I’d get told that you and Hartley were on leave and not even in the country.” Kane smirked at the rude gesture he got in return, nodding to the bleeding and unconscious former agent on the ground. “Mike, make sure Welling doesn’t bleed out before we can cuff him. Shove him somewhere until I decide what to do with him,” he ordered the tall lean bald agent before frowning as he chose to add, “Contact the local office and tell them to come grab Sanchez and his stash. We need to clear out ASAP to tie up some loose ends on another case.” He eyed Jared grimly. “I know you’re pissed, but there are reasons I hadn’t contacted you yet.”

“Were you planning to?” Jared hissed, watching as the Oklahoma native look between him and Welling, recalling some of what the enraged man had screamed at him about Jensen. “What was Welling talking about, Chris? How bad was Jensen hurt and where the hell is he now?” he demanded tightly. He hesitated on his next question, both wanting an answer and fearing it just as much. “Who made the decision not to call me or tell me he wasn’t dead? You or… or him?”

Mike finished cuffing Welling, Chad helping him drag the unconscious man up to shove him into the back of the SUV, the pair already deciding it was best to leave the van and use Jared’s rental. Glancing around, Mike eyed his team leader with a knowing look. “I told you the second he learned about the boss being alive, he’d think Jensen made the choice to keep him in the dark. I told you, Kane. You owe me money.”

“Shut up and go erase any sign of these guys being here. As soon as The Brass finds out Jared knows about this or that these other two aren’t on ‘vacation’, it’s going to get pretty dicey… I’m going to have to decide what orders we’re going to follow and who I decide to tell to fuck off, especially after the office finds out about Welling’s involvement,” Kane growled, running his hand back through his hair. He turned a sharp glare at  Chad before addressing Jared’s last question. “Just out of curiosity, and so I’ll know for later denial, how did you find out about Jensen not being dead, Murray?” He already knew which of Jared’s former teammates was the better one at hacking into places he shouldn’t.

“I put in a back door on the off chance Rolston had anyone else on his payroll that got careless. A couple in house memos were triggered last week and an email popped the other night mentioning something about Jensen still being a possible risk despite his injuries because the case was still being dug into. I’m not sure if that meant Jaybird here, or someone else, and that it might be time to handle any loose ends.” Chad lifted a brow curiously at a grim faced Kane before moving his eyes over to where Jared was standing. “If you knew, which clearly you did, then you damn well should’ve told Jared. Unless... you were told not to.”

“I made the choice, no one else,” Kane replied grimly, catching the hand that went to grab him and giving it a hard twist. He met Jared’s eyes, voice softening slightly. “Jared, I know you’re angry and I don’t blame you. I also know what you’re thinking, and its not right. But wait until we’re not in the middle of a goddamn street and I’ll give you the answers you want!”

Jared debated on demanding his answers now, but a low murmur from Chad had him scowling and agreeing as he jerked open the door to the SUV and climbed in to wait for them to finish what needed clearing up.

“Yep, this is going to be fun.” Justin Hartley grinned after he put his rifle away and began to help Mike pick up their equipment and anything else the FBI agents needed in the rear of the SUV. “I’m guessing the odds of me keeping my pension after this is going to be slim to none, too.”

“No, once we clear this place, you and Chad can split,” Jared answered from inside of the vehicle, his head turned to look at Justin from the open trunk. He’d been considering it earlier, but now knew he couldn’t ask either of his former team, his friends, to risk more than they already had. “I don’t want either of you getting into trouble for being with me or telling me something no one was supposed to know.” 

Both Marshals disagreed immediately, Chad coming around and peeking in through the trunk beside Justin. “Dude! I knew the risks when I texted you just like  I knew the risks of hacking into the FBI’s computers. Justin and I should’ve seen the danger on that job or gotten both you and Jensen out of that warehouse before it all went up,” Chad replied seriously, jerking his thumb next to him. “Justin can walk if he wants to, but -”

“I’m not walking. If we go down because we backed you up in your search to find Jensen and in finding out what happened to him that day, as well as who still wants the both of you dead then so be it.” Justin tossed his rifle case in the rear of the SUV and gave a groaning Welling another punch to the jaw for good measure. “You’re still our leader despite you  being forced to quit over your refusal to drop the case. And we screwed it up by allowing you to get grabbed, by allowing Jensen to go into that warehouse alone. So, you’ve got us,” he went on with a shrug, eyeing the FBI agents with a grin. “Of course, if I don’t like Kane’s answer of why no one thought to tell you about Jensen maybe not being dead, can I shoot him?”

“I wasn’t allowed to shoot him when he made that choice, so if anyone gets to put a bullet in my current boss, it’s going to be me,” Mike tossed out while giving the van a final sweep and nodding that it was clear. “I wiped the house of prints, mine and Justin’s, before I left it, so if we’re going to ground for this we should be good to go. You’d better call Katie and tell her it might be time to move him until we get to them,” he added in warning while climbing into the rear seat with Justin and Chad, Kane getting shotgun up front with Jared already having been decided silently.

“I already texted her that his location might be compromised and that I’d be coming to move him to another.” Kane heard the sound of fingers gripping the steering wheel, leather creaking as Jared’s knuckles turned white. “I’m giving the choice of locations to Jared since he’s going to be the one with Jensen primarily until we get a lock on who the hell else Rolston might have bought off. Either that or I find a way to draw the bastard out so we can put a bullet in his heart,” he said, reaching over to grab the wheel after the SUV swerved dangerously close to the side of the road when Jared’s head spun to stare at him in shock. “We need to find the quickest route out of Arizona and to Virginia that doesn’t involve using the FBI’s plane or booking a charter in either of our names in case someone is watching the flight plans. Ideas?”

Jared was stunned over Kane allowing him to pick the next secure spot and that he was willing to leave Jared with Jensen while the others worked the case. It took him a couple of seconds to catch up and understand what the now on guard FBI agent was saying and what they needed.

“I booked a charter to come here but not in my name,” Jared replied, then explaining at the curious look that answer earned him. “I haven’t used my real name on a credit card, bank account, or hotel receipt since I left the office that day. I had my car run off the road on the way home and then had the last place Jensen and I shared firebombed a week later, I knew my name wasn’t safe.”

“Okay, so you didn’t tell me that either!” Chad shouted from behind him only to then scowl. “And how the hell did you manage to not have that reported? It should have been front page news given who both you and Jensen are… were… whatever the hell we’re calling it today.”

Turning in his seat to stare at Jared, Chris Kane considered what this news meant. “They were still going after you even though you, and the rest of us, believed that body carried out that day had been Jensen’s? How many other attempts on your life have there been and why haven’t you told Chad or called me about it?” he asked, despite already knowing the answer. Even if he never said it, he regretted having been so rough on Jared when he and Jensen first started dating. “Fine. I can guess why you didn’t call me but you still should have told Chad or someone in Atlanta…” Jared threw him a look before turning his attention back to the road and Chris nodded. “Okay, fine, good point. You couldn’t because you weren’t sure who, besides Chad, you could trust.” He scowled at the frown sent his way. “This sucks.”

“Why still try to take Jared out though if he thought Jensen was dead?” Mike asked, shifting in the seat behind Kane as he tried to get some more leg room -- the back seat had not been designed to fit three men over 6’ tall. “Sure, it was pretty plain to all of us that Jared wasn’t letting it drop because he wanted to know who set them up, other than Rolston, but he was hardly that big of a threat to the bastard. Hell, you caused more waves in the Bureau than he did unless…”

“Unless Jared heard or saw something he wasn’t meant to before Jensen got there to get him out,” Justin put in, leaning up to rest his arms on the two front bucket seats. “Did you?” he asked his former team leader. “Did you hear Rolston say anything about anyone he might be paying off or hear him talk to someone that would make you still a threat to them?”

Jared frowned. He hated to think about that time mainly because it reminded him of what he’d lost and how much he’d failed both himself and the man he loved. Now as he took a slightly longer way towards a small charter airstrip where he’d landed earlier, he tried to force those memories back to surface. After several minutes, he shook his head.

“I was kept pretty heavily drugged unless Rolston wanted me conscious to inflict pain, to gloat about how he planned to break Jensen when he got him the next time, and how he almost had broken him when he’d been younger but…” Jared stopped, a memory suddenly surfacing. “He… Rolston had been cutting into my chest one day, probably only a day or so before Jen got there, before it all went wrong, and one of his cronies interrupted him to say ‘the suit was there’ and needed to talk to him about the plan changing. I… I didn’t hear a name or even much of what was said since it felt like I was under water most of the time by then, but… I heard Rolston say it ‘didn’t matter what Morgan said or wanted’ and that he had ‘plans for me even after Jensen wasn’t any use to him’.”

Silence filled the SUV as Jared still fought to remember more of his capture. Beside him, Kane’s eyes moved to the back to meet a wide eyed Chad’s gaze and Mike’s elbow slammed into Justin’s ribs to keep him from exploding with what was pretty clear to them.

“Shit,” Chad breathed out as he suddenly had a very good hunch why the head of their office had issued the order to disavow Jared and not have any contact with him after he left the Marshals. “Morgan,” he glanced up to see it might be slowly dawning on his friend even as Kane was nodding grimly, “Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  _ Marshal _ Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Our boss and the man who was very eager to write Jared off the moment I called in to report him missing.”

“Well this makes this a bit more interesting, not to mention even more complicated than I thought it already was.” Kane decided he was getting drunk as soon as he could. His head was already throbbing and he knew it would only get worse once he had to sit Jared down and tell him what he knew. “What the hell did you do to piss off your own boss, Jared?” he demanded sourly.

“Besides coming back alive from that undercover op you guys busted up? I have no damn clue.” Jared snorted, pulling the SUV up close to the plane. “Pilot’s ex-military, but I think he’s clean. He hasn’t tried to kill me, at least, and I’m guessing that’s going to be a thing.”

“Not if I have a say in it, kiddo,” Kane shot back as he exited the SUV and moved to the plane. He waves the rest of them off, stepping on board to check the pilot out himself before allowing the rest of them to come aboard. Mike and Justin went first, carrying on a still unconscious and cuffed Welling.

“Jared?” Chad kept his eyes on his friend, watching Jared’s fingers play with the chain around his neck. “Dude, to be honest? If I had known about half of this... I might not have texted you as fast as I did.”

Running the rings through his fingers like he did when he needed some type of connection with his former lover, Jared shook his head. “No. No matter what happens after today, even if I find out he made the choice not to tell me he was alive, I still would want to know.” He moved closer to the steps into the plane, ready to pin Kane down and get his answers, glancing back to make sure Chad was following. “Even if whatever happened eighteen months ago made him change how he felt for me or for what we had, I still owe the man I loved. If he’s still in danger, then I’ll keep him safe until Rolston and whoever else is dealt with.”

“Yeah, this is going to get ugly,” Chad muttered, stomping up the steps to jab a finger into Chris Kane’s chest as the man was coming out from the cockpit. “You! You tell Jared what the hell is up with Ackles and whether it was he or you made the choice to lie to my buddy! He loved him, Kane! Jared was willing to change his entire life by leaving the Marshals! If Jensen really did mean what he said about walking away from the FBI after that last job was finished and taking what he knew to the Attorney General, then-- what? Why’re you staring at me like I have two heads? Fuck, is Hartley making stupid bunny ears behind me again?” Chad glanced around quickly to check where his friend was before turning back to see Kane still staring at him. “What?”

“What the hell did you just say about Jensen resigning from the FBI and taking what he knew to the AG?” Kane was now more than certain his head might explode, since now it seemed like every question he’d had as to why his friend had been targeted so hard and then hurt so badly, was now being answered. Just, not in a way he liked. “Murray, did Padalecki tell you for  _ sure _ that Jensen was planning to resign, or did he know if he’d turned in a notice before he left for New Orleans?” he demanded tensely, looking up to see where Jared was in the rather good size charter plane. “Did he know what Jensen had or knew that he was going to the AG with?”

Blinking at the sudden terse tone in an already normally gruff voice, Chad shook his head. “I don’t think he knew… Jensen just told him that he’d tell him when he got home. Why don’t you just ask him what it was or if he’d turned in his resignation?” he asked sourly, still ticked that his friend had gone through so much pain and would most likely have to go through more.

“I can’t ask Jensen those things for the same reason he didn’t make the decision not to tell Jared that he was alive, Chad,” Kane replied grimly. “I can’t and he didn’t because Jensen doesn’t remember  _ anything  _ from his life before. He was held captive for eight months, and in a coma for a month after we found him. That bastard left him a broken mess both physically, mentally, and blind.” He inwardly cringed at the sharp inhale of breath from off to the side that told him Jared had heard too much. Both men heard the sound of flesh striking metal, then Mike’s sharp reprimand for Jared to stop punching the plane. “Well… this should fun.”

**Still reeling, Chad finally blew out a breath with a low curse that in no way matched the way he knew his best friend was feeling. “Shit, this is gonna be _so_ bad for us.” **

  **TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

#  Chapter Three

“Can you handle this?” Christian Kane asked, carefully driving a non-descript, full sized SUV down into the secluded driveway of a small cottage-like house set way back off the main road. It had been nine hours since they’d boarded the plane, and almost six since Jared had spoken more than a few words. He glanced over at the Marshal now, trying to gauge where his head was at. “I know it’s going to be hard seeing him like this, but knowing that he…”

“Won’t know me or what we were to one another? Yeah, that’s going to suck but now ask me if I have any other choice. I failed him once, Kane, I won’t fail Jensen again. It doesn’t matter how hard it will be to see him and know he not only can’t see me, but won’t even know who I am other than some guy you’re bringing to help move him to another safe house.” Jared Padalecki glanced around at the current location before eyeing the grim faced FBI agent. “Tell me again what you know and how he’s handling this. He must have had questions to how he ended up hurt and… and blind.”

The final word was said through gritted teeth. It still sounded foreign to Jared, just as wrong as it had the first time Kane had explained it on the plane as they flew out of Tucson to Richmond, Virginia.

“Eight months was how long Rolston and his cronies kept Jensen prisoner. I don’t know all the details of how he got nailed, or how long it took to happen after he sent you out that warehouse window. He has a multitude of burn scars, but most of them aren’t consistent with the explosion that leveled that place,” Kane had begun to speak as soon as he finally got a furious and shaking Jared to stop pounding his fist into a bloody pulp against the plane’s bulkhead. It had taken him nearly the entire take off to convince him to sit down with him away from the others. “I can give you copies of the medical records from his stay in the hospital, if you’d like. He was rescued outside of a one red-light town in the backside of Texas, after a local FBI team got an anonymous tip to say someone was being held against his will. He was basically being kept like an animal in a cage in some broken down old farm house, so far out that I thought we’d need to bring in a damn backhoe just to clear all the brush and trees to find the place.

“The locals never knew who called and didn’t bother to trace it, so my guess is either someone trespassing stumbled onto the scene or someone got a case of cold feet about possibly being nailed with capital murder of an FBI agent. I didn’t give a damn who called or why, I just wanted to find my friend. Before you say anything or Murray jumps down my throat, I picked up the phone to call you a good dozen times. I never dialed because I wanted to wait to see how bad he was hurt before I called you,” Kane realized his mistake and knew nothing he said or did would make Jared less angry. “Jared, I swear I was going to call you. Or at the very least, get in touch with Chad since I’d heard you’d quit the Marshals. I wasn’t sure if you’d changed your number and then, I realized that when I did get through to you, I didn’t want to give you half-assed answers. I needed more information about how he was doing first. You and I both know that Jensen, our Jensen, would not have wanted you to see him if he was hurt too badly. And I feared he might be given Rolston’s hatred for him and the man’s other hobbies.”

“Dude! Do not remind Jaybird that Rolston is a sex trafficking son of a bitch who enjoys selling people for sex as a hobby! We all know he had an unhealthy hate for Jensen!” Chad yelled out, groaning when he realized he’d just done the very thing he’d told Kane not to do. “Never mind. Shutting up now.”

Deciding the risk of opening up the plane to toss the hyper Marshal out of the plane was far too great, Kane cracked his knuckles to quell is irritation and try to ease the tension he was feeling. There was nothing easy about reliving the scene he’d walked in on that hot sweltering summer day. 

“Leaving out all the gory details, I will tell you he had broken bones, welts, burns, and blood all over and was found in some damn cage. I’m not sure how long he’d been there without food or water, but the paramedics figured if we hadn’t gotten there, that he would’ve been dead within another day or so. As it was, the trauma to his head from what they assumed were beatings, put him into a coma that lasted for a month.

“The surgical team at Bethesda placed three burr holes to relieve the pressure, but an MRI showed there wasn’t active bleeding anymore. We’re lucky he was in a coma and not…” Kane shook his head, cracking his knuckles once more. “No one could ever give me a straight answer on if he’d ever get his memories back. And they weren’t able to determine if the vision loss was from the trauma and beatings or the drugs that he’d been injected with. There’s a possibility it was also from the burns that were way too close to his eyes than I care to think about.” 

Kane waited for Jared to settle and sit back down after he’d began to pace, too much nervous energy that he had no other way to expend right then. “He was in a coma for a month and woke up screaming about ‘fire’ and to ‘let him out’. I was hopeful he meant the warehouse, but…” Kane licked his lower lip and met Jared’s eyes. “The next time he woke up, after his freak out because he couldn’t see, he… he didn’t know my voice or anything. To this day, he says he can’t recall how he was hurt or who did it. The docs say the damage to his head, to his body, on top of him basically being starved, could have caused permanent damage that he won’t recover from.

“Jared… I know you loved Jensen. I know you still do in your heart. But in some way, when Tom said the man you knew was dead… he wasn’t far off. This man, the man you’ll meet if you choose to come with me… he’s not the man you knew. I will not blame you or judge you if you decide you can’t do this, that staying with him while we find out how to put a stop to this nightmare will be too difficult.” Kane hated to say that but he also knew how hard it was on him, on his team, to see their former team leader in the state he was in now. “If I thought Rolston, now even Morgan, wouldn’t still target you or Jensen as a way to get at you for whatever they think he might have told you, I’d tell you to go back to where Chad found you. But --”

“No, I won’t do that. I  _ can’t _ do that,” Jared stated firmly, turning to stare out the window and quickly slashing a hand over his face to feel the wetness there. “I know a place to take him, to keep him safe, that I can protect on my own. I know you’ll need both Chad and Justin to help you and Mike find a way to stop this. I want Rolston to be stopped from ever being a threat to him. I… I won’t say it’ll be easy for me, in fact I know that it won’t be, but I’ll find a way to cope. He’s a job and that’s how I’ll have to make myself look at this… for both of our sakes.”

Now as Jared stepped into the cold stone underground garage and listened to Chris give him the story one more time, he had serious doubts if he would be able to keep himself that clinical or that detached. That had always been a challenge when dealing with a victim that had been seriously hurt or traumatized. He let himself get too close and this time, Jared knew doing so might be what fully put him over an edge that he’d come close to once before. Only Jensen being there with him had pulled him back.

“You didn’t fail him, Jared,” Kane was saying as he opened the door that led up a set of steps into the main house. “Jensen wouldn’t ever blame you or want you to feel that way. He loved you and he knew that he was stepping into a trap the day he went in for you.”

“Not helping my guilt, Kane,” Jared muttered, walking into a kitchen and taking a deep breath to steady his sudden nerves. He wiped his sweaty palms as he heard the agent call out to someone that it was just him and heard a female voice he recognized call back in acknowledgement. “What do you tell him about why he’s being kept under guard? And does he even know he used to be an FBI agent?” he asked, kicking himself for not asking any other questions that he might need to know.

Kane glanced back over his shoulder to see how nervous Jared looked and couldn’t blame him. “He asked once if he had traded one prison for another. I told him I wished it could be different, but until I knew who was trying to hurt him that it had to be this way.” He bit his lip to hide his smirk at the look Jared shot him. “Yeah, Mikey gave me that look, too and I’ll let Katie tell you what her opinion of that was.”

“My opinion of you basically terrifying him of you for the next month was that your bedside manner sucked, Kane,” Katie Cassidy remarked as she stepped into the kitchen with her handgun held casually. Despite her relaxed posture, Jared knew the petite blond packed a punch and could just as quickly aim and fire it if she felt her charge was in danger. “Mike’s texts and yours made things sound pretty bad. Now I see who you’ve brought with you and I know this situation must have gotten a lot worse.” She offered a small but tight smile to Jared before shifting a much harder gaze to her current leader. 

“He’s been in pain more recently and his right leg is acting up because he won’t let me help him do the therapy. All he does is sit in that room. working that old rope he latched onto the first time he really started to try to explore the place with just his hands. His vision still isn’t getting any better… He needs those scars near his face cleaned and dressed, but again, he shakes too badly if I go to touch him.” She cocked a hip and shook her head at Chris. “I hope you know what you’re doing by asking Jared to do this.”

“I gave him an out, Katie. I also told him if it looks like he can’t handle it, can’t handle Jensen or himself, then he can walk any time he wants.” Kane had this same conversation with not only himself, but Michael Rosenbaum and Chad Michael Murray. “This whole mess had gotten a lot worse in ways we hadn’t been expecting. Welling needs convincing to tell us what he knows about Rolston’s operation and Morgan’s involvement. You’re the best I have at getting information out of assholes, so I need you to do that with Mike while Chad and Hartley work on finding out who else might have sold out. Better still of they can find someone who sold out but might be strongly convinced to turn sides again,” he went on seriously when a sound from close by had him frowning. Jared was turning towards the door and the tension in the room increased as soon as a quiet step announced the presence of the man who had basically given his entire life to protect someone he loved.

“Hey Jen,” he greeted in the same easy tone he’d learned to use with the still injured man. He winced as he felt something hit him in the back of his head and looked to see the scowl aimed at him perfectly, despite the man being unable to see him.

Stopping just inside the kitchen door, Jensen Ackles shifted as he worked to adjust to the way sound changed in this room. “Don’t call me that, Kane,” he muttered, voice still sounding low and raspy to his own ears. He hated being called ‘Jen’, and the man in charge of protecting him from whoever it was he needed protection from, knew that. What Jensen knew was that Chris Kane wasn’t alone this trip. “Who… who’s with you?” he asked, tensing slightly.

Jared had to be quick not to let on in any way how seeing Jensen right then affected him. Despite everything he’d been told, despite seeing the photos of Jensen shortly after his rescue and then of his release from the hospital, it hadn’t prepared him for the man before him. The last time he saw Jensen, his fiance stood tall, with a rangy build that showed his upper body strength, and warm, glowing skin. That was not how he appeared now. 

This Jensen was still the same height, but  slouch in on himself. His sweat pants were loose, hanging off his body that was now much skinnier. Although he wore a thin t-shirt it also just hung on him but Jared still could see the wounds, the new scars that littered his arms and neck. His face was thin and pale,  but what bothered Jared the most was the white bandage that covered Jensen’s eyes like a blindfold.

“Jensen, this is Jared… United States Federal Marshal Jared Padalecki.” Kane shot Jared a quick look, telling him to keep his mouth shut about the title. While he was looking at Jared and meeting the confused look the man shot him, both men missed the sudden twitch of a muscle in the injured man’s jaw. “He’s going to be responsible for your safety once we move you to the new location, and he’s also going to try to help you do some therapy on the busted knee. If you won’t use the cane the doctors gave you, you have to do therapy, Jensen,  so maybe you’ll stop falling,” he went on in his professional voice, one Kane noticed he tended to lapse into more often than not.

“Oh. So he’s the new warden of this new jail you’re moving me to.” Jensen’s lips quirked up in a sarcastic smirk. “Why not just let whoever wants to kill me do it, Kane?” he asked, stiff fingers restlessly working the knots in an old rope that he kept near him at all times. For whatever reason, whenever he got restless or on edge, it seemed to help settle his nerves. “You still won’t answer me when I ask what makes this prison any different from… from…” He stopped as he wasn’t sure the words he wanted to say. Somehow, he just knew  how he viewed this prison was different than what he often dreamed whenever he chose to sleep. “So… does this new guy talk at all? Because if he doesn’t, it’s going to be really hard for me to find him in this new place since I sure can’t see him.”

The bitter sarcasm stunned Jared. He honestly hadn’t been expecting to hear so much anger, but he guessed given that Jensen couldn’t recall anything, had no idea who he’d been or what he’d been, much less if he even had family or friends… he would be angry too. The man had woken up badly hurt despite being free from his captors for almost nine months, he’d been held captive in a different way, from a medical bed to a safehouse. .

“Yeah, I talk.” Jared decided it was time to speak and saw Jensen’s head snap towards his voice. “I just wasn’t sure if you were done throwing crap at Kane so you could start throwing it my way… Mr. Ackles.” He just remembered that his question about if Jensen had been told he used to be FBI had never been answered, so he chose to go with what he felt was a safe title, even though it broke his heart to be so formal.

“Huh. Okay. So you’re the first one he’s brought here that’s actually talked to me like I was normal and not a broken shell of whoever the hell I used to be.” Jensen turned his whole body in the direction that the new voice; it was a deep, almost soothing, with a slight drawl that he felt he knew and yet couldn’t place. “Where is this new place anyway?” he demanded, holding up a hand when he heard Kane start to speak. “No. I’m not talking to you. I want to hear it from the new guy you’re sticking on me.”

Jared glanced over to see Kane staring at Jensen, a little surprised, while Katie’s eyes were going back and forth between them. In tandem, they both looked at him for his answer. Running his tongue over his teeth, Jared debated on what to say. He had the standard speech he’d given people over the years when when his team had to guard a witness, a professional and adequate response. But as he looked back at Jensen and opened his mouth to reply, what came out was something entirely different.

“I guess this is the part where I tell you that’s for me to know and for you not to, Mr. Ackles,” he replied and swore he heard Kane choke. But it was slow curve of Jensen’s lips that Jared was focused on.

“Huh. Well you’re certainly quippier than Katie-girl was when I asked a question.” Jensen wasn’t sure why he wasn’t feeling the same low angst anger like he usually did when dealing with his ‘protectors’, but there was something about this new man -- maybe his tone when he spoke -- that seemed different.

Jensen hated his position. He hated being hurt and not remembering how he’d gained the injuries. He hated not remembering his own name or anything to do with his life prior to waking up to darkness. He hated being surrounded by people he didn’t know, and truthfully would do without if he thought he could survive on his own. He hated not knowing who or what the threat to his life was about..

When Katie said he’d be moving to a different location and with a different person, a male,  as his primary bodyguard and caretaker, Jensen knew he’d thrown something akin to a temper tantrum. He hated the mystery since he failed to understand why the hell these people couldn’t give him straight answers to the most basic of questions. How hard was it to tell him who he’d been, why he’d been hurt, and who the hell wanted to kill him?

Jensen had been hell bent and determined to hate this move, as well as whoever the hell was stupid enough to let Kane, who Jensen was half certain he disliked with a burning passion, con him into this job. But now… he found himself reconsidering. He’d hold off final judgement once they made the move and he was left alone with this new man.  _ Jared. _

“Fine. I’m being moved. Am I packed? Do I have anything to pack?” Jensen demanded crossly, turning but hissing as his right knee seared in agony. He reached out to try to grab onto something to keep himself from falling, realizing only too late that he’d stepped farther into the kitchen than normal and couldn’t remember where the doorframe or a counter was to keep his balance. “Son of a bitch!”

A sudden hand, a hand much larger than he was used to feeling when Katie would touch him or  support him, caught his arm. First, Jensen went rigid and prepared to jerk away like he did whenever anyone, even Katie, would touch him.

“Jared, don’t!” Kane’s voice snapped the moment he saw Jared go to move on instinct to catch Jensen when his injured knee gave out. He cursed himself for forgetting to tell the younger man not to touch Jensen since it tended to cause him to either withdraw or lash out violently.

“He can hate me for touching him and you can bitch at me on the drive, but I’d rather not see him fall and hurt that knee worse or slam his face into the edge of the counter, thank you very much, Agent Kane!” Jared snapped back, refusing to admit his heart had lodged in his throat the moment he grabbed for Jensen’s arm and felt how thin and fragile it actually was. “The counter is just to your right if you move your hand,” he went on in a voice he hoped didn’t sound as shaky as he suddenly felt. Positive Jensen had regained his balance, he let go of the tense arm, though didn’t shift back until  he saw Jensen’s hand touch and grip the counter for support. “I’m sorry if my touch startled you. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself. I’m stepping back now.”

“He is not going to be able to do this!” Katie hissed in a frowning Kane’s ear as she passed to go towards Jensen leaning on the counter. “C’mon, Jensen. I’ll go pack for you while you sit and rest that leg.”

“NO!” Jensen’s sudden snap froze everyone in the kitchen. He took another slow breath as he tried to work past the pain, and as he did this he used the time to make a sudden and also surprising choice. “He can do it.” He gave a restless motion back to where he felt Jared was standing. “Let… let him do it.”

Glancing over to see Kane nodding while Katie rolled her eyes, irritated, Jared took a deep breath and stepped forward. “Alright, let’s go get you packed up.” He made no move to touch Jensen, but made sure to keep his hand close in case the man’s injured knee went to buckle again. “Where am I going, Katie?” he asked, but just heard the blonde chuckle.

“He’ll show you,” she told Jared and waited until he followed the muttering Jensen out before whirling on her team leader. “Jensen can barely stand to be touched by me or a doctor. He needs those wounds checked, cleaned, and dressed. He’s getting angrier by the day and starting to be more demanding about his situation, and you think bringing Padalecki into this is a good idea?” She stared at Kane. “Jared’s an open book with his emotions, Chris! You can see on his face that he still loves Jensen, but that man there is _ not _ the Jensen any of us knew! They’ll either kill each other the first time you leave them alone, and if that doesn’t happen, then Jared’s going to  _ break.  _ If he breaks this time, there’s no one to put the pieces back together like Jensen did before!”

Taking a seat at the small kitchen table, Kane took his time to evaluate both the young woman’s words and concerns, as well as what he’d seen watching Jensen’s reaction to the new arrival in his current life.

“I’m hoping once we all put our heads together or I turn Murray loose, that Jared won’t have to be with him alone long. I’m hoping we can finally put this case to rest and Rolston in the ground,” he began with a wince as he heard Jared shouting at him for what he could only guess was the lack of any real personal items for Jensen. “As for the two of them killing one another or Jared not being able to handle Jensen like he is right now? The way Jensen’s talking to him right there? The way Jared’s replying? That’s what I dealt with the first time they met.” 

He pushed to his feet to go see what Jared was calling him names over but paused to glance back at the still concerned Katie. “Emotionally, and if he’s left to himself to think too much, I don’t think Jared can do this. But I know he will because it’s for Jensen. I just have to find a way to prepare for the fallout if Jensen ever finds out the truth of who he was himself and who Jared was to him. I don’t think Jensen’s prepared to know how much of himself he’s lost and might not get back.”

“Okay, we’re stopping at the first huge store we come across. I’m not going to be worrying about supplies or him running out of clothes or anything once we get to this place.” Jared was still complaining five hours later as he sat in the passenger seat of the black SUV while Jensen appeared to be sleeping in the rear. “What did Katie do? Wash clothes every other day? I swear he only has three pairs of sweatpants and… are you smirking at me, Kane?” he demanded sourly. “Maybe he’d be less cranky if he had real clothes or actual personal items or… You are smirking at me!”

Chris Kane really wasn’t smirking, but he found it amusing that out of everything he thought Jared might bitch at him about or want to ask while Jensen was asleep, it was a lack of clothes and knickknacks that the former Federal Marshal chose to pick a fight over.

“The sweats were supposed to be softer against his sutures and wounds that still need to be taken care of.” He heard the sharp inhale and figured that Jared might have just figured out he’d be the one doing that. “I’m leaving you with the number of a doctor who I’ve vetted personally, so he can be trusted but…”

“I’m not calling anyone I don’t know personally. While the guy might be fine personally, he also might lead someone right to our door. I really don’t want to trigger World War III in the hills of Tennessee unless I have backup.” Jared glanced over his shoulder to see that while Jensen appeared to be sleeping, he could tell by the clenched jaw and twitching facial muscles that it wasn’t an easy sleep. 

“You know I can’t handle this, him, like Katie did or in the way you might want,” he murmured, careful to drop his voice so the sleeping wouldn’t hear them discussing him if he woke up. “I’ll keep my mouth shut about what I know, about who I am and what I  was to him, I’ll keep it secret about who he was, and will try to gloss around anything he asks about how he was hurt, but… eventually you’re going to have to tell him the truth, at least about why he’s in danger.”

“About why you’re both in danger?” Kane glanced over, not surprised to see Jared shaking his head. “Jared, I’m truthfully starting to think right now you’re the one in greater danger since no one knows what Jensen might have told you or said to you before he left that day.”

Jared understood that. He also understood now why their house in Atlanta had been firebombed. “Neither Rolston or Morgan know that I don’t know anything, so once this situation gets out and that Welling’s gone MIA, so to speak, I’m sure the danger risk will pick increase, but…” He shot another look over his shoulder before looking at the grim faced man next to him. “I don’t care about the threat to me, Chris. That’s been there ever since I joined the Marshals and it’s gotten worse since Jensen and I got together. I care about the threat to him. I told you before that I failed him once and I don’t plan on doing it again.”

“You didn’t fail him, kid, so stop thinking that you did. If anyone failed anyone, I failed both of you by not flying to Atlanta myself the moment I learned something wasn’t right.” Kane would have to work overtime for the rest of his life to make up for it, but right then his focus needed to be on the here and now.

“If you think you’ll need help sooner than we planned on tell me and I’ll send --why the hell is Murray calling me?” he asked with a narrowed gaze as the phone began to ring. It was never good when Chad Michael Murray called him instead of Jared. “Why isn’t he calling you?”

Scratching his head, Jared could see a couple scenarios that would involve his friend and former teammate calling the gruff speaking Kane, but none of them were good. “Answer it and find out?” he suggested.

“I hate you, Padalecki,” Kane muttered but hit the button on the steering wheel to answer his phone. “What?” he growled.

“Quick question for you, big guy,” Chad’s voice came over the speaker but it was more the sounds in the background that had both Kane and Jared’s attention. “You are the one in charge of this little operation right?” he asked. “FBI still trumps mere Federal Marshals so this is your op… right?”

Kane opened his mouth to snap a reply since it was a long standing issue between him and the often hyper Marshal that Jensen’s team always outranked Jared’s when they worked together, Jared was shaking his head at him. “Before I answer that… what the hell did you and those other two morons I left you with do that’s making you call to see who’s in charge?” he asked a little more warily when a noise in the background sounded a lot like Michael Rosenbaum shouting something about having a legal permit for a rocket launcher at someone. “Oh sweet Jesus, Murray! What the hell have you guys done and who the hell am I going to have to shoot or bribe once I get back to you?”

“Hey! Don’t blame this on us, dude! You clearly did not tell us when you dropped us and our objective at this ever so nice warehouse in the middle of downtown Georgetown, that another spook show with initials scarier than yours was also working this block!” Chad shouted back, turning to thrust his phone out to someone else. “Here! You growl at Kane. This is his op and I’m merely here to make sure my sniper doesn’t not-so-accidentally shoot anyone he’s not supposed to while the little blond goes medieval on that other jackass that you really don’t see.”

Kane’s eyes had about bugged out of his head at hearing this exchange while Jared was now fairly certain this operation had just gotten worse. Then the next voice heard made both of them groan.

“Hello boys, or should I just say, hello Agent Kane. I believe former Federal Marshal Padalecki is supposed to be persona non grata to our type these days?” a deep, cultured accented voice came over the speaker next while chuckling as the growls he could hear coming from Kane.

“Sheppard.” Kane knew the voice and also the man it belonged to. If he was now in his private safe house, things had just gone from awful, straight to the pits of Hell. “Don’t touch my team! I’ll be back and in your face within eight hours; less if I can manage to drive that fast without having to pull a gun on a State Trooper!” he snapped, disconnecting the call with a low curse. “This is not good.”

Jared had already figured that out, and while he worried about the others back in Washington, DC, he was glad that he and Jensen would be in the mountains of Tennessee so he didn’t have to deal with the short, stocky CIA man. To date, he’d only had one other dealing with him, and the last thing Jared wanted to do was repeat the meeting.

“Have fun, Chris,” he said before sitting back for the rest of the ride, ready to be at the cabin set deep in the Tennessee mountains that overlooked a crystal blue lake. The cabin should, Jared hoped, give enough privacy and protection to keep Jensen safe while also allowing the man to at least step outside and breathe fresh air.

While Kane drove a little faster, focused on getting this done so he could return and straighten out whatever Chad had caused to happen, Jared made a list of supplies they needed to stop to pick up before Kane dropped them off. Both agents were so focused, they didn’t noticed the man in the back seat shift in his sleep or the sleep that Jensen Ackles had lost interest in sleeping the moment his heightened hearing had started to pick up some of what had been said in the front seat.

He’d gotten bored shortly into the ride, and since he rarely slept because he hated the lingering shadowy dreams that often plagued him that he didn’t bother to share with his so-called protectors, he’d decided to give sleep a go. 

The ride was basically smooth and a radio playing classic rock had been turned on low. There was a strange comfort in the sounds of the car, though he soon decided that although he believed he liked the genre of music in his previous life, it was the soft drawling voice of his new bodyguard that seemed to actually be more of a help in letting him nap.

He thought he’d drifted to sleep, waking up sharply to the muffled sounds of explosions, shouts, and then other voices and his heart jackhammering in his chest. Staying still to avoid alerting the men in the front seats that he’d been jarred awake, Jensen let his heart settle while listening to…  _ Jared. H _ e recalled Kane saying his name before and a few times in the car as he complained about him not having enough clothes or other items. Truthfully, Jensen never considered that being an issue before since he really didn’t give a damn about caring for himself.

Turning more towards the door as if he were trying to get comfortable, Jensen debated making a comment to Kane after he heard him say something snarky to Jared; he decided that if anyone was going to be snarky with his bodyguard, it was going to be him. But he heard something that froze him. He listened to them talk about the danger he was in, but it was Jared’s words that hit Jensen the hardest. This man wasn’t as much of a stranger to him as he first thought, even if he couldn’t place him or even remember him.

Jensen knew there had been plenty of times where Kane or Katie, or even the doctors, both the ones brought in to see him now and the ones in the hospital, had talked about him while believing he’d been sleeping but hadn’t been. But he’d yet to learn anything. Every discussion about the man responsible for his injuries or Jensen’s past life was either done too low for him to hear, or the raging pain in his head would make him block out what was being said.

Now the pain was back, like his mind or body was trying to protect itself from something that had happened, but Jensen wanted to hear what was being said between Jared and Kane; especially after he heard that soft drawl say that he’d ‘failed him once and wouldn’t fail again’ and that ‘he didn’t care about the threat to himself so long as he could protect Jensen’.

He was just contemplating the true weight of those words when the phone call came through. The loud, hyper voice made him smirk a little even as Kane was growling, but the next voice, the stiff British one, caused his right fist to clench for some reason Jensen couldn’t place. He had to work to get it to unclench, the phone call abruptly ending with Kane muttering under his breath before Jensen’s fist was relaxed again.. He shifted a bit more, this time away from the door which allowed him to hear more of what was being said up front.

“If this mess with Sheppard isn’t just a fluke the guys stumbled into by accident and his team really has stepped into this, then we might have bigger issues,” Kane was saying as he slowed down to take a small side road that Jared had said would be coming up. “If Rolston or Morgan are working with that particular agency or something else has attracted them, then this is a huge problem. It might become necessary for me to pull in favors and lose both you and Jensen someplace no one but I know about.” he glanced back at a noise but saw that Jensen had merely moved as if trying to get more space for his stretched out leg. “Sheppard’s team is a last resort one, Jared. If someone in the government feels something’s gotten out of control and called them in…”

“Yeah, I know what the guy is, Kane. I’ve seen the result of his handy work so I know if Rolston’s pals in the government feel Jensen or I are a threat to whatever, the odds are good this place might become a death trap. I won’t be able to  move him through these woods quickly.” Jared had figured out the increased threat the second he’d heard the voice on the phone. “New plan or will you trust me to protect him while you make a scene in DC to draw the bastard out?” he asked, noticing the way Jensen’s hand was clenching out of the corner of his eye. His heart clenched as he realized Jensen was probably suffering from nightmares, something else he hadn’t thought to ask Kane about.

“I trusted you to pick the place to bring him, just like I’m trusting you not to fall apart while you’re with him. I’m going to let you punch me as soon as this nightmare is over so yeah, kiddo, we’re running with the plan we decided on.” Kane pulled up in front of a modest looking log cabin that looked too small for him but had a hunch that had always been the idea for the place. “Did he know you’d bought this place?” he asked quietly. “And does anyone else know about it?”

Jared had started to reach for the door handle when he paused, eyes moving to look at the sleeping man in the back seat and having to work on the sudden rush of emotion that had suddenly threatened to swamp him. “No, no one else knew so it’s secure unless you blab.” He stopped to open his door and step out into the cool, crisp autumn air. “It was going to be a wedding gift, so I wasn’t planning on telling Jen about it until the day we said our vows.”

“Jared…” Kane heard the pain in Jared’s voice even though when he looked at him his face was blank. “Damn it, Padalecki. You didn’t tell me that this place…” He stopped when Jared’s jaw clenched and his eyes shot to the back as if concerned that the sudden stop might cause Jensen to wake up. “Okay, truth time. Can you do this?”

Jared’s laugh wasn’t the deep, full happy one that most of their friends were used to. This laugh was tight, almost sad, and with a brittleness that worried the FBI man. “Do I have a choice, Kane?” he countered tightly, frowning when suddenly his arm was grabbed as Kane came around the SUV. “Back off, Chris. I… I can handle this. I’ll keep Jensen safe.”

“I know you will. I’m not worried about Jensen, I’m worried about you!” Kane snapped, starting to jerk Jared back around when he went to pull away. He grunted when a strong hand shoved against his chest as Jared whirled to face him with what could only be described as raw emotion now plain on his face.

“Why? You sure as hell weren’t worried about me for the last eight months when you decided not to tell me about -” Jared stopped in mid-yell when suddenly the back door of the SUV opened with enough force that Kane had to step back to avoid being hit. “Jensen… I mean, Mr. Ackles.” Jared had to step back in order to give himself the few short seconds needed to force his face to be calm, knowing he’d come too close to saying too much and showing too much emotion to Kane.

Jensen stayed sitting after he’d given the door a hard shove to open it after judging where the gruff speaking Kane was in relation to the door. He’d taken the time that Kane and Jared had been outside after the SUV had parked to try to settle the burst of unexpected emotion that had hit him upon hearing what Jared had said about this place, wherever or whatever it was, being a wedding gift. But it was when he said  _ the name  _ that something hit Jensen like a hard punch to the solar plexus, even though his mind still fought what he almost knew to be the truth.

“Interrupting something boys?” he asked tightly, turning his head to the left side where he sensed Kane was and feeling his jaw tighten in a way that Jensen really was surprised by. He’d never cared for the blunt and gruff speaking agent, but for some reason he couldn’t explain, he really wished he could see the man well enough to punch him. “Agent Kane.”

Rubbing his shin where the edge of the rear door had hit, Chris began to offer an easy comment, attempting to dispel any tension that might be obvious or any odd words Jensen might have heard upon waking up when the sudden clipped tone at Jensen’s use of his name had Chris doing a double take. It was a tone he’d only  heard from Jensen right after he and Jared had started to date and Jensen felt he was giving the younger man attitude during those first few weeks at the condo in South Carolina.

“No, you’re not interrupting anything, Jensen,” Kane replied, starting to reach into the SUV to help Jensen stand, worried the long trip might have made his still injured knee that much more stiff. Jensen jerked his arm back with a low growl. “Jen…”

“Don’t touch me and don’t ever call me that name.” Jensen’s tone had dropped dangerously and if he could see, he would have seen the look of surprise shot his way. He forced himself to stand, ignoring the way his legs shook and the pain that passed through his body. He stayed leaning against the door of the SUV, cocking his head when he heard a step in the gravel on his other side.  “Gonna tell me where I am now or are we still playing the I don’t need to know game… Marshal?” he asked in a slightly more level tone when he addressed Jared.

“I…” Jared had been quick to school his face and fought to clear his voice of any emotion so that when he spoke to Jensen he’d sound calm. But between the unexpected way Jensen had spoken to Chris, and the slightly more normal tone he’d used in addressing Jared, had managed to take him by surprise and he spent a moment rethinking how to handle the man before him. “I could simply tell you, but where would the fun be in letting you try to guess?” he finally said and had to steel himself to the emotions it brought when Jensen’s head turned as if he was looking at him. While Jensen’s face was paler, thinner than usual, Jared knew every facial tick and expression and the way Jensen’s jaw twitched still reminded Jared of when he was annoyed.

“Jerk,” Jensen muttered, taking a step but reaching out as he did so to catch the arm that instinct told him would be close. “Does this place have steps? Because if it does, that could be an issue for me… And for you if I decide to push you down them if you keep annoying me.”

Jared almost stumbled at that and knew Kane was standing behind them bewildered. Those were the exact words Jensen had said when they’d arrived at the condo on the beach and he still needed help up the steps into the place. “Umm, there are only two steps up to the porch, then it’s all one floor. There’s a back deck with steps but I’m going to avoid taking you out there until the urge to push me down the steps fades,” he said while trying to not grip Jensen’s arm too tightly and help, instead just letting him use his arm as support. “Kane, just put the bags inside the front door. I’ll handle putting the stuff away once I get Mr. Ackles settled,” he called back over his shoulder. “I also programmed a shortcut into the GPS so it should only take you five or so hours to get back to DC to handle that other mess.”

“Hey! Don’t drop the bag with the eggs in it either!” Jensen suddenly shouted back after giving a soft snarl at Jared when he moved in to hover a bit more once he’d stepped onto the porch. “He’s always dropping the eggs whenever he’d bring them. I hate eggs, or I think I do, but the quacks insisted I had to have the protein. Can you cook?” he asked suddenly, lips curving just slightly when it took Jared a couple of moments to catch up to all of his statements. “Does this place have a microwave? If you can’t cook, and I can’t see to cook even if I happen to know how, then we might starve and I don’t think the Fed growling behind us will like that.”

Kane waited until Jared finally got the door to the cabin open so he could coax a suddenly very chatty Jensen inside before he slumped back against the SUV to let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. “Holy shit!” he whispered, unsure if he was shocked or scared over what he was seeing much less what he almost was scared to think might be happening.

He was just placing the last of the supplies inside the cabin when he looked up at the sound of footsteps. “He’s never been this vocal so I’m guessing he’s trying to see how far he can push your limits. Just watch him, watch yourself, and if anything happens hit speed dial. I’ll get you help as fast as I can,” he stated, watching Jared’s face and recognizing the look of exasperation. “Jared… I wish I knew what to say or that I could send someone else to help you, but…”

“I’d rather deal with him by myself.” Jared decided not to mention how badly he’d underestimated his ability to handle this professionally. But he knew it would be easier to focus on the mission while putting his personal feelings aside with only himself to account for. “Call me if you find out anything I need to know or… if Chad and the guys have vanished into whatever pit Sheppard feeds people to when he makes them vanish?”

“Oh, I’ll be making that little prick vanish if he’s screwed my op or my people.” Kane refused to admit he might have just professionally adopted Chad and Justin as he got back behind the wheel. “He… doesn’t sleep much at night so when he does sleep? Try to get some yourself. I put the bag with the doctor notes and meds and stuff on the bathroom counter and… he might throw a punch when you try to convince him to let you change the bandage around his eyes.”

“Gee, thanks for telling me that, Chris,” Jared muttered. He moved back, sitting on the front steps just to catch his breath and try to steady his nerves as he watched the SUV drive off to put them alone. “I can do this. I  _ have  _ to do this. He needs me to do this even if afterwards when he’s safe I have to walk away and this time it will be me steering clear of him.”

Hearing the sound of the SUV driving off told Jensen that Kane was gone and it was now just him and his new bodyguard alone in the cabin. He felt smooth wood under his fingers when he’d touched a wall after Jared had left him to ‘rest’ in a bedroom while he went to send Kane on his way and unpack the supplies. He knew from touch and from what he’d heard earlier that this was a log cabin; a well built one, if he had to guess, since there was almost no sound from the outside which told him it had been built to keep noise and weather out.

Sitting back on a bed that felt queen sized, he almost sank into the mattress.  Jensen thought he might not have trouble sleeping in this bed since as he sat back to stretch out and felt muscles popping that he hadn’t realized were tight he almost fell to sleep right then.

Sliding his hand to the side, he found the knotted rope he used as a distraction had been placed there, as if Jared had known he’d be on edge from the move, the new surroundings, as well as having someone he just met with him.

Except as Jensen laid there and replayed all of what he’d heard on the trip to… wherever he was, he began to silently wonder if he hadn’t met Federal Marshal Jared… “Padalecki,” he tried the last name out silently a few times before whispering it since he’d asked Jared to repeat his last name earlier. Something in the way Kane had pronounced it just hadn’t seemed right to Jensen’s ears.

“It’s a little hard to say for most people, so if you need to call for me or need anything just call me Jared,” he’d been told earlier and before Jared had left him alone to rest or brood or think up ways to trip him down the steps.

“I don’t think I’ll have any trouble finding names to call you Marshal… Padalecki.” Jensen recalled saying back, noticing the way Jared’s breathing had changed. “I think right now I’m about to call you smartass.”

“Whatever you want to call me A… Mr. Ackles,” Jared had almost stumbled on a word and then had quickly excused himself.

Stretching his injured knee out carefully, Jensen let his fingers move slowly down so he could pull the loose leg of the sweat pants up and touch the heavy immobilizing brace he still had to wear. He hated the thing, as well as the injured leg, on top of every other injury he had that he wished he could recall getting.

Avoiding the flashes of pain, of fire and heat, as well as terror that often had him fighting to breathe or not scream for…

_ "I’m going to make you scream for him, Jensen. Just like I made your useless lover scream for you over the phone, I will make you scream his name. It’s a shame you played hero like you did…  I had plans for you to watch as my friends cut into him and burned him before I gave him to others to play with." _

_ "G-go to hell, Rolston! You can do your worst and… ugh… I might end up screaming but you… your bastards won’t ever touch… him!" _

_ "Oh, so brave and arrogant right now. But then we’ve only just started to hurt you. If I wanted, I could have that naïve Marshal back under my knife with just a phone call. Or haven’t you figured out yet how close the danger is to your precious Jared?" _

_ "What? W-what are… no. Oh my God." _

_ "Hello, Jensen, or would you still prefer Senior FBI Agent Ackles? Not that you’ll ever be that again since your dear uncle here has other plans for both you and my own Marshal." _

_ "He… he’s not… argh!! He’s not my damn uncle and you… you goddamn backstabbing bastard… You will never touch Jared! He’s… arghh!!" _

_ "Or maybe this is where we tell you that I already have and he died in the inferno that claimed that so-called house you shared. It’s a shame, really, that he had to die in case you had shared what you knew with him. While he had too many morals to suit us, he was good as bait." _

_ "No. You’re… you… I never told Jared anything! I wouldn’t have told him about that because I knew he’d be in danger! I… he…" _

_ "Oh well. He still had to die even though I would have preferred for you to watch him bleed out. Now, be a good boy and tell the nice Marshal where else you hid all that evidence you stole from us." _

_ "Fuck off, old man. Arrgggh!" _

Searing, burning pain woke Jensen with a muted scream. He rolled to his side and off the bed, nearly fall as his leg buckled but he refused to drop to the floor or find the closest small space he could until the sickening smell of burning flesh and the hot white flash in front of his eyes went away and he once again could lock away the nightmares that didn’t make sense to him…or hadn’t until maybe that moment.

Finding the door that he’d counted was five steps from the bed to step into the adjoining bathroom, he felt for the cool porcelain sink to jerk the tap on to pour water in his hands to splash on his face, not caring if the water got the damn bandages wet since he knew they needed changed soon.

Leaning on the sink, he rested his head on the wall that felt like tile instead of smooth wood and knew whoever had designed the bathroom had chosen tile rather than keep to pure wood.

_ "Hey! Can you tile over logs?" _

_ "And I’d know this how exactly?" _

_ "Kane says you know everything about anything so I figured you’d know this." _

_ "Great. Now you choose to listen to something Chris says. Jay, I love you but if you’re going to start listening to my friend than I might have to rethink this relationship. And what’s with all the questions about log cabins and property zoning?" _

_ "Uhh, nothing?" _

_ "I’m very glad we’re on the same side since your poker face sucks, Marshal Padalecki. Chad lies to me a lot better than you do, Jared." _

_ "I’ll be insulted later. What’s Murray lying to you about anyway or what’re you asking him that he has to lie to you, Jen?" _

_ "Lots but lately he lies to me when I ask what big secret project you’ve been working on for the wedding that you think I don’t know anything about. Y’know…I learned a lot about interrogating in the FBI." _

_ "Huh. You think I’d crack that easily…Agent Ackles? Hmmm, that is so not fair, Jensen." _

_ "Maybe. Maybe not but you forget I’ve been living with and sleeping with you for how long, Jay? I know all your weak spots so…how about saving time and just telling me what you’ve been planning or are planning." _

_ "Nope. Not until the day of the service. It’s a surprise for the honeymoon and I…think…I hope you’ll like it." _

_ "I love you, Jared Tristan Padalecki. You managed to survive life with me and all my secrets and things I still have to tell you so I will love whatever your surprise is. I love you, Jay." _

_ "Love you back, Jen." _

“Son of a bitch!” Jensen whispered, pain shooting through his head as well as up his back as he briefly recalled one doctor mumbling about nerve damage or something due to the knife wound on his lower back but he shoved all of that down to force his thoughts to the memories suddenly flooding his mind, some he could do without while others he suddenly reached for like a drowning man looking for a lifeline.

Glass breaking and a sudden curse from elsewhere in the cabin had his head jerking around and his breath catching in his throat as he blinked and saw laughing hazel eyes that could change from blues to golds to green depending on the emotion of their owner, of the emotions of… “J-Jared. Jared. Oh sweet God. What the hell happened to me?” Jensen lost his battle to stay upright and slowly let himself slide down to the cool smooth floor of the bathroom as he struggled not to lose himself in the rush of emotions he still didn’t fully understand or even know when all he did suddenly know was the man out putting away supplies was a lot more to him than he’d been told and he needed to find out what that was as well as who the hell he might have been.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Jared cursed the broken jar of sauce as well as the bleeding cut on his hand that he’d gained by trying to catch the damn jar as it fell.

He’d been sorting and putting away the various items bought at the quick stop at a mega-store for the last hour or so. Jared wondered when order and sorting had become a thing for him since that had always been Jensen’s thing but now as he worked at it he realized it helped to keep him from brooding about the things he couldn’t change or how he’d face Jensen when the man woke up or came out of the bedroom.

Jared had grabbed the bag from the bathroom earlier so he could read over all the doctor notes or instructions while frowning as he took in some of the medication left that Jensen was supposed to be taking and knowing a call to that doctor Kane had left the number for might be in order since a few of the bottles was raising red flags for him.

A look at the clock on the wall told him that Jensen needed the salve and drops put in his eyes soon but if the man had fallen to sleep then Jared hated to wake him for something that he guessed would cause Jensen pain or their first real fight if he didn’t want to let Jared do what would be needed not only for his eyes but the other wounds that still needed cared for.

“Shit, I am so not a medic,” he muttered while noticing his hand had finally stopped bleeding.

“What are you?”

“Holy shit!” Jared knew he’d probably just jumped a foot at Jensen’s unexpected voice as he stood in the door to the cabin’s kitchen. “Damn it! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I’m blind and can barely take a step without touching something so how exactly can I sneak up on you…Marshal Padalecki?” Jensen asked almost curiously, leaning on the counter that was just inside the kitchen. “I called for you but you didn’t answer so…your focus sucks. What are you?” he asked again.

Jared inwardly cursed that he’d let his own thoughts and doubts distract him that he hadn’t heard Jensen call for him; that was not something he could allow to happen again since he was responsible for the man. “Sorry. I…I cut myself on the jar I dropped so I must have zoned out which is not something I’ll do again,” he stood up and reached for the broom to finish sweeping up the glass while trying not to notice that Jensen was only in his loose sweatpants and that his feet and chest were bare. “Umm, did you need something? I mean, I know according to the schedule you need your eyes…why are those bandages wet?” he suddenly noticed the wet bandages covering Jensen’s eyes as well as the tightness around the man’s jaw. “Jensen? What…”

“What are you?” Jensen asked for a third time even though he suspected by the sharp inhale that Jared wouldn’t understand the question. He really didn’t himself but it was the first thing out of his mouth after hearing Jared talking to himself.

“A lousy bodyguard it seems since I zoned out when you called for me and…should that bandage be wet?” Jared tossed the broken glass away and pulled out a chair. “Sit down and I’ll try to make us dinner before I get punched for asking if I can clean your wounds.”

Jensen tensed automatically. He hated being touched. He hated having the wounds he still had cleaned mainly because he hated the touches that it brought. He also hated having the burns near his eyes cleaned because when he was without the bandage he ached to open his eyes but hated the feeling of loss and fear that came when the one time he had and it was nothing but dark shadows.

“I won’t promise not to throw a punch but since I can’t see you I probably won’t connect,” he remarked while feeling along the counter until he felt a hand but refused the chair since sitting was not what Jensen wanted right that second. “Answer me.”

Jared had to think back to what Jensen wanted answered only to frown. “Right this second, I’m the man responsible for keeping you safe so that’s what I am, Mr. Ackles,” he replied in his best almost formal tone only to frown more when the corner of Jensen’s mouth curved up into the soft smirk he so used to give when slightly amused.

“You called me Jensen when I made you jump,” he told him, knee aching and so grudgingly allowed Jared to lead him to the chair by the table. “You almost called me something else earlier before you bolted.”

“That…that was a mistake,” Jared had hoped Jensen hadn’t noticed the slight mistake and now could only hope he bought his excuse as he stepped away to reach into a cabinet. “Would soup and sandwiches be okay for tonight or would you want a meal? No promises on my cooking for big things but you won’t starve.”

“I won’t starve? Cute phrasing. You do plan to eat, right…Jared?” he asked, testing the name and wondering if Jared knew he could hear every time his breathing changed.

“Yeah, sure, of course I do but my main goal is taking care of you, Mr. Ackles,” Jared wondered if he had gritted his teeth on the use of Jensen’s last name but guessed he had when Jensen cocked his head much like he had before when Jared did or something that both intrigued and annoyed him.

Running his fingers over the table as if restless, Jensen felt the cloth bag that he knew contained the meds he was supposed to be taking and gave it a shove that took it away from him. “Say my name.”

“Huh?” Jared figured he was tired since now Jensen seemed to be intentionally trying to either annoy or confuse him. “Not professional to use your real name, Mr. …”

“Screw professionalism! Say my damn name, Jared!” Jensen snapped, a sudden need to hear Jared say his name making him restless and more on edge than he thought he’d already been when he’d finally pulled himself up from the bathroom floor with a need for answers…answers that he knew were not going to be pulled out of this man easily.

Biting his lip while taking in Jensen’s demand as well as the way he’d shoved the bag with his medication and other items away from him until it teetered on the edge of the table. “Jensen.” Jared finally gave in since he’d always been told it best to humor the person in his care as much as possible. “Happy?”

“No, not really,” Jensen could almost tell where Jared was when he moved so he turned his head even if he couldn’t see the other man but in his mind he also could almost picture him, 6’4” with broad shoulders, thick dark hair that touched his shoulders. “Now shorten it.”

What had been on the tip of his tongue fell off when he processed that demand. “Excuse me?” he stared at the hard set jaw as Jensen sat as if waiting for him. “It’s pretty clear from the few times Kane used it recently that you don’t like having your name shortened. There is a bowl of fruit really close to your hand and I don’t want to explain why I got a concussion from being beaned in the skull by an apple so…Jensen!”

The clatter as the bowl of fruit went skidding off the table, to the floor nearly shocked Jared but not as much as what happened next when he suddenly had a furious Jensen in his face just as Jared felt his lower back hit the edge of a counter and he instinctively reached out to grab Jensen’s wrists when he shoved him again.

“Fuck Kane! I’m not happy with him anyway and he knows I hate that nickname. I want to hear it come out of your mouth!” Jensen knew he was yelling because his voice was hurting his own head. He also knew he should be fighting like hell when he felt strong fingers grasping his wrists as his hands still were pressed against solid muscle but it was the wildly beating heart that he could almost feel under his one hand that he focused on since he knew he couldn’t see the man right in front of his face. “Say it! Damn it, Jared! Say…”

“Jen.” Jared murmured the name that he’d been only saying in his dreams for the last 18 months but felt the way Jensen stilled at the use of it and waited for the stinging pain of a fist to his jaw since he’d dropped Jensen’s wrists to avoid scaring the man.

“Again.” Jensen felt the grip on his wrists release but didn’t step back like he supposed he should have or like Jared might have expected. Instead his twisted his fingers in the soft material of a t-shirt that he almost seemed to know would be a light blue in color with an old car on the front of it. “Jared…please…”

Turning his head to the side while looking up to try to rid his suddenly burning eyes of the tears that had come not only from the emotion that saying that name brought to him but also the raw need he heard in Jensen’s suddenly deep voice while knowing the man couldn’t understand either that need or why when Jared spoke next the tears were evident in his voice.

“Jen…and please, don’t ask me to say that name again.” Jared hadn’t been expecting this confrontation since he wasn’t sure what had brought it up or what seemed to have triggered Jensen’s need for more answers than Kane had said he’d ever asked for. “I…I need to step outside for a second,” he hated to because Jared knew he’d never handle this if something as simple as Jensen asking to hear his own name hurt this much but he also knew he wasn’t about to explain why he was about to break to the other man.

Carefully stepping to the side so he could ease away from Jensen without actually touching the man, Jared had almost made it to the front door when he heard Jensen’s voice speak again.

“Were we married yet…Jay?”

**TBC**

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

# Chapter Four

# 

“Were we married yet… Jay?”

Former Federal Marshal Jared Padalecki froze with his hand on the cabin’s front door, heart lodged in his throat as that simple yet painful question almost took him to his knees. “W-what?” he asked shakily, almost praying he’d heard the words incorrectly.

“Were we married yet or hadn’t that happened before whatever the hell happened to me happened?” Jensen asked quietly, stepping from the kitchen but didn’t take another step since he could almost tell how close to running Jared sounded. He cleared his throat, knowing Jared hadn’t been expecting him to ask what he had, but needing to push further. “Who’s Rolston, Morgan, and… did you almost die in some fire at our house?”

Jared whirled from the door to stare at Jensen. The man’s face was pale, his jaw set like it would be when he was determined, but the confusion in his voice threw everything off. Jared felt the way Jensen looked. “J-Jensen? What… shit! You… Can you…”

“I don’t remember it all, Jared. I still can barely recall anything, but things are starting to hit me in waves. There’s a lot of things I really could do without, because I don’t think I want to remember being tortured or how I got these damn wounds but… your voice…” 

Jensen paused to shake off a wave of pain, sensing Jared had taken an automatic step closer. Somehow, he knew when he raised his hand that it would be caught. “I’m not sure if it was hearing your voice the first time or you treating me like I was almost normal, or… hearing some of what you and Kane said on the ride here that started to trigger me, but… when I slept after getting here, I woke up to memories of being cut and burned and I saw the faces of who did it and…” He paused and shuddered, then gasped when he felt his hand lifted and pressed against a warm cheek, too rough under his fingers. “And… you need to shave.”

Jared’s laugh was watery as he fought back tears. He was a mixture of elated, happy that Jensen was starting remember something, and pain for the confusion he would suffer if this was all the memory he would get. Flashes were one thing, but the idea that Jensen would never regain the emotions that came with the memories, other than the pain of what he’d endured for so long at the hands of Rolston, made his heart ache.

Then it clicked what Jensen had said about hearing them talk on the drive and he almost groaned. “You weren’t asleep in the SUV,” he muttered, knowing the man had probably heard most, if not all, of what had been said including the part about the cabin when they’d arrived. “You…” He stopped as if unsure where to go with this or how much he might need to apologize for. “I’m…”

“Were we married?” Jensen asked again, not sure why that was so important for him to know. But as his fingers brushed over Jared’s face, hating the tears that were streaking down his skin, that he had to know. “Was this place, this cabin, the big surprise project you said you were working on?” He felt Jared tense, heard his breath catch on a low sob, and moved quickly, far more quickly than Jensen thought he still could, to latch onto a retreating shoulder as he felt Jared start to pull away.

“Don’t you dare try to run from this or from me, Jared! I need to know. I need to know how much that bastard robbed me of and… I… I need you, Jay!” He broke on a sob of raw, lost emotion that Jensen wasn’t sure how to cope with when suddenly he felt himself be wrapped in strong arms that seemed to be shaking almost as badly as he was now.

Jared hadn’t been expecting this. He knew Kane had noticed a change in Jensen before he left, and both of them had hoped some of Jensen’s memories might start to surface. Of course, Jared wasn’t expecting the man to remember as much as he had so quickly, and he sure as hell wasn’t expecting Jensen to have heard what he had or ask if they’d been married already.

The need to cover his emotions, to protect Jensen from more pain, nearly had Jared running out of the cabin. But what froze him, what kept him where he was, and what finally gave him the strength he needed to reach out to bring Jensen into his arms, was hearing the man’s strong voice break on a sob. He couldn’t begin to comprehend the wall of emotions swamping Jensen, leaving him hurt and confused.

Jared held Jensen as tightly as he thought he could right that moment, not wanting to make his former lover feel trapped. He wasn’t sure what all he’d been put through or how he’d feel about being held or touched, but his heart leapt when he felt Jensen’s arms tightening around him.

Unsure how long it was that they’d stood in the middle of the cabin’s living room floor  holding onto one another, Jared felt Jensen’s leg shaking and knew he had to get him to sit down. “Shh, I’ve got you, Jen,” he murmured softly, shifting and feeling Jensen tense. The other man’s fingers dug into the back of his t-shirt, not willing to let go of Jared yet. “Sit down with me. Your leg is shaking, Jen. You need to sit down.”

“Stay?” Jensen suddenly felt exhausted, but even if he still barely had touched upon his memories, he had enough that he had no intention of letting go of Jared. “Tell me?”

Sitting down on the long, overstuffed sofa that Jared had bought spur of the moment, he was cautious when he wrapped his arm around thin shoulders but relaxed when Jensen made the move to shift so he could rest his head on Jared’s chest and stretch out his now throbbing leg.

“No, we hadn’t gotten married yet,” Jared began quietly, unsure what to say or how much to tell the man, since he wasn’t what would trigger a bad response or help aid getting his memories back. “We… we still had six weeks to go until we were going to be married but…” He sighed and nodded, looking around the room. “Yeah, this place was the surprise I had in store for you. I’d bought the land and had the cabin built as a place we could go to get away, maybe even move here someday if you really were serious about retiring from the…” He stopped before he mentioned Jensen’s job.

“FBI,” Jensen whispered, fingers restlessly moving over Jared’s t-shirt until they paused at the feel of an outline under it. “I was FBI, wasn’t I?” he asked while reaching for the chain Jared wore under his shirt, pulling it out. He knew what was in his hand even though he couldn’t see the gold rings. “Our rings?”

Nodding, Jared watched the way Jensen’s stiff fingers gently moved both rings around. “Yeah, you were FBI and yes, those were our engagement rings.” He felt Jensen shake under his arm but wasn’t sure if it was due to the chill now starting to fill the cabin or memories. “You’re not wearing a shirt, Jen. Let me start a fire since the last thing we need is for you to catch a cold.”

Jensen didn’t want to lose either the heat Jared’s body gave off or the feeling of the man beside him on the sofa, but nodded as he released him. He sat back into the cushions, holding the rings carefully in his hands after Jared removed the chain for him.

Flashes of memory hit him again and the pain in his head, sharp behind his eyes, was almost enough to make him ask for one of those damn pain pills he hated to take. Soon he felt strong fingers gently kneading the muscles in his neck as Jared sat back down, the heat from the flames now crackling in the fireplace, starting to warm him.

“I was FBI. You worked with the Marshals. We… we met while working together and…” Jensen’s head lifted from where it had once again found the spot under Jared’s chin that he always preferred to lay, fingertips light as they began to trace Jared’s lips. “And I wanted to kiss you from the first damn moment you mouthed off to me. I… I think I still do.”

Jared had to fight his body’s reaction to that comment since he had no intention of allowing anything to happen between them. Not now anyways, not until Jensen gained his memories back or they’d formed a relationship in which Jensen knew what he wanted. It wasn’t fair to go off of emotions that were rushing back, overwhelming and unclear. Jared blew out a slow breath and whispered, “I’m really trying to be professional here, Jensen.” 

Silent, Jensen’s fingers moved from Jared’s lips, slowly tracing and touching his face as if trying to re-familiarize himself.

“Screw professionalism, Jared,” Jensen repeated his earlier phrase from the kitchen as he pushed himself up more on the sofa, their faces closer so he could feel warm breath ghosting over his lips from Jared’s shaky exhale. “Memories are fleeting, they’re coming and going like something doesn’t want me to have them. But what I remember right now is that the last time I kissed you was on a Monday morning before I walked out the door of our house to go to New Orleans. I now realize that case was nothing but a huge lie to separate us.”

Jensen’s jaw clenched as he felt pain again but also the overwhelming terror when he’d gotten a phone call from -- 

“How… how badly did they hurt you?” he demanded suddenly, tone dropping to the ice cold steel one he got when pissed. “Jared? How bad did Rolston hurt you before I got to you?”

“Not nearly as badly as he hurt you,” Jared replied after several long seconds. He glanced down, looking over the scars and still present wounds from Jensen’s brutal treatment and knowing there were probably still worse ones that he hadn’t seen yet. “Not as bad as you,” he whispered again, shaking his head. “Your memories, they’re…”

“Flashes, like scenes from a movie edited together. I can’t focus on one for a long time, and if I do it flashes between pain, blood, fire, and… you.” Jensen wished to God he had his eyes because he longed to see Jared’s face and put sight with memory. He used his memories of Jared’s face to allow him to know where to touch now, where to kiss when he shoved his sudden nerves aside and leaned in closer to press his lips, soft and hesitant, to the corner of Jared’s mouth. “Jay, I…”

“I know. I know because I want to kiss you so damn much, but…” Jared groaned when soft lips found his fully, only for a brief second. It was as if Jensen understood this wasn’t the time and he wasn’t fully comfortable with an act that had been so natural between them.

“As soon as I can think without my head or eyes wanting to explode, I  _ am  _ kissing you, Jared,” Jensen murmured against his lips before easing back to settle with his head on Jared’s chest. He held onto the chain with their rings in one hand, as if they were a lifeline, and allowed his free hand to find the hem of Jared’s shirt. He hesitated for only a moment before slipping underneath the fabric.

Jared thought about reminding Jensen he needed hist bandages changed when he suddenly felt the touch of fingers under his shirt and swore softly, moving to grab Jensen’s wrist. He knew Jensen felt the first of many scars by the way the man still against him. “Jensen… I wasn’t hurt as bad as they hurt you. The worst wound I gained from that nightmare was believing you were dead for eighteen months, and I still need to punch Kane for not telling me that you weren’t.”

“There’s been nights that I’d wake up when I finally managed to sleep, hearing you scream on the phone without even knowing it was you...” 

Jensen hated the time he lost. He hated that there were still things he couldn’t place, memories with Jared that he knew he had but couldn’t recall, and could only hope with time he might get them back. He would be content to lose the ones he didn’t like, such as feeling the thin, stiletto-like blade cutting along his thigh… “Shit,” he breathed, going totally still in Jared’s arms as he suddenly forced himself to focus on the painful memory.

Feeling Jensen’s body stiffen, his hand withdrawing from beneath Jared’s shirt and reaching out as if needing contact to aid his mind in bringing the memory to the surface. “Jensen? What’s wrong? What’re you seeing or remembering? …Jensen?” 

He had almost reached the stage of panic that something else was very wrong with Jensen that he couldn’t see or wouldn’t know how to handle, when Jensen pushed until he was sitting up, still holding tightly to Jared’s hand. “Jen?”

“Call Kane, Jay. Call Chris now,” Jensen said, slightly surprised not to get an argument as he felt Jared leave the sofa long enough to grab his cell phone and bring it back. “Jared? Did someone blow up our house?” Jensen asked as that memory, of being told that Jared had perished in the explosion, every thread of hope he’d held onto suddenly disappearing, making him heartbroken, sick. He’d given up. The only thing keeping the memory from making him sick was feeling Jared beside him, knowing he wasn’t gone, that he was here and safe and alive.

Scrolling through his saved numbers, Jared glanced next to him. “Yeah, uh, right after I quit the Marshals someone had tried to drive me off the road. When it didn’t work, our house was firebombed.” He saw Jensen frown and wished he’d been able to save more of their things before he’d left. “That was when I decided to go underground until I either found you or figured out why I was still being targeted. I didn’t know who was targeting me, and there were very few people I could trust. I needed to work on my own to find you.”

“You… you believed I was alive even though they said they’d found my body?” Jensen was suddenly on edge but knew his knee would never allow him to pace like his body wanted to. His clenched fist twitched when he felt Jared touch the back of his hand.

“I had to believe you were alive, Jensen,” Jared murmured quietly, feeling Jensen turn his hand so their palms touched. “If I’d believed their lies, believed you were dead… I would’ve given up and probably swallowed my gun.”

Jerking his head to the side as it to stare at his former fiancé, Jensen just started to reply to that heart stopping comment when he heard the ringing of Jared’s cell phone. The sound stopped as it was picked up and had to stop himself from snarling at the gruff, exasperated voice that came over the line.

“Kid, I know I said to call me, but I was seriously hoping it wouldn’t be within the first twelve hours of being with Jensen!” Chris Kane growled, fingers running through his long black hair. “What the hell is it, Padalecki?”

“Hey, Kane, we need to talk. But before we do, and before you put Sheppard on, I need you to deliver a message to little Miss Cassidy for me,” Jensen began in a tone that was pure pissed off, a stark contrast to the soft, unsure voice of the man he knew his former teammate had gotten used to hearing recently.

Christian Kane had just been about to hang up on Jared when he froze at the voice he hadn’t expected. Across the room from him, Chad Michael Murray realized the importance of the phone call and bolted across the room, nearly slamming into Chris as he got close enough to hear through the phone. 

“Jensen?” Kane hesitated briefly. The tone was one he knew well, but it was the last thing he had been expecting to hear, much less have Jensen use the name of the man certainly fighting with him. “Uh, you didn’t actually push the kid down any steps and highjack his phone… right?” he asked warily.

“No, Jared’s sitting beside me. And remember what I told you before about calling him ‘kid’?” Jensen remembered growling plenty of times about his teammates talking down to his boyfriend, and now he understood from the moment he first heard Kane and Jared earlier why it bothered him. “Message before business, Kane. Katie with you?” he asked tightly, feeling Jared’s fingers grip his hand a little stronger and still loving that the younger man could sense when he needed support.

“Uhh, yeah, she’s trying to get Welling to blab about... Uh, well… ” Kane shoved Chad away before he could grab his phone, motioning to a staring Justin Hartley to go get the mentioned young woman so Jensen could deliver whatever message he had to her himself. “It doesn’t matter. What’s up and… what’s going on with you?”

“I need you to tell Katie that as soon as I felt the scar on Jared, the same one I have on my thigh and back, I knew. And  I’m sure Welling will have a matching scar in a few spots by now from that goddamn fucking stiletto blade she prefers when skinning people. Tell her that I will rip her goddamn throat out with my bare hands,” Jensen growled, hearing Jared curse, but he stayed sitting with him as the voices from the other end of the phone were less calm and a lot more vocal as those words clicked with a few of them.

“Bloody hell! One of you bloody sods grab that woman or put her in the ground before she bolts back to Rolston!” Mark Sheppard shouted, whirling to glare at a shocked Kane. “Two bloody traitors, Kane! And you actually wondered how Rolston managed to pull off grabbing Ackles so easily!”

“Welling’s dead and Katie’s gone, boss!” Justin Hartley shouted from across the warehouse.

Kane slumped back in his chair, ignoring the snarling and cursing going on around him to focus on the man on his phone. “Okay. So I’ll add finding and dealing with Miss Cassidy to my bucket list. Jensen, do you have all of your memories? And if you do how the hell long have you had them?” he demanded furiously. “If she was rotten, why the hell are you still breathing?”

“I’m guessing because I didn’t have my memories of what happened or who was involved. I couldn’t and still can’t see, but I’m betting I would’ve had an accident if she had gone to ‘pack’ for me. It was fairly plain to me by her reaction after she got the call that you were moving me, she wasn’t happy about your choice or to involve Jared.” Jensen brought the hand he held up closer to his face. “As it is, I’m not sure how much I’ll remember or if I’ll even keep what I have so far. Though for Jay’s sake. I hope to God I do. I wanted to call you in case I start to slip because regardless of anything else, I need you to swear to me... you goddamn swear to me, Chris, that if anything happens to me, you will end this so Jared will be safe.”

“Oh this won’t be a pretty scene wherever the hell they are,” Chad muttered, straddling a chair while grabbing his phone as a text came through.

“Nothing is happening to you!” Jared declared firmly, not liking the way Jensen was talking. “I’m here with you.  _ No one  _ is getting close to you.”

“Got to love the lad’s naïve beliefs,” Sheppard remarked, leaning back in his seat to smile after hearing a low snarl from the phone that he took to be aimed at him. “Hello, Jensen. How good are those shaky memories? You seem to have gained back quite a bit in just a few hours with the boy.” He shot a smirk towards Kane. “Imagine how much sooner he might have gotten them back had you actually told the boy he was alive!”

Flipping the other agent off, Kane shot the rest of his current team a warning glare. “I thought I was protecting both of them!” he snapped. “Why are you butting into my op anyway Sheppard?”

“He probably wants the same thing that Rolston and his pals want, the black box I took from someone rather high up before I left New York.” Jensen yawned, leaning further against Jared’s shoulder while absently rubbing his covered eyes. “You lied to me about what was on it, Mark. You knew as soon as I looked at it that I wouldn’t be turning it over to you.”

“Yes, but I was still hoping you’d see reason! But before you could, all hell broke loose. Rolston went after Padalecki before my agents could get to Murray that night to warn him.” Sheppard batted away Chad’s hand while ignoring the hard glare Chris was sending as this news was taken in. “The risk is still there, Jensen, but you need someone who can properly use that information in order to make sure both of you are kept safe and Rolston’s finally put down.”

“Chris, do you still have the boxes for mine and Jared’s wedding rings that I’d given to you to hold onto?” Jensen winced as he swore his eyes were going to bleed, pain lacing through them to match the throbbing of his knee.

Blinking at the odd question, Kane frowned before nodding. Then remembered he couldn’t be seen for multiple reasons. “Yeah, they’re in the bottom of my bag… I’d put them there to bring back to you and then just left them until I could work up the nerve to return them to Jared since I knew he carried your engagement rings on him.”

“You Yanks are too bloody sentimental,” Sheppard muttered.

Jensen’s lips curved up slowly while Jared muttered something too low for the other man to catch over the phone. “Maybe, and I will want those ring boxes but… the SD card that you want, that everyone wants, is inside the ruby colored box, taped to the bottom of the foam insert.” He chuckled softly. “Chris has had it all this time, but yet everyone just wanted to hurt Jared… Though to be honest, hurting me is what Rolston always wanted. He’ll never be happy until I’m dead or a slave in a pen somewhere in Mexico. That’s... what his favorite promise was.”

The moment Jensen’s voice dropped low, tone going almost listless, Jared reached for the phone just as Kane’s voice spoke up asking if he was alright.

“No, I don’t think I am but… I will be.” Jensen turned his head, facing the man beside him even though he couldn’t see. He knew Jared was looking back at him, worried expression on the face of the man he knew he’d always love. “I have what’s mine, Chris. I won’t blame him if he walks after this, given I can’t see him. I might not always know him and I know there are going to be times I’ll be a bastard to be near, but… he never gave up on me, Chris. And I will punch you in the throat for lying to him about me, I don’t care what reason you had. Now, before I pass out or forget, here’s what I have remembered from that hell.”

By the time Jensen managed to get through several scattered memory flashes of what little he recalled from the months he spent a captive, he was physically and emotionally exhausted. He recounted as much as he could of the man who had fueled his nightmare, how he’d made Jensen’s life hell since he’d been thirteen years old and Rolston had gone from his late father’s business partner to his maternal aunt’s husband. He sank against Jared’s side, shaking and in desperate need of the silent support.

“Send Jared someone to back him up, someone he can trust… someone  _ we _ can trust.” Jensen was finishing up the call and forced himself forward, pushing to his feet. “Chris, with that SD card... there’s another one for you. When I made it, I planned on both you and Jared seeing it but… it’ll tell you what else I have on Rolston. Get it, use it, but just end this. Now I’m going to go take a shower before I try to convince Jared to sleep with me in a bed rather than this sofa.” He heard Jared’s note of protest behind him and smirked. “I think he was planning to sleep on it since this cabin’s only got one bedroom, but I sure as hell am not letting that happen.” he stated and handed off the phone, feeling the shaking hand squeeze his shoulder and knowing that Jared understood he needed time.

“The chance of you getting visitors in the next day or so is high, so keep your guard up and I’m sending Murray and Rosenbaum to you ASAP,” Kane said once he heard Jared’s voice on the line. “Jared? I didn’t count on him getting his memories back this fast, and I don’t know what will happen if he doesn’t keep them. I’m…”

Jared understood only too well what would happen if Jensen lost what memories he’d gained back. He just had to pray that it didn’t happen. “I don’t want your apologies, Kane. I want you to make sure Jensen can live his life freely and without being worried about someone coming after us again.”

“Wrong line of work to look for that, kiddo,” Sheppard remarked, eyeing the way Chad was scowling at his phone. “You both have enemies and probably have more now. Wanting the cookie cutter life isn’t going to work unless you let Murray here do the whole bloody Witness Protection thing. But we all know too well how that plays at times.”

“I don’t want to hide, I just want Jensen safe.” Jared would do what he had to in order to see that happen. “Kane? Send me a doctor you trust. Some of the meds in that bag seem wrong and now I’m wondering if Katie was giving him crap to keep him from getting better or damaging his eyes more.”

“Yeah, he’ll be with Mikey and Chad when they get to you,” Kane replied while kicking himself again for not seeing the traitors in his own midst. “Jared? Be careful.”

As the line clicked off, Jared tossed the phone to the coffee table and rechecked the cabin’s doors and windows before turning on the security system. He hoped it would give him enough warning if they did have visitors before any help arrived.

Hearing the shower running made him glad he’d chosen to install a good size bathtub enclosure rather than a simple clawfoot tub like his contractor had wanted to build. He kept his attention alert in case Jensen needed him as he decided to make a few sandwiches since neither of them had eaten yet.

Grabbing the tray of food and drinks, he added the small First Aid kit in case Jensen had wounds that needed to be dressed before a medic he thought he could trust showed up. “Hey, I’m not giving you any of those meds or the eye drops in case those aren’t in your best interest, but I have some normal First Aid stuff I can use until… oh holy shit!” Jared was glad he’d already placed the tray on the dresser before he turned as Jensen stepped from the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his too narrow waist. “Jensen?”

“And that’s why I never allowed you to play poker with Kane and the others.” Jensen suspected what his former lover had seen since even though he couldn’t see the scars and still present wounds, he knew where most of them were by touch. He knew his body was covered in scars from burns, badly stitched cuts, and other various wounds. “You have no filter, Jay.”

Hitting himself for that outburst, Jared started to apologize but stopped short when he saw Jensen take a step and his knee start to buckle. He reached out quickly, grabbing Jensen’s shoulder to keep him from dropping to the floor. Jensen winced but allowed Jared to lead him to the bed so Jared could see how badly swollen and discolored the knee still was. “Jensen, has Kane seen this? It needs to be drained or something… this is way more than just normal swelling,” Jared murmured, pressing lightly around the skin of Jensen’s knee. He watched the fluid shift beneath the skin and winced along with Jensen. 

“I really didn’t trust Kane or anyone who was at that house, Jared,” Jensen admitted, gritting his teeth as he helped lift his knee so Jared could slide a pillow beneath it. “Knowing what I do now, I’m guessing the ‘doctor’ who came weekly probably wasn’t on Chris’ payroll... which also tells me my knee is probably infected like a few of these scars are. Jay? Breathe before you pass out on me because that would be so bad.”

Seeing the badly cared for wounds angered Jared more than he already had been, but what pushed his temper past the boiling point was when Jensen asked him to help him remove the bandage around his eyes. He expected the burns to be bad, Kane himself had tried to explain what they looked like when Jensen was still in the hospital, but there was nothing that could prepare him for what was beneath the bandages. He had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to keep the string of harsh oaths inside.

“That bad, babe?” Jensen heard the sharp inhale of breath and felt the way Jared’s whole body tensed once he’d unwrapped the bandages that covered his useless eyes. “Jared?” he started to reach out, only to feel his hand caught and held.

“When --Jensen, has Kane seen  _ any _ of these wounds recently?” Jared asked the safest question he thought he could right then while reaching over to turn on a light beside the bed. His breath caught when he saw the way Jensen winced as if the light bothered him even behind closed, dirty, and tear-dried covered lids.

“I think my wounds bothered Chris, that and the fact I couldn’t remember… he felt guilty, I think, because he really didn’t come more than once a month. Katie would schedule the doctor visits for either before or well after Chris or Mike had been there.” Jensen had to fight the reflex to jerk his head away from the ever so gentle touch of a thumb brushing over his eyelids. “They… they stopped opening a month or so ago, despite me trying even though it always freaked me out when all I could see was black shadows,” he murmured, hating this injury the most. “I… I want to see you, Jay. Even with that stuff we’ll call scruff, I want to see your face so damn badly.”

Jared forced a shaky smile that he let Jensen ‘see’ by taking his clenched hand and uncurling his fingers to let them trace his lips again. “You will see me again, Jensen,” he promised softly as he got a warm cloth from the bathroom, holding it gently against Jensen’s skin to soften the dried drainage. He wiped carefully, freeing Jensen’s long lashes, but it was at each corner of Jensen’s eyes that he paid special attention. What he saw as he cleaned Jensen’s eyes made him grit his teeth against the burning rage. “Jensen, if I tell you something I need you to promise not to freak out or demand I do something that we both know I won’t.”

“Well, now that’s not exactly going to help me to not freak, telling me not to freak out while you’re playing nurse… But, go ahead.” Jensen felt Jared’s hand shake and just by touching the younger man’s face, he could tell he was fighting his temper. “The burns were from hot wax being dripped on my face, near my eyes, and then it was peeled off once it cooled...” he hadn’t wanted to reveal the details of the torture he endured to Jared, but figured he should since he guessed he’d have a few more triggers than he’d had before. “He knew of my phobia for fire so… candle flame, hot wax… I think the candle flame was probably the last thing I saw clearly. I don’t honestly know if it got in my eyes or not but…”

Grabbing a small penlight out of the kit, Jared decided to test a theory by giving the light a couple quick strobe passes past Jensen’s closed lids, and again saw the reflex blink. “When I moved the light just now did you see anything?” he asked warily, trying to not sound hopeful in case his guess was wrong.

“I always see shadows if something moves past my face. At least I have for the last month or so. but the doctor that came to the safehouse said the blindness and the shock of it paralyzed my eyelids so they won’t open now. Jay, you need to stop grinding your teeth.” Jensen cocked his head as he felt his hand taken again, but this time he felt Jared move his fingers over his own eyes. “Jared, what’re you…” he started to ask only to stop, feeling again until he thought he might know what Jared wanted him to feel. His breath hitched and he forced himself to remember Jared’s earlier comment about Jensen not freaking out. “What… what the hell is that?” he demanded through clenched teeth. “Jared? What…”

“Two small stitches at the corner of each eye, Jensen. Your eyelids aren’t paralyzed, someone made it so you couldn’t open your eyes.” Jared grabbed for Jensen’s hands when he saw him start to move them towards his face. “No, don’t touch them.”

Panic was hitting him for some reason Jensen couldn’t define and only Jared holding his hands against his chest kept him from trying to rip the stitches out himself. “Cut the stitches out, Jared. Please… I…”

“Jensen, Jen, calm down and listen to me.” Jared wished he’d kept his mouth shut, but he wanted to at least give Jensen hope that he might not be fully blind. “Jen, as soon as Kane’s doctor, a  _ good _ doctor, gets here with Chad and Mike he can cut the stitches out but…  I’m… I’m scared to touch them. They’re so close to your eyes, Jensen, and if I -- it has to be done right. So please just wait,” he urged, brushing his thumbs over Jensen’s cheeks, followed by his lips and soon felt Jensen go still. He hesitated a moment before he slowly leaned forward, his arms slipping around Jared. “I swear, this will get better, Jen.”

A piece of Jensen hoped Jared was right but he’d been through too much in his life to trust anything until it happened. “If it doesn’t?” he asked quietly. “Jared, it’s been…” He stopped to remember how long Jared had said.

“I love you, Jensen.” Jared thought he knew where this might be going because he’d heard the same tone the night in the condo when Jensen still doubted his ability to handle the secrets he carried. “I told you once that I would stick it out with you no matter your past or the time it took for you to share things with me, and now I’ll tell you the same thing.” He lifted Jensen’s face in his hand, tipping his head up even though he knew at this time he couldn’t be seen. “If none of this had happened, in six weeks I would have promised to love you, to stay by you through it all. I will still promise you those things. You asked me to trust you there that day, and I’ve trusted you from the first day I met you. Now I ask you to trust me to have your back no matter what happens, tomorrow or the next day.”

Trust was still hard for Jensen to give, especially now after being betrayed so many times by people he thought he could trust. “I will always give you that trust, Jared,” he replied softly, hesitating a second while working the words in his head out to his lips, words he thought he’d never say again. “I love you, Jared.”

Those words were always harder for Jensen to say, so Jared was a little surprised given everything that the man was able to say them to him again so soon. He smiled and lightly pressed a kiss to the corner of Jensen’s brow, not saying anything when he felt Jensen slowly relax in his arms. Jared shifted so he could sit and hold him on the bed. “Food and sleep?” he asked after a moment of silence.

“If I’m not talking you into making out before we sleep then yeah, I guess I can try a bite or two. I don’t eat a lot so…” Jensen shrugged, not giving more of an explanation.

“No, we’re not making out until you’re stronger and can get used to me again but… maybe you can talk me into kissing you, or I’ll talk you into kissing me on the sofa tomorrow.” Jared chuckled, grabbing the tray of sandwiches and drinks to take to the bed.

Taking a small bite of sandwich made Jensen remember how long it had been since he’d eaten food he trusted, much less tasted good. He was careful not to eat too fast, not wanting to risk throwing it back up. “Do you plan to shave that stuff off your face before I get talked into kissing you?” he asked with a teasing smile, running his fingers over the slight scruff on Jared’s cheeks before moving back through Jared’s hair. The last time he recalled touching it, the waves had almost reached his broad shoulders. Now it felt a few inches above them. “Jay, you got this backward, dude. You cut your hair but grew a beard? We need to fix this before I think you’re an alien.”

Laughing out loud almost sounded odd to Jared who hadn’t done it in such a long time. But as he listened to Jensen complain about his lack of hair and too much facial hair made him happy to hear something so normal from a man who had been through so much recently.

“If I shave in the morning and let my hair grow back out ,will that make you happy, Jensen?” he asked, moving the tray back to the dresser once he saw Jensen appeared to be full. He was happy to see Jensen had drunk two bottles of water and now appeared to be almost sleepy. He reached for Jared once he came back to the bed.

“Hmm, it’ll be a start.” Jensen yawned. He was wary of sleeping, half terrified that he would wake up and this would turn out to be a dream, and the remaining fear was over losing his memories. But as he felt Jared hesitate a second before stretching out beside him he decided to risk it in order to feel the warmth and strength of Jared’s arms around him. “Jay? Remind me to thank you for deciding to be my bodyguard.”

Jared’s fingers moved over Jensen’s arm as he watched the man slowly start to fall asleep. “Thank Chad. He’s the one who texted me that he’d picked up you might not be dead. I just went and ruined one of Chris’ ops to get answers. Thank you for starting to remember what you have, including me.”

“I might be blind right now, but my heart isn’t.” Jensen lifted his head to find and meet Jared’s lips in a slow, light kiss before laying it back down and drifting off for his first real, deep sleep in over a year.

Swallowing the lump in his throat that caused, Jared waited until he was sure Jensen was asleep before closing his own eyes, hoping he could give Jensen some peace so he could start to heal. “Love you, Jen,” he whispered softly but still couldn’t shake the concern of what else might be coming.

\----

“Jared? Does this place have Wi-fi or cable?” Jensen Ackles’s voice asked over the razor running in the bathroom the next morning.

Working on running the razor over his face a final time to make sure his face was once again smooth, Jared Padalecki shut the razor off to smile, tongue stuck in his cheek. “No to either,” he called back and then counted to five before he heard a low curse. “It’s got a lake with fish and a lot of cute furry animals to watch play and… Jensen? Are you cussing me out?”

“No, I’m wondering if sometime while I was… gone… if you got a concussion that was left untreated.” Jensen felt his way to the bathroom door, leaning against the frame while wrinkling his nose at the smell of aftershave. It seemed different than what little he recalled of Jared from before. “I can’t see you without your laptop or a TV. When you built this place, just what were you planning on us doing to kill the time without either Wi-fi or cable?” he asked before he thought, hummed low in his throat as another idea came to mind. “Never mind. I can now see the advantages of not having either of those things… or I can as soon as I can see you and get stronger so you won’t have this weird worry of taking advantage of me if we make love.”

Smiling, Jared put his razor away and turned to step closer just as Jensen sensed him and opened his arms. “Weren’t you concerned about the same thing after I was hurt that one time?” he countered only to lose his focus the moment warm lips ghosted over his now smooth cheek. “So not fair, Jensen.”

“Yes, I was. And I know it’s not.” Jensen did recall the time a case had gone bad for Jared and left him both badly injured and emotionally withdrawn. He’d blamed himself for the death of the family his team had been tasked to protect. “I also understand your reasoning, but I’m just edgy.”

“Why?” Jared had felt an odd edge that day himself when he’d stepped out onto the front porch earlier but had pushed it aside as his own deep set paranoia about someone coming for Jensen before the backup arrived. “Jensen?”

Unable to explain why he felt this way and willing to put it off to having too many memories -- though not enough to suit him -- Jensen shrugged it off in favor of letting Jared dress the wounds he hadn’t the night earlier. Once they were done, they settled in the kitchen, Jensen listening to Jared as he cooked breakfast.

Sipping coffee strong enough that Jensen was fairly certain he wouldn’t be sleeping for a day or two, he smiled as Jared got into a small fight with the pack of bacon. Then suddenly he winced as if something flashed in front of his closed eyes. “Jared? Did you just catch something on fire?” he asked tightly, but didn’t smell smoke. “Jared?”

“Go in the bedroom and into the bathroom, close the door and stay there until I get back inside, Jensen.” Jared’s voice was the key for Jensen to know something was wrong; it was deeper than usual, as well as much more serious, which was something Jared rarely was unless he was on a case and danger was close.

Pushing to his feet, Jensen stepped towards Jared instead of towards the bedroom, reaching shaking fingers to touch his former fiancé’s arm. Jared was on edge and it made Jensen’s own heart rate pick up. 

“Jared? Call and see where Chad or Mike are,” he urged quickly, fingers closing around Jared’s wrist. “Don’t go out there, Jay. Please, don’t go… huh?” he whirled at the sound of glass breaking and then fought panic when the smoke hit his nose. “What the hell?”

“Shit! Smoke grenade!” Jared said it so Jensen would understand it wasn’t fire, but this scenario also wasn’t good. Jared reached for a kitchen towel, passing it to Jensen to cover his mouth and nose, when he heard another window break towards the rear. “Damn it! No one was supposed to know about this place! No one!”

Jensen heard the unspoken concern in Jared’s voice. He also heard the guilt and knew Jared was blaming himself for being unable to protect him. “Back door?” he asked as he heard a cabinet door open and slam shut, then something was pushed into his hands. He recognized a small duffle. “Jared?”

“There are twelve steps off the back porch. Take them, take the path fifteen trees until you reach the lake. There’s a shed there that you can hide in until I… until I get to you.” Jared hated to separate, but he also needed to lead these bastards away from Jensen if he could. “Go and I’ll be --”

“Like I was right behind you that day in the warehouse?” Jensen shot back, nerves hitting him since he knew who was after them. Flashes of the pain he’d endured as well as being locked in a cage like an animal all were making it hard for him to breathe. “No. I’m not leaving you, Jared. I… I can’t leave you.”

Jared cursed his stupidity for not realizing how much of this was too similar to that day on the dock. He grabbed Jensen’s hand, realizing how cold it was, and through the smoke creeping into the kitchen to see fear like he’d never seen on the man’s face. “We’ll be okay, Jen,” he promised even as he was grabbing his gun from the table, snatching his phone to trigger the alarm that would go out to signal trouble, and reaching for Jensen’s other arm. He was debating between the front and back doors when the choice was taken out of his hands.

The front door crashed down, the alarm on the door starting to scream and all Jared heard was Jensen shout his name before searing pain hit his upper chest. He felt himself falling at the same time a voice he knew would send Jensen’s panic up was heard from near the living room.

“Hello, Jensen. You didn’t think I was through playing with you, did you?”

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

# Chapter Five

“Hello, Jensen. You didn’t think I was through playing with you, did you?” Mark Rolston’s smooth voice spoke as he stepped through the slowly fading smoke to sneer at his former wife’s nephew. “I’ve been told that you might be getting one too many of those pesky memories back! And that just won’t work for me or my friends at all.”

Jensen Ackles froze the moment he’d heard the voice he only now started to recognize and recall from his nightmares since his memories of those months of torture, of abuse at this man’s hands, started coming back to him full force. It was only another voice that kept him from curling in on himself.

“Jensen! Turn left and  _ run _ !” Jared Padalecki shouted, voice shaky as shock and blood loss from the bullet that hit him in the upper chest. He watched the man he love freeze and he knew he had one shot to get Jensen clear until their back-up was there. “Security! House! Lights! Strobe!” he shouted the orders to the voice activated security that would turn on the bright security lights inside the house and hopefully would blind their attackers. He rolled to his feet, nearly falling, but felt shaking fingers grabbing for his forearm to help him stand and help him out the back door, even as another bullet struck the doorframe.

Even with his eyes unable to open, Jensen could still sense the bright strobe lights, shadows flashing behind his closed lids; he was almost glad he couldn’t see right, knowing they had to be overwhelming. He was thankfully quick to snap himself out of the fog of fear and memories the voice of his tormentor caused.

“Right!” Jared knew his little light trick wouldn’t buy them much time, and he knew Rolston probably had other men in the woods surrounding his cabin. This was a place he’d thought was safe for them, a place that  _ should _ have been safe for them. 

“There should be a path to the left now that leads to the water.” He didn’t hear anyone crashing through the woods after them, so he slowed down a little to look at his bleeding chest, grateful to see the wound was closer to his shoulder. The amount of blood seeping through his shirt, however, was not comforting. “Jensen?”

“He’s never going to leave me be until I’m dead,” Jensen whispered, leaning against a tree to catch his breath. His knee was searing in pain and it dawned on him he hadn’t put the brace on yet. “Jay, I’m not going to be able to run much more. My leg…”

A glance down had Jared swearing as it clicked what was being said. “I’ll…” he started to say only to groan as his wound reminded him it was there. He saw Jensen’s lips curve up sadly. “I’m not leaving you, Jensen. We’ll both get out of this or…”

“Go, call Chad. Find help. I can stall him because while he’ll use you as a weapon against me, it’s me he really wants. He knows it’s me that can put him in a cell.” Jensen reached into the duffel he’d still been holding when they’d run from the cabin, fingers digging inside until he found what he’d been hoping was inside it. “You can’t protect me, Jared. If he kills you or worse, I’d rather be dead. Now go before he catches up to us.”

Frowning, the former Federal Marshal understood what Jensen was saying, but the former fiancé, the man who’d fought for eighteen months believing his lover was alive only to finally get him back, wasn’t as eager to listen to reason.

“I protect what’s mine,” he said and knew when Jensen recognized his own words because he scowled at him. “You have protected me so many damn times, Jensen. You risked your career for me, you’ve been hurt because of me. You could have died, and I thought you  _ had, _ because of me! This one damn time let me take those risks with you! For you!” 

Jared felt his head swimming from blood loss and shock, but saw Jensen’s tight nod a second before searing pain struck his lower back. Jared couldn’t cover the scream of agony as he felt himself start to fall, an arm coming around his neck and jerking him upright while a gun was aimed past his ear at Jensen.

“How sweet! It’s a shame you have to die, Marshal, before watching my nephew die screaming for you,” Rolston sneered, his pistol aimed between the eyes of a frozen-to-the-spot Jensen. Rolston was easily controlling Jared, the arm around his throat tight.

Jensen had gone still at Jared’s scream. He’d heard the electric clicking and knew a taser had been used. Then, he heard Rolston’s voice. His own fears and memories came clawing to the surface and he had to fight them back. 

“I’m not your nephew, you sick bastard,” he gritted out, too many sounds around him making it hard to get a bearing on where Rolston was standing in regards to his location and how he might be keeping Jared pinned. “You used my aunt as a way to marrying into her family’s money since my parent’s murder-suicide cost you marrying Mom after she divorced my father!”

“That is true. I’d worked hard to convince your mother to leave that waste of space… She had family money on top of what she would’ve gotten in alimony -- inheritance if Steve had died before the divorce was finalized. But of course, your father had a temper. He ruined my plans, murdering your mother in the process, so I had to move to Plan B.” Rolston snorted, his arm tightening around Jared’s neck until the Marshal grunted in pain. “Like father, like son. You had to come around and try to ruin that plan, too. Didn’t you?I had your aunt, that stupid woman, convinced you were a gay faggot only interested in dealing drugs after she got custody of you. I had the perfect set-up in Texas with her, Jensen, and you ruined that.”

“You used her money to feed your gambling habit, her country club membership to feed your habit for sex. Then you used her blind stupidity and belief in you to start to feed your sex trafficking life!” Jensen shot back furiously, struggling to listen for sounds from Jared. He’d been hearing strangled gasps and grunts, but now only heard silence. “Let Jared go, Mark. It’s not him you want, it’s always been me.”

“If your aunt hadn’t come into the basement of the club that day, if she hadn’t learned of my plans for you and for all those damn useless kids... I still would have it made and she’d be alive!” Rolston shouted, firing a round into the ground, the echoing of the shot blocking out the sound of his movement as he moved forward, slamming the hilt of his weapon into Jared’s head. “And I’m  _ not _ letting him go, not when I know what you’d do for him. I should kill him... but without your eyes, you can’t see me bleed him like a pig. It won’t have the same effect, but he can watch as I bleed you slowly instead.”

“D-don’t touch him!” Jared’s words were slurred, his vision swimming from lack of oxygen flow, but he knew he had to stay conscious. “Jensen…  _ run _ !”

“No, I won’t leave you, Jared,” Jensen replied, the ringing in his head finally subsiding from where the butt of the pistol had struck. He shifted his body slightly, careful to keep his right hand slightly behind him. “I love you, Marshal Padalecki,” he murmured, able to hear the way Jared’s breathing changed at his use of his former title.

“Love you back, Agent Ackles,” Jared returned, grunting as the arm around his neck tightened. He could start to feel consciousness fading, his vision turning hazy and the edges growing dark. He fought to keep his eyes open and on Jensen, ears pricking at a sound in the distance. “Jensen…”

Rolston sneered at the exchange between the two men without really understanding it. “Does the Marshal know everything we did to you in those months you were my guest, Jensen?” he asked with a smirk, watching the man before him tensing at the memories. “Do  _ you _ even remember it all?”

“No, he doesn’t and no, I probably don’t,” Jensen hissed. “Thanks to you, your sadists and the drugs, the beatings and all the pain... you’ve probably cost me memories that I’ll never get back. Including memories of Jared, our times together… Nevermind the months you cost me with him because I would rather risk my life that day than ever allow you to touch him, sell him, or kill him!” Jensen heard his voice shake, dropping low in buried emotion; he had remembered more of his capture than he’d admitted to Jared. “Kill me, Rolston! Kill me. Because if you don’t, and you hurt him, I will see you dead before I see you in a cell.”

“Still so arrogant, Jensen. Have you forgotten you’re blind and helpless while I hold a gun? How easy would it be for me to pull the trigger and kill your lover, then you, before you’d even know which way to move?” Rolston cocked the gun while tightening his arm to keep a suddenly struggling Jared still. “You don’t have anything on me to make me fear a cell, boy. Anything you had burned when we burned Padalecki’s house, and my friends will make sure that other little matter disappears as soon as Kane fucks up and has an accident.”

Jensen frowned at that but quickly put that concern to the side to focus on what was vital to him: saving Jared from a man that he should have dealt with years earlier. 

“Actually, all the paperwork that linked you to that sex club in Dallas, to those kids deaths, my aunt’s death and my near death, as well as everything else I’ve ever gathered on you is on a disc in the hands of several states’ Attorney Generals by now. It is all on a precious little SD card that you, Morgan, Harris, and everyone else involved in that plot to kill the President wanted so badly. You tortured me, blinded me, tried to kill the man I loved more than once… and it was never in that house. Kane and Sheppard, names you know and recognize, have already made sure that plot won’t happen. They’ve also ensured you will not be as useful to the FBI as you once tried to be.” He paused to take a slow breath. “Jay? You with me yet?” he asked, using the one nickname that he never had unless they were alone.

“Yeah… Jen, I’m… I’m with you.” Jared wasn’t sure how much longer he would be, but at that moment he was, and saw slight movement of Jensen’s right hand.

“One more time, do you trust me?” Jensen knew this was the tricky part since asking for trust was hard normally, more so since he was blind, his arms still weak, and his injured knee was barely holding his weight right then.

“Always and forever,” Jared replied, watching Jensen’s face for another second when he felt Rolston start to move. He knew he had only one chance at this. “High and left!” he shouted, using what strength he had left to slam into Rolston, successfully knocking the gun from his hand and away from the aim of fire of Jensen. Jensen’s right arm came up from where he’d kept it hidden behind his body, and Jared saw the spare Beretta he kept in the duffel bag being aimed, Jensen’s finger on the trigger. Rolston scrambled up from where he’d lost his balance to reach for them.  “Jensen!”

The sound of the Beretta firing seemed deafening to Jensen right then, but as soon as his finger pressed in the trigger, he was acting on instinct. He’d heard Jared shout his name, heard a discharge of what he assumed to be Rolston’s weapon or one of his cronies, and felt something whiz close to his head. He felt his right shoulder and knee hit the hard ground, sending waves of nauseating agony though his already injured knee.

“Damn it!” Jensen gritted, tightening his grip on the Beretta when he heard a sound that had his head jerking around. “Jared!”

“You stupid bastard! I planned on keeping you alive so I could enjoy watching my people make you scream! To watch you lose hope like you did before someone got stupid and called the damn Feds to save your worthless ass!” Rolston screamed, furious that his simple plans were once again being ruined by this prick.

The ex-FBI man turned drug/sex trafficker had been shocked when Jensen’s shot actually hit him, grazing his arm and forcing him to drop the gun he’d managed to get up off the ground after Jared knocked into him to alter the course of the bullet he’d fired.

Seeing Jensen hit the ground hard gave him a small sense of satisfaction, but knowing he still had the Beretta was a problem. Rolston ignored his useless arm to scramble to his feet, giving a series of hard kicks to a still weakly struggling Jared’s mid-section, then a final hard kick to the man’s defenseless head for good measure. Confident the Padalecki-prick wouldn’t be getting up any time soon, he stalked towards Jensen still was on the ground, foot lashing out to kick the pistol out of his hand. Then he dropped down so his knees pinned Jensen to the forest floor, lashing out with his good hand in hard punches.

“Now, I’ll rip those stitches out of your eyelids, clever way of Katie to make you think you were blind, and I will enjoy every drop of blood that rolls free. Through that blood, you will watch, helpless, as I gut that bastard behind me!” Rolston continued to punch Jensen’s face and head, scowling when most of his blows were deflected by the former FBI man’s raised arms. “You should have died in the fire that killed your parents! You should have died any number of the times I tried to get rid of you! Why won’t you die?” he screamed, enraged to the point where he’d lost focus enough that he missed the sudden shot that whizzed by his head.

“I don’t know! Kill me yourself this time instead of leaving the job up to your lackies!” Jensen shouted back, temper surfacing more for the threat to Jared than any to him; he’d already accepted his death at this man’s hands years ago. 

He struggled to keep his arms raised to protect his already injured head and face from the rapid blows, and tried to use what strength he still had to throw Rolston’s weight off of him. Slowly, pain became too much and he slumped back as if defeated. “Kill me, Rolston, but leave Jared alone. He’s got nothing to do with you or us. He knows nothing so isn’t a threat to you.”

“He’s _ yours _ , Ackles! That’s all I need to know about Padalecki. He’s yours so that automatically means he’s useful as a tool.” Rolston suddenly stopped punching so he could grab Jensen by the throat, fingers digging into the soft flesh and sneering at the instinctive attempt to fight, despite Jensen being too weak to free the tightening grip. “I might just kill both of you here so I’m done with the tedious process. I’ll kill you both and let the animals take care of the evidence since there’s no one else coming to save you. All your little friends in the agency either work for me or are dead, so… what?” He jerked his head up as another long range bullet whizzed by on his other side. “What is this? Huh? You find this funny?” he demanded upon feeling Jensen suddenly go limp, letting his hands drop as if no longer fighting. The ex-Agent’s lips curved into a slow smirk and he softly chuckled. “You think it’s funny that I plan to gut you and your boyfriend? Or that even if that jackass sniper actually learns to shoot I’ll still kill you… no…”

Jensen couldn’t see what was happening, but he had a hunch when he felt Rolston suddenly drop him and heard the dirt and leaves around him moving as the man scrambled to his feet. 

“No,” Jensen answered quickly, raising his voice a little louder. Somehow, he knew whatever had Rolston distracted was a good thing, and wanted to try to keep the man’s attention. “It would never be amusing to me that Jared’s in danger or hurt. But it is kinda funny to me that you, a supposedly big time former FBI man who could have had it all, and who brags so much about knowing everything about me, about Jared, about the people in our lives… never figured out that that sniper who you think is missing was actually giving you a chance to surrender or run.” He let his head drop back to the ground with a tired smile that then turned cold as Jensen’s voice dropped to the hard, steel one that was pure Fed. “Mr. Hartley only gives two warning shots, as Jared told me once. His third one? Kill shot, you bastard.”

“No! No! It won’t end like this! It won’t end like…” Rolston’s voice cut off with a sickening thud followed by the sound of a body hitting the ground.

“Yeah, it will,” Jensen murmured, taking a second to allow the truth to sink in. “And at least now I’m free of you.” Then he was suddenly struggling to move, to get to his feet in order to find Jared. He had to bite back a scream of pain as his knee buckled and he hit the ground at the same time as he heard a soft moan and the distinctive sound of other voices coming closer. 

“Jared? Jared! Jared, answer me! Jay!” he shouted, panic setting in when he only heard another low moan. He couldn’t tell how far away Jared was, or even if he could get to him, when a sudden step near him had his fist moving only to be grabbed just as a hard deep voice snapped his name.

“Jensen! Hey, settle it! It’s Chris!” Christian Kane silently vowed he was retiring after this mess since he must be losing his edge when even a blind man almost landed a damn punch on him if he hadn’t known how Jensen usually reacted and had seen the fist move. “Oh shit! How much worse are you hurt?” he demanded, scowling when he was given a weak shove.

“Check on Jared. He was shot in the cabin and… he’s hurt worse than I am, Chris!” Jensen snapped, trying to shove the stockier agent away from him while also still struggling to make his weakening body find a way to where he knew Jared had to be. “Rolston? Is he dead? Is he--”

“7.56 hollow point right through the center of his head so... he’s dead,” Kane replied with a grim nod to the body he planned to put another shot in, just to be certain. “Of course, Murray’s on his way to rip Hartley a new asshole since it seems he hates it when Justin does that two warning shot thing. Though to be honest, this time, so did I,” he muttered, kneeling down beside his friend. “Jensen, stay still. There’s a chopper coming to medevac both you and Padalecki out of here, but until it gets here just stay still.”

Jerking at the hand on his arm, Jensen shook his head while once again longing to be able to open his damn eyes and  _ see _ . “No! I need to feel Jared, Chris!” he snapped, hearing another voice he didn’t recognize close by, too close for his comfort. He started to reach up to where he almost could tell Kane’s pistol would be shoved in the back of his jeans. “Who’s that and what the hell is he talking about Jared’s pulse like that?”

“That’s a doctor and  _ whoa _ ! Jensen, let go of my gun!” Kane had been trying to split his attention three ways when he felt shaking fingers suddenly going for his gun, he had to be quick to pull it himself before Jensen did, since he figured who his former teammate would be aiming it at. “Collins! Sitrep on Padalecki’s condition ASAP, and just as a word of caution, his currently blind as a bat former, maybe still current, fiancé really wants my gun to shoot you...  so word that reply carefully,” he advised the dark haired man that was currently leaning over a bloody and unconscious Jared Padalecki.

“Agent Kane, if you want my medical opinion on this man’s rather serious condition and numerous injuries, then translate that into something I can understand since my ability to understand Spook-speak is probably as bad as yours will be when I start tossing huge medical words at you!” Misha Collins shot back while working quickly to stabilize his current patient. He tossed a quick look over his shoulder, frowning and wondering if he also didn’t have to stabilize the pale, battered looking man currently scowling between him and Kane.

“Chris, I… I need to be by Jared. I need to touch him.” Jensen gritted his teeth as the pain in his knee was now spreading up through his body. “I need to feel him, to know he’s alive.”

Frowning at this, given how grim the local doctor was looking, he understood it best to keep Jensen calm by giving in to his demands. Kane finally stood, reaching back to grip Jensen’s hand with the plan to help him to stand, only too quickly realizing his mistake when Jensen screamed, his right leg buckling. 

“What the hell?” the FBI agent grabbed onto Jensen, feeling his body go rigid, but his focus was on the badly swollen right leg; even the loose material of his sweatpants looked tight around the knee. “How long has this been like this? I’m starting to think that every medic that saw you before now was not ones I sent?” he demanded tightly.

“Been about a month, I guess, and while you’re snarling, Jared and I discovered that my eyelids have been stitched at the corners which is why I can’t open my eyes. Rolston said Katie made that decision.” He heard the low gruff voice of his longtime friend drop even lower as he let loose with a string of obscenities. “Can the doc there rip the stitches out so maybe I can find out if I am blind or if that was some other trick she played to screw with my mind and keep me helpless?”

Misha Collins had been a doctor in the local, small Tennessee town of Blakely Springs for the last ten years, and before that all he’d say was he’d been a doctor in some rather unique places. When Chris Kane knocked on his door a few weeks earlier he hadn’t batted an eyelash.

Now as he bent to try to staunch the flow of blood pouring from Jared Padalecki’s upper chest and shoulder, he nearly threw his back out of place when he whirled with only his upper body at the claims of ‘eyelids being stitched shut’.

“Ex- _ cuse _ me?” he exclaimed, grabbing Kane’s hand as soon as the man got Jensen closer so he could press it against the gunshot wound. “Here! Keep your hand over this while I look at… oh my God! This… you… yep, those are indeed stitches and they are also, indeed, infected. Kane! Give me names so I can maybe find out who did this travesty and show them my own brand of medical justice!” 

Misha was furious but was careful to keep his touch gentle since he’d already been told some of Jensen’s past and now deduced the man’s trust in any doctor would be even thinner. “How long has it been since you’ve seen?” he asked, using Jensen’s obvious distraction to take a closer look at the injuries he could see.

“I… I woke up in the hospital blind, so that was probably almost nine months... but more like almost a year since I’m not sure when I actually lost my sight while being Rolston’s… guest.” Jensen tensed briefly at that memory, then forced his focus down as soon as his hands found and touched Jared. He frowned as he realized how shallow his breathing seemed. “He’s… he’s not breathing right. Why?” he demanded tightly. “How bad is he hurt?”

Misha caught the slight head shake from Kane which told him to watch his answer. “He’s lost a lot of blood and it’s apparent he took as much a beating as you have, but I’ll know more once I get you both back to a proper hospital.”

Sliding his fingers down until he found and grasped onto Jared’s, Jensen frowned at that comment. “I’m guessing there’s no way to actually avoid that scenario?” he aimed this question to where he seemed to sense Kane was kneeling. “Never liked those places and now…”

“I’m sending Chad, Mike, and Justin with you and Jared, Jensen. You guys will be perfectly safe.” Kane heard the underlying concern in his friend’s voice and understood it, especially now that he realized how badly he’d mishandled his friend’s care and safety while Jensen had depended on it. “Jensen, I’m… I know apologies will never be enough for how much I’ve screwed up with you, especially since I’m the one who thought you were safe all those months Cassidy was with you, but…”

“Truthfully, I believed you were the bigger threat to me than she was. I couldn’t make my brain work enough to remember you as more than a huge pain in my ass, Chris,” Jensen replied, hearing voices coming closer. He managed not to tense since he recognized them enough to know they weren’t a threat to Jared. “Now, once I know Jared’s out of danger and the doc rips these stitches out so I can hopefully see, then there might be a moment when I throw a punch or shoot you… it depends on my mood. Hey, Hartley? The next time some bastard has a gun or is a threat to Jared, can you just shoot him in the face?” he asked suddenly which was a signal that this conversation was over for the moment.

Still glaring at his teammate, Chad Michael Murray threw his hands up in the air as if glad someone else seemed to agree with him. “Finally!  _ Finally  _ someone else sees my point that you should’ve taken the first goddamn shot and put Rolston down, dude!” he exclaimed, slapping Justin Hartley upside his head before taking in the scene in front of him, debating on who he was going to be yelling out soon. “Kane! Chopper’s landing at the lake since it’s the best spot and the medics are bringing two stretchers.”

“Yeah, two stretchers since there is no way in hell Jensen’s walking on that leg and he’s bleeding from the head.” Kane paused for the interruption he expected, but when Jensen remained silent except for whatever he seemed to be softly whispering to the unconscious Jared, his concern hiked up several notches. He looked up to see the way Chad’s eyebrows had raised as if expecting the same thing. “Okay, so this isn’t good,” he muttered, stepping closer to Chad to murmur some instructions and seeing the lanky blond Marshal grin.

“Dude, no one is getting close to either of them without me either shooting them or maybe seeing if Mikey there really  _ does  _ have a license for the rocket launcher he has in the back of the car.” Chad saw an agreeing nod from the FBI man as he started to head for the lake to lead the medics to the area. He paused to glance back at Kane. “Oh, and no one’s favorite little British spy texted to say call him when you get a chance. He says he has news you might want.”

Nodding that he would, Kane stepped back beside Jensen. He knew that even now, even hurt, weak, blind, and slipping into shock, the moment someone went to touch Jared or to take him away from Jensen, the odds were good that the former FBI agent would react with violence.

“Mike’s going to ride in the chopper with you guys and Misha, while Chad and Justin follow in one of the cars after grabbing whatever is still in the cabin. I’ll be along as soon as we finish up securing this site, and I’ll make sure any serious evidence isn’t left for the local Sheriff’s office to find or question the Bureau over,” Kane spoke to Jensen quietly, hand firm when it landed on a tensing shoulder. “Jensen, they have to move Jared to a stretcher. You need to be put on one, too, but I’ll make sure they know you can’t be strapped down,” he added quietly. He saw he still had his friend’s attention when Jensen merely nodded, but kept his hand on Jared as much as he could until they lifted him away.

“Misha, make sure the staff understands that Jensen is allowed to stay with Jared and vice versa, as soon as they’re both treated and settled in a private room,” Kane addressed this to the grim faced doctor, waving off the standard warning of rules and regulations. “Trust me. It’s easier and less painful to just let them be together. Jensen will go for someone’s throat if he feels the kid might be in danger or that he’s being kept away from him and vice versa the moment Padalecki wakes up enough to know where he is.”

“Yeah, you should know how keeping them apart if one of them’s hurt usually turns out, boss,” Mike called back once he was far enough away that Kane couldn’t slap him as he followed the carefully moving stretchers back to the waiting helicopter while Misha Collins dictated orders to the paramedics.

Kane stood back to grimly watch the two injured men be taken away for treatment before looking down at the corpse of Mark Rolston, pulling his sidearm and emptying the full clip into the corpse before meeting the wide eyes of a black suited man that was not one of his team. “Deliver it to Sheppard with my message that he better keep up his end of our deal and that I’ll call him as soon as my friends are out of danger,” he said gruffly and walked away with the hopes that this nightmare could finally be put behind them. 

**TBC**

 


	6. Chapter 6

# Chapter Six

**Nashville Mercy General Hospital, Nashville Tennessee, ninety-seven hours later:**

The sharp smell of antiseptic immediately told former United States Federal Marshal Jared Padalecki he was in a hospital. The return of his senses was closely followed by a low burning pain that started in his right shoulder before moving all over the rest of his body. A soft dripping, clicking sound that he recognized as a morphine drip, was the reason he assumed his pain level was in the low burning category instead of the excruciating, to the point of screaming, level that a small piece of Jared figured he should be in if his hazy memories were to be believed.

He recalled the attack on the cabin, and then being shot. But his main concern had been for Jensen, especially when Rolston himself had made an appearance.

Jared’s memories after he’d been hit with the taser were sporadic, but he thought he recalled Jensen with his backup Beretta. There was a gunshot, then many, but it all became clouded and hazy past remembering taking too many kicks to his head. He breathed out, willing the rest of his mind to clear. He was in the hospital, which mean Jensen -- his immediate concern for Jensen flooded to the forefront of his mind. What the hell had happened after he must have passed out from shock and blood loss? He tensed and reached for the wires attached to his arm, prying his eyes open for only a moment before groaning and squeezing them shut as the white lights blinded him. Pain shot through his head, like a white hot poker between his temples. The feeling of a hand that didn’t belong to Jensen slapped down Jared’s trying to dislodge whatever wires or tubes were in his right arm. He growled low and irritated, breath pushing past his dry, cracked lips. 

“Hey! I spent nineteen fun filled hours patching you up, stitching you up, pouring blood back in you while treating every single cut, bruise, broken ribs, and almost a damn dislocated eyeball. So, I would thank you very much _ NOT _ to pull that stuff out, young man!” a sharp male voice snapped from somewhere too close to him, though his hands were gentle as he smoothed down the tape and wires. He recognized another voice in his room and it let Jared know the hospital he was in might be friendly… or at least safe.

“Oh shit. Hey! The doc’s yelling at Jared in case anyone else might want to hear this!”

“Seriously? Hartley! Are you trying to get that quack’s throat ripped out by yelling that out?

“Or his face punched again.”

“I thought only Kane got punched in the face?”

“Yeah, he did! But so did the doc when he made the mistake of saying something about the risk of Jared bleeding out on the operating table if he couldn’t locate whatever was bleeding inside of him.”

“Please! As soon as Jaybird wakes up enough to hear or understand anything about that mess that was Jensen’s knee or the word amputate comes up, this guy is… uh-oh. I don’t think that heart monitor thing should have spiked like that, right, Doc?”

“Is there anyone on this floor that actually controls you three nincompoops?” the strange voice demanded in a purely exasperated tone and one that groaned as the next voice that spoke.

“Yeah, but he’s on the phone to the boys in DC, so it might be awhile before Kane gets his ass in here. That means you get to deal with me. What’s up, Doc?”

Doctor Misha Collins groaned again at both the bad pun and the harder, deeper tone of voice that he’d learned quickly meant Jensen Ackles was close to slipping into protect mode. He’d come across that mode already once before since treating both men for various injuries.

He was considering the best way to handle this situation that wouldn’t have him against the wall again with an angry Jensen in his face, trying to keep Jensen’s barely returned to consciousness other half from ripping out his IVs and dislodging his monitors. He suddenly felt the change in Jared’s whole body as soon as he registered Jensen’s voice.

“Is he going to leave this stuff alone if I move my hand?” he asked, giving a quick look to be sure nothing had been disrupted. He sighed at the hand that gripped his with slightly more strength than he expected the other man to have. “Agent Ackles…”

“I’m not FBI anymore, Doc, so it’s Mr. Ackles or Jensen. But if you don’t move your hand away from Jared’s in the next 3.5 seconds and step back until he wakes up enough to understand he’s safe, I’m safe, and that you’re not a threat to either of us... then we might be seeing about finding another doctor in this place to patch  _ you _ up.” 

Jensen’s lips had curved into the slow, hard smirk he’d been known and he stepped closer to the bed, sitting down in the chair that had been quickly shoved his way so the heavily bandaged right knee didn’t go out from under him and set the doctor off on another tantrum. “Hey, babe, you coming back to me now?” he asked in a much different tone of voice as he dropped the side rail of the bed, reaching to grip the weakly clenching hand. Jensen was glad to see Jared’s fist starting to relax, something that hadn’t happened often in the few times Jensen had been allowed into the room.

Misha opened his mouth to reply, to caution Jensen about walking on his leg without the support of either the cane or the walker he’d been supplied with, when a low cough from the door made him blow out a breath of utter frustration.

“I’m going to go check the lab results of Jensen’s last set of blood tests. Just... make sure Jared doesn’t pull on anything, and keep Jensen off that leg!” Misha shot towards Christian Kane as the FBI agent stepped into the room.

A quick look around the room, as well as hearing Jensen’s tone when he spoke to the doctor, told Kane what must’ve happened.  Jensen’s attention was drawn to the bed and Kane followed his gaze. It appeared that Jared was finally starting to wake up after days of concern that he might not.

Kane had known both men had been hurt seriously and had expected grim news by the time he’d finished up at the cabin, dealt with the local agencies, and had gotten to the hospital in Nashville. He hadn’t been expecting to step off the elevator on the ICU floor just in time to stop an angry and terrified Jensen from going for the backpedaling doctor’s throat.

“Jensen! Settle before I knock you on your ass!” Kane had snapped, stepping between doctor and friend while pointing to where Justin Hartley was leaning against a nearby wall. “Hartley! Report!”

“The docs have had Jared on the operating table since we got here. They’ve tried multiple approaches to locate the bleed, but he’s losing too much blood.  He went into cardiac arrest, and they got him back, but Doctor Collins here decided to be bluntly honest with Jensen. He told him that if they have had Jared under for a very long time, and if they couldn’t locate the bleeder and stop Jared from losing everything they were putting back into him, the risk of his heart giving out and  _ not _ being able to get him back were pretty high. And then he asked if he had any family that should be called.” Justin slid a narrowed eyed look toward the wide eyed physician before glancing to where Kane had finally gotten Jensen to sit down. “It went bad from there, Kane.”

Squeezing the bridge of his nose against the building pain of a headache that had been building for weeks, Kane muttered under his breath before dropping to his knees beside his former teammate.  For his part, Jensen was still throwing curses and threats the doctor’s way until they were then turned on Kane when he made the mistake of touching Jensen’s arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he snapped, feeling his fist connect with flesh. He hadn’t realized who he’d connected with until he heard Chad ask if Kane wanted a rag for his bleeding nose. “Sorry,” he muttered, still hearing the words  _ bleed out _ and  _ cardiac arrest _ . “I… I can’t lose him, Chris. Not like this. Not over something that’s my fault.”

“This isn’t your fault any more than Jared’s belief that he had failed you was true!” Kane began to say once he’d managed to stop his nose from bleeding. “Let the surgeons do what they do best, let them help Jared. Let Collins check you out, including this knee, and maybe see about your eyes?” he suggested, ignoring the looks shot his way from both the doctor and the other men in the hall. Jensen only smirked at the suggestion. “Jared’s going to be fine, Jensen. The kid’s a fighter! But he’ll need to know you’re okay when he wakes up, so stop trying to hurt your doctor and let him check you out.”

Jensen reluctantly agreed to the suggestion, but only if Kane stayed in the room which. The request was nothing new and not anything the FBI man hadn’t expected, since he knew Jensen’s dislike of hospitals from before would be magnified now.

Of course, Kane’s building headache had gotten worse when an x-ray technician had been the one to flat out tell a scowling Misha that given the amount of swelling, damage, and infection now in Jensen’s right kneecap, he’d be better off just amputating above the knee. This time, it was Kane’s gun that had gone in the gaping tech’s face as Misha worked between calming Jensen back down and demanding the tech’s superior be placed in front of him immediately.

“Alright, I might be straight forward and I might have been too blunt earlier in regards to Jared’s condition, but I try to be honest. That’s me! I do not want, nor do I need, one of your tech’s mouthing off and making medical assumptions and diagnoses to my patients that they have no business making!” Misha shouted in the woman’s face while waving an x-ray film around, Mike behind him casually mentioning he had a spare rocket handy. 

“Jensen! Yes, there is a lot of fluid and infection around the kneecap, but before I would do anything that drastic, much less risk the tempers of those guys in the hall, we’re going to treat the infection with a powerful antibiotic and try draining the fluid. I believe this knee can heal and be completely functional, but it’s going to be slow and it’s going to be weak, so you might be off of it for a while.”

“Translated, that means when Jared’s recovering, you two can be sharing a bed and sucking face,” Michael Rosenbaum put in helpfully from the doorway before leaning out to slap out a now choking Chad who had started shouting about images he couldn’t unsee. “Seriously? Chad, have you not seen the two of them after they got serious?” he grinned as Jensen flipped him off, focusing his attention as Misha started to examine the man’s eyelids. “Where the hell were you the day Kane cautioned Jensen about sucking Jared’s tonsils out?”

“Hey! I have very tiny but very sharp scissors close to Jensen’s eyes!” Misha called out after having cleaned and inspected the eyelids. “You two take this someplace else before he moves and I stab him in the eyeball!”

The silent terror that moment had given him would be something Kane would remember for a long while to come. He knew Jensen had been the most nervous about his eyes, about still being blind even once it was made possible for him to open his eyelids.

“Do you want to wait for Jared to be with you for this?” he’d asked his nervous friend since the other had left leaving just them and Misha in a room. Kane could tell this was the most openly nervous Jensen had ever allowed himself to be unless it was just him and Jared.

Swallowing the lump in his throat and wiping his damp palms on the thin hospital pants, Jensen shook his head. “No. If… if it turns out there still is damage or something else, like she did more damage and I’m still blind, I’d rather find out and have the melt down before Jared has to handle it. I have to be there for him when he wakes up, so I need to know this now.” He nodded his head once, motioning to Misha that he was ready. “Do it, Doc.”

Now, as Kane stepped aside to let Misha pass, he watched as Jensen reached for the hand that Jared had been struggling to move to pull at the tubing he still needed. Silently, Kane prayed this would all work out. He knew Jensen was worried how Jared would be upon waking up finally and learning the results of some of Jensen’s injuries as well as some of the more long term effects.

“J… Jensen?” Jared felt like a semi-truck loaded with heavy equipment had run him over. His head ached, his shoulder was immobilized, and his chest burned every time he tried to take even a normal breath. He felt warm fingers gripping the hand that he’d moved towards the tape and tubes stuck on his arm, but then he felt warm lips pressing against his hand. He forced his fingers closed around the hand, fighting to clear his head so he could open his eyes to both see where they were, so he could see Jensen.

Licking his lips, Jared grimaced, finding his tongue was as dry as the Sahara. He tried to swallow, but felt the light touch of a straw on his bottom lip.

“Sip this slowly,” Jensen advised after being handed the glass of ice water so Jared could drink. “You’ve been unconscious nearly ninety-six hours, and you’re on some heavy pain meds. It’s probably going to be awhile before you can talk well or feel awake fully, but you’re safe… we’re safe and…” He paused, a sudden rush of emotion coming over him as he used his free hand to reach up and card back through Jared’s dark hair and thought about how close he’d been to losing him again.

“Where… where we at and is… is he dead?” Jared managed to ask, lips feeling weird to him and his voice sounding tinny. He guessed he’d been given the really good stuff for pain.

“A hospital in Nashville. And yeah, Rolston’s dead.” Jensen decided not to mention that he’d made Kane show him both a photo and a death certificate to prove it. “Still not sure about the others in his circle, but…”

“Morgan was found dead in his car in his locked garage of an apparent suicide while the charter plane that Ms. Cassidy had hired to fly her to some island in the Caribbean seemed to have some engine trouble… it went down with no survivors, Sheppard reported when I spoke with him day before yesterday,” Kane spoke up from near the window. “The AG is kinda pissed about all this happening, and more than a few other heads rolled in both the Marshals and the Bureau, but it’s being handled. Anything leftover that might’ve been a threat to you guys or your lives going forward will be dealt with before Jared’s out of this place.”

Jared wasn’t sure how that was, given the depth of the deception involved, but figured he’d leave that up to Kane to handle. He was more interested in Jensen’s injuries and any others he’d suffered after he lost consciousness. 

“How’re you?” he asked, trying to move his free hand to rub his eyes and get any dried crud out of them. “Did he hurt you? Did Kane find someone to check you over or look at your eyes? What about… mmhm… God, I forgot what it felt like to have you shut me up that way,” he murmured after Jensen eased back, breaking the light kiss he’d given in order to halt the rush of words that had often happened if Jared was nervous, hurt, or scared.

“Chris? Take Chad and the others out and lose yourselves for a bit. Leave me alone with Jared.” Jensen smoothed his fingers over a deep bruise on Jared’s face before letting them move over closed eyes, helping to help wipe Jared’s lashes free of dried sleep. He smiled wider at the feeling of lips touching his hand, watching as Jared turned his face towards his palm. “This should be between us and I don’t want Chad scarred for life any more than he says he already is,” he added with a chuckle, adoring the way Jared’s brow furrowed as he tried to figure that out. “I guess Chad’s never seen us kiss, so Mike had to give him a blow by blow…”

“I’m out!” Chad said and was out the door even before Jensen could finish his explanation. “Kane, I’ll be by the Nurses’ station if anyone wants me.”

Mike smirked while following Justin out at Kane’s nod that it was okay to leave the room for the moment. “I suppose I could make up something else that involves you guys and actual sex to really bother him,” he shrugged.

“Well now that was an image I could do without,” Kane muttered, pushing off the wall to watch Jensen closely. “Okay?” he asked simply since he knew his former team leader would get it.

“Yeah. I’ll be good and stay seated or stretch it out if I need to but… I… I need this to be just me and Jared, Chris. I’ll hit the panic button if he needs the doc or anything,” Jensen reassured his friend. Hearing the door close with a click, he allowed his attention to turn back to Jared. “Hey,” he murmured, voice thickening with emotion now that they were alone.

“Hey back,” Jared returned quietly, deciding to risk his head exploding or puking in favor of opening his eyes. But when he went to, he frowned at the feel of Jensen’s hand covering them lightly. “Jensen?”

Hearing the wary confusion in Jared’s voice told Jensen the younger man was worried as well as confused by his action. “Before you open your eyes, I need to tell you how proud I am of you for what you did for me back there.” He held Jared’s hand as tightly as he still could and seeing the start of a smile forming. “I’m also going to be honest before that quack Chris found can be and tell you that you are hurt, Jay.

“That bullet wound wasn’t a straight through shot. It lodged in your collarbone and caused some splintering, so that arm is going to be immobile for a few months.” he smoothed his fingertips along Jared’s good arm as a way to distract the suddenly tensing former Marshal. “Misha said there doesn’t look to be any lasting nerve damage from the taser to your back, but it was set at a much higher setting. That on top of the one that nailed you back in California, he said there might be some muscle weakness in your lower back that could affect your legs for a bit. He’s confident with some therapy you should be able to get full range of motion back.”

Jared lay still to take in the list of injuries he had while feeling his hand turned until their palms touched. “Okay. So I’m taking that to mean no running marathons or taking up log throwing as a hobby,” he finally said once Jensen took a break to catch his breath. “Are you going to tell me what you don’t want to about you, Jensen?” he asked tightly, concern ratcheting up the longer Jensen kept the topic off of his wounds, old and new. “Move your hand so I can see you, Jen?” he asked in a softer voice. “I… the last thing I thought about before I lost consciousness after he kicked me in the head was that seeing you fall after you shot at him might be the last time I saw you. I… I need to see you, Jensen. Can…”

“Open your eyes for me, Jared,” Jensen moved his hand slowly after he reached up to shut the light above the bed off in case the concussion Jared had made him light sensitive. “Open your eyes, look at me and let me see your eyes,” he added in a slightly huskier voice, fingers shaking as the touched Jared’s face, watching his eyes open slowly.

“Jensen? What about your eyes? How are… oh my God.” Jared’s question that he’d been trying to ask broke off on a soft gasp as soon as he opened his eyes, blinking them a few times to help clear the blurriness. He realized with his heart jumping wildly that he was staring into deep green eyes. “You… they… you can see me?”

“I’ve missed seeing your eyes, Jared. I’ve missed seeing you.” Jensen smiled slowly as he watched Jared’s face intently, picking up every nuance of emotion that had always been so plain on the younger man’s face, especially when it was just them alone and Jared was happy. “Did I ever tell you the best thing I found that I loved, other than the obvious, after we crossed that line from friends to lovers and once we moved in together? It was watching you wake up every morning because I loved to see the way your eyes would shift colors when you’d first wake up.” 

He watched those eyes to see the golds and blues shining back at him. “I love you, Jared. God, I love you so damn much and I was so scared I wouldn’t ever be able to see your face again as I touched you. As I kissed you.”

Struggling to cover his own emotions, Jared watched Jensen closely, but lost his inner battle at those last words. He moved at the same time as Jensen did, their lips meeting in a kiss that took Jared back to the first time Jensen kissed him.

The moment their lips touched, the second he felt Jared’s good hand lift to touch his face, the suddenly desire to taste, to touch, to reclaim what had been lost to him for well over eighteen long months fled. Jensen slowed the kiss down so instead of all heat and haste he could savor the feel of soft lips that opened under his on a sigh.

Jensen’s fingers curved around the back of Jared’s neck, thumb gentle as it stroked lightly and loving the little sounds he still knew Jared didn’t know he made when they kissed. Letting the tip of his tongue slip out, he began to slowly, carefully give little licks over Jared’s lips in between kisses that were slowly starting to heat. Jensen pressed in closer, cautious of his own wounds as well as making sure Jared didn’t move his right arm.

Tilting his head just a little allowed Jensen to adjust the depth of the kiss. When with a slight moan of need signaled Jared’s permission, he let his tongue slip inside his lover’s mouth,  refamiliarize himself with Jared… Or as much as he could right then; what else Jensen knew they both wanted, they needed more privacy than a hospital and a much bigger and better bed.

So intent of keeping control of the kiss, of not allowing it to heat too much too soon, Jensen watched Jared’s face. He loved how Jared’s features still softened during their kisses, making him look younger than he was, and certainly not like someone who had faced the things they both had in their lives, especially recently. Jared was responsive to every touch of Jensen’s tongue, every brush of his lips and teeth. 

Running his tongue over Jared’s almost teasingly, Jensen offered a encouraging nod and finally felt Jared’s tongue meet his shyly before easing into Jensen’s mouth. As soon as Jared took an ounce of control, he released a groan of need, his fingers wrapping themselves in Jensen’s t-shirt to give a restless tug. The movement jarred Jensen’s focus back to where they were.

“Shhh,” he whispered against Jared’s lips, teeth giving a gentle teasing pull that had Jared groaning again. It left Jensen wanting more, but he knew as he felt his body conveniently choosing to remind him that it had been a long time since he’d had any type of physical contact of his choosing. Jensen eased back, just far enough that he could see the way Jared’s eyes had changed to more deep golds and greens as his desire for more increased. 

“Soon, Jay. Soon we’ll be alone in a place where I know no one is going to walk in on us and we can do more,” he promised. “Lay back now, rest so you can heal and I’ll be with you.”

Resting wasn’t something Jared enjoyed, but as he watched Jensen move so his back was against the headboard of the hospital bed on Jared’s good side, he smiled and allowed himself to ease closer to his former fiancé. Jensen hummed in content before stretching out his leg with a grimace.

“What did the doctor’s say about your eyes and leg?” Jared asked again, moving until he could rest his head more against Jensen’s chest, their fingers meshing as something began to gnaw at Jared. He just wasn’t sure how to broach the topic.

“Misha, that’s our doctor, and the eye specialist he called in, said due to the initial damage with the candles, my eyes suffered temporary blindness. It had not healed by the time I came out of the coma. I had started seeing shadows, which the specialist says was my vision starting to come back, but then Katie interfered. Because of all the trauma,  my vision will be weak and I will probably need glasses or contacts within a year to correct the vision loss,” Jensen began after a moment of thought, flexing his fingers to smile as Jared returned the gesture. “They said my eyes will also be light sensitive due to the time my lids were stitched closed, so when I go outside or under certain types of indoor lights that I’ll have to wear protective lenses. I’m just glad that I can see.”

Lifting his head to watch Jensen’s face and noticing how tired the former FBI man appeared, made Jared wonder if Jensen had been sleeping at all while waiting for him to wake up. “Do the scars hurt?” he asked while noticing the scars near Jensen’s face looked to be getting lighter, fading now that he wasn’t wearing the bandage all the time.

“No, not anymore.” Jensen instinctively touched them, but dropped his hand with a stern but silent reminder to himself to not dwell on the memories that could still cause him to wake up in a cold sweat. “Misha drained some of the liquid that had formed around my knee, and I’m on antibiotics. He says with time, propping it up and resting it, as well as some therapy, that it should heal. I’ll probably never be able to run like I did or climb or stuff, but again, at least I didn’t lose it.

“There are a lot of scars he says, since a lot of the burns and cuts were inflicted with that purpose. Like the ones on your chest and back were.” Jensen slid his fingers down to curve under Jared’s jaw so he could lift his face back up when it went to look away. “I’m sorry you were hurt by them, Jared,” he said. “There’s so much I wish I could change but… I know I can’t. I know we can’t get back the time we lost or even the few memories that even Misha said I might not get back but…”

“I love you, Jensen. I love you and we can make new memories now that we have a chance,” Jared replied, biting his lip while watching as Jensen’s fingertip lightly touched his ring finger. “Jensen?”

“The chain with our engagement rings is in my pocket.” Jensen could almost tell what Jared was thinking because it was something that was on his mind ever since Kane had given him the velvet ring box back. He smiled as he remembered proposing to Jared and the emotions he’d felt that day.

“Jay, I know a lot has happened with us since I asked you. I know a lot of time has passed, and maybe this is a little too soon to ask, but…”

“Yes, I still want to marry you, Jensen,” Jared replied, looking up and giving a full if weak smile. He watched Jensen’s face lit up, all of his teeth showing in a grin Jared loved to see on the rugged face, since it was the one that Jensen only gave when he felt safe enough for his emotional walls to come down. “Hell, I’m sure if I badgered him, enough Kane could find a minister here who could marry us if you wanted or…”

Quick sounded good after their time apart, but Jensen slowly shook his head. He pulled the chain out so he could unhook it to remove the rings. “I wanted more for you when I first asked you, and I still want to be able to give you as much as I can. So… give us both time to heal, to plan, and then we’ll get married,” he said as he slipped the ring back onto Jared’s finger; it seemed a lot looser and knew he’d frowned more when he felt a light touch to his face before his hand was folded back into Jared’s.

“You were starved, Jensen. You lost a lot of weight in the months you were held by him. Rings can be resized, so don’t worry. It’ll be okay,” Jared reassured him before losing the battle to yawn. He looked up to meet Jensen’s gaze for a long, silent moment before Jensen released a small sigh, usually a sign he was pretending to humor Jared, paired with a warm smile. Jared waited for Jensen to ease down more so he was lying beside him; the bed wasn’t made to fit two grown men, but as his head settled over Jensen’s heart and he felt his hand gripped, Jared’s eyes closed and he heard the soft murmur before sleep came for them both.

“I will always love you, Jared.”

 

**Nine months later, Smokey Mountains, Tennessee:**   
  


“Do you regret it?”

“Regret what? Still not having Wi-fi or cable in this cabin? That, I do regret and will rectify before it snows the first time. But if you mean that other matter then no, I don’t regret turning Kane down.”

\---

“So you decided to take Sheppard’s offer?” Jensen asked while deciding if he shouldn’t have insisted on this being a non-tie affair given he was ready to throw his into a fire.

“I’m… considering it strongly,” Christian Kane replied, nudging Jensen’s hands away to handle the tie problem himself. “Chad and Hartley have already accepted it, and Mike’s probably going to since it seems he’s determined to follow Murray around now. The odds are very high that I will,” he went on as he stepped back, considering the now straight and perfectly tied black tie. Satisfied, he nodded and glanced over. “I’ve heard he might’ve talked to you and Jared about it also.”

Reaching for the black jacket that went with the tie, Jensen paused, considering his reply. He nodded while slipping into the well-tailored jacket that fit his still leaner than he liked frame perfectly. “Yeah, he came to the hospital a couple days before Jared got released while you were downtown bailing Mike and Chad out for whatever they did to get arrested. He gave his spiel. It... was an intriguing offer and one Jared and I talked about, but…”

“He said he offered you the chance to hand pick your own team and there’d be very little red tape to handle since that’s on his end of this.” Kane knew the offer that had been made because he’d been asked what could be offered to sweeten the deal to convince Jensen to agree.

“No red tape, my own team that I pick, and the chance to pick cases to help people who need it or have been hurt by the creeps like Rolston. Everything I’d want and that I couldn’t always do while at the Bureau,” Jensen remarked as he watched his longtime friend before glancing at the engagement ring on his hand. His eyes moved to the table by the door where the ring box sat. “I woke up screaming for Jared last night, Chris. It was the fifth time, since talking to Sheppard, that I woke up screaming for him because I saw Rolston shoot him. Then it spiraled out of control to every damn op where one of us almost didn’t come home.”

Picking up the ring box, Jensen stared at the set of matching wedding bands. “The therapist that Misha recommended said PSTD, given what I’ve been through and given that I’m still working on getting back all my memories, is normal. With time and work, I might even be able to work again. But the nightmares will probably be pretty common.” He closed the box with a snap and held it out to his friend who would be holding onto them. “My issues aren’t the reason I turned Sheppard down, and aren’t why I’m going to turn you down. I’m turning the offer down because I refuse to wake up to find Jared sitting outside on the cabin porch, shaking like a leaf and softly begging me not to die. I can’t put him through something like this again, Chris.

“Jared’s talking about getting his private investigation license next year after we’ve had time to be together, to rebuild what we lost in the time I was away from him. If he does that, given his ability to attract trouble, I’m not saying we won’t cross paths with you or the others but… right this second? You can tell Mark that I’m once again passing on his offer.” Jensen’s lips curved up into a slight smile as Kane smirked. “What time is it by the way?” he asked even though he had a watch on himself.

“Time for you to go get yourself married, Mr. Ackles,” Kane replied with a warm smile, extending his hand to his friend. “And before I forget or I get distracted later on… Congratulations, Jensen. I know I gave both of you plenty of grief in the beginning, especially Jared, but I am glad he makes you happy. I wish you both the best of luck in whatever you guys choose to do after today.”

Jensen smiled fully, honestly, while shaking the extended hand. Then he turned to reach for the doorknob just as it opened to show the young man that had been responsible for so much change in Jensen’s life. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey back,” Jared Padalecki returned with a slightly nervous smile as he stepped into the room dressed in his own black suit with tie. “Chad wants to know if we’re doing this thing before he starves.” He slid his eyes up and down Jensen until he raised his eyes to meet warm green ones. “So? Are we?” he asked as he moved his hand to catch and hold the one Jensen held out.

“Murray just wants to go flirt with the caterer,” Jensen answered with a smile reserved only for Jared as they stepped out of the room to enter the main part of the small chapel on the outskirts of their new home in the Tennessee Mountains. “Let’s do this.”

\---

Turning from where he’d been standing on the cabin’s back deck to watch the moon glisten on the lake down below, Jensen smiled as he faced his husband of three months. “I know you’re worried I’ll get bored or the thrill of action might make me regret the choice we both made... but I get to go to sleep with you each night, Jay. I get to wake up to see your smile each morning. Do I know there will be bumps in this road? Of course I do. Do I think if you do this Private Investigator thing that I’ll probably end up reaching for my gun again? Yeah, I know that too. But so long as we’re together, so long as I know you’re safe, then I will never regret one damn thing,” he said, stepping away from the railing to reach up so his fingers could card back through Jared’s dark hair that once again touched his shoulders. “Do you regret anything?”

It was an old game between them since shortly after getting out of the hospital. Jensen would ask the question and Jared replied with a laundry list of things he regretted. Most of them involved failing Jensen in some way, which allowed his fiancé to simply tell him that he hadn’t failed him in any way to start to let those concerns or regrets go.

Since their wedding, the night they’d returned to the newly fixed cabin to start to build their lives together, Jared had been working at doing just that. Except that night, old doubts had resurfaced after a change in weather had caused Jensen’s knee to flare up and they’d had a small fight after Jared had hovered a bit too much, effectively annoying his husband. Waking up to find Jensen outside still made him nervous.

Feeling Jensen’s fingers carding back through his hair, brushing over his scalp, helped to remind him that they’d both made the choice to try to stay out of a life of secrets. True, Jared missed their friends, and he did look forward to trying out his new career, but change was always hard. That night as he stepped closer so Jensen’s arms could close around him, all the doubts and nerves he’d felt again slowly melted away, leaving heat racing through his veins at the kiss that claimed his mouth.

“My only regret is waking up in the middle of the night alone,” he murmured in between kisses that were teasingly light one moment and searing hot the next. “Missed you, Jen.”

“I didn’t plan to be out here that long to be honest.” Jensen traced his fingers down Jared’s bare chest, touching the scars he wished his husband didn’t have from a time he wished hadn’t happened for either of them. “I needed air and I wanted to let you sleep.” He kissed the scar on Jared’s shoulder, a reminder of the bullet wound and the day at the cabin. “I’m sorry if I worried you, Jay.”

Jared suspected it might have been a nightmare or memory that had caused Jensen to retreat outside; it had been something he’d noticed Jensen doing after their return to the cabin if he had a nightmare or something triggered a memory or trauma. Sharing the deeper emotions, the darker thoughts or memories, were things that Jared knew and accepted Jensen still had a hard time doing. He always gave him the space he needed when those moments happened. “Do you want to be alone?” he asked.

“No, I had enough alone time. Now I want to take my husband back to bed and make love to him.” Jensen stepped closer so their chests touched, lips curving up slowly while curling his fingers into thick dark hair. “Or do you want to go back to sleep?” he asked with a teasing grin.

“Sleep or sex with you? Gee, I wonder which one I’ll choose.” Jared smirked, laughing as he went to take a step back only to feel the hand in his hair close and his head tugged back so the length of his neck exposed to the lips that suddenly locked onto the pulse point. “I’m guessing sleep?”

“Smart ass,” Jensen growled, meeting the next kiss fully and letting go of any leftover heaviness that he might have still felt from the earlier nightmare in favor of kissing Jared deeply and loving the laugh he heard in return.

The path from the cabin’s rear deck to the bedroom was filled with kisses, moans of need, and desire. They left a trail of lost clothes as they moved until finally Jared’s back hit the soft mattress with a laugh that quickly turned to a moan. He watched Jensen’s deep emerald green eyes lock with his while his husband climbed up onto the bed and his lips closed over the head of Jared’s cock, slowly sucking on it.

“Oh my… fuck!” Jared’s head went back on the pillow, fingers digging into the sheets as he silently swore not to move, to give Jensen the time to do what he knew from experience his husband was so good at. But between the feeling of those soft, hot lips suckling the mushroom head of his cock… their slow slide downwards... and the light touch of a calloused fingertip brushing against the puckered rim of his hole...  Jared knew he’d lost that battle when he felt his hips thrust up.

They’d made love earlier in the evening, because despite everything else in their lives the one thing Jensen had always made certain of was if they fought, even a small squabble, that it was cleared up before bed. He knew Jared would still be loose for him, but he still preferred to make certain and because he loved the sounds the younger man would make as he prepped him carefully, slowly.

“Jensen… damn… you are way too good with that mouth!” Jared gasped, pushing his hair out of his face so he could watch Jensen’s face. He knew no matter how many times they did this, he’d never get bored of watching Jensen. It was at times like this when his husband was focused on him, on what he was doing, that all of Jensen’s emotional walls were down and he looked younger, more relaxed as well as purely happy. “Jen… don’ wanna come until you’re inside me. If I do now I’m going to crash and…”

Pulling off with a wet pop, Jensen moved until he was stretched out beside Jared on the large queen size bed. He leaned over to kiss him slowly, deeply, smiling against Jared’s mouth as he heard the soft whimper of pleasure that was caused both by the kiss as well as the taste of himself on Jensen’s lips.

Running his lips along the hard edge of Jared’s jaw, feeling the slight scruff that had already formed despite Jared shaving daily, Jensen had to admit this light rough feeling as he kissed Jared might actually be something he could come to enjoy. Especially when it made Jared shiver as Jensen’s teeth raked over his jaw before sliding down his throat to find and lock onto his pulse point to suck on it until there’d be marks in the morning.

“Top or bottom?” Jensen asked, tone deeper and huskier as it got when emotions were building as was his for Jared.

As a general rule right from the first time they’d made love, it was known that Jensen would top. Jared had never asked but had accepted his boyfriend had had triggers even before his capture by Rolston. Since they reunited and had slowly picked up this part of their relationship, he had also never questioned or doubted if or when they made love that Jensen would be in control.

The night of their honeymoon, Jared had been shocked when Jensen asked him to top. And while Jared had hesitantly done so, it had been discussed and decided between them that Jared would top only if Jensen felt comfortable asking him to.

Right then when he heard the question, he opened his eyes after they’d closed to enjoy the feel of Jensen’s lips kissing down his chest, teasing his hardening nipples while using his tongue to trace the scars on Jared’s chest.

Looking at Jensen now showed Jared that his husband’s face looked calm, but due to his earlier nightmares it made him wary about topping that night. “Your knee hurting?” he asked instead, understanding at the merest incline of Jensen’s head what had brought the question up and also how to handle it since it was something they’d done before while Jensen’s knee had been healing.

“I won’t top, because I think we both know you can’t bottom tonight but…” Jared moved so he could push up to an elbow, reaching for Jensen with his other hand and already seeing that he understood what he was planning. Jensen pressed a soft kiss into the palm of Jared’s hand before stretching back out on the bed on his back. “I love you, Jensen,” he went on after a moment of silence passed between them, all the words and emotions passing between them in a mere look instead of words. “Trust me?”

“Always and forever, Jared,” Jensen replied with just the barest shake in a voice that had thickened in a rush of feelings for this man who had been willing so many times to change his life, to accept whatever came, by loving him and by standing by him even when he could have given up at the belief of Jensen’s death.

To hear Jared use words that Jensen had so many times asked him, it had just felt natural for him to use the very words Jared had spoken to him that day outside when trust had been so crucial if either of them had a chance at surviving.

Dimples popping out with Jared’s smile, he leaned down so their lips could meet in a kiss that was much slower. He lifted himself up, positioning himself over Jensen’s very ready and already dripping cock, but let his husband control the speed in which Jared’s body slid down.

Locking eyes, Jared watched Jensen’s face for any signs on unease but a quick pinch to his thigh told him that he’d been staring too long so Jensen had realized what had been happening.

Topping from the bottom was something Jensen only did if his knee was hurting too bad or felt too weak to hold him for a long period of time. It still gave him control, which he knew was what Jared preferred, but that night as he laid still to watch Jared’s face as he worked to go slow, to not rush or come down too quickly he got reminded of how young Jared could still look when he wasn’t focused on anything serious or dwelling on memories or thoughts of their future or fears of failing in this new endeavor.

“Jay, I love you, but if you don’t move soon I’m going to risk the pain in my knee to flip you and do this myself,” he finally growled, giving a light pinch to Jared’s thigh when he realized he’d been staring at him and possibly why. “I’m okay. We’re okay. Now finish putting my cock in your ass before we both fall asleep.”

“Can you be a bossy bottom if you’re topping while on the bottom?” Jared asked, eyes more gold with desire but his teasing grin was what made Jensen laugh fully, deeply, and with a love that he hoped never faded.

“I don’t know but you can make a note to ask that to Chad that next time he calls to complain that Chris is a jackass. That should keep him from calling for about a month since it’ll cause him to think too much,” Jensen replied with a grin, hips thrusting up as he reached his hands up so he could touch Jared with teasing touches. He trailed one hand back down Jared’s chest,  wrapping his fingers around Jared’s weeping cock and loving the way his husband’s lashes fluttered closed at the first firm stroke of skilled fingers down his length.

The other reason Jensen enjoyed making love with Jared this way was it allowed him to touch his husband while watching his face. It had been easy for Jensen to see from their first time together that touch was something Jared needed during sex and not just the usual because Jensen had figured out that even the most basic of touches got a reaction out of the younger man.

A teasing kiss, the gentle caresses, could earn him as much a reaction from Jared as Jensen’s cock hitting his prostate… which he just did if Jensen judging by Jared’s shout of his name a moment before he came hard and fast, white strips of come hitting Jensen’s hand, chest and painting Jared’s stomach. Jensen focused on easing his grip so he could still help Jared get the most of his orgasm, trying to hold back his own until he saw Jared’s now fully dilated eyes slowly open to lock on his.

Pushing up so he was sitting up, Jensen used one arm to bring Jared against him. Their mouths found one another in a series of searing kisses, and soon words were no longer needed or wanted; both men knew the other well enough to know how to move, especially since this position brought Jensen’s cock to where it was a near constant pressure against Jared’s prostate. Jared met each kiss fully, their tongues meeting and playing in each other’s mouths, and Jensen could feel his own body tightening with need. After a few more thrusts, he felt his balls tighten and then fell over the edge into his own climax.

Jared had been half lost in his climax, body moving in time with Jensen as they shared  kisses and touches over each other’s bodies. He could tell Jensen was close so when he felt him jerk, a second before feeling hot come filling him. Jared moaned and finished the fall.

Another whimper from Jared had Jensen easing his hand away from a cock that had now become too sensitive to touch, but he kept his other arm wrapped tightly around his husband, easing back to the bed and bringing Jared with him. Jensen smiled at the blissed out expression on Jared’s face, his husband limp and sated in his arms, mumbling softly against Jensen’s lips.

“I’ll hold you, Jay. I always hold you after we make love,” he promised, but knew Jared’s brain had shut down both from exhaustion and pleasure. He took this time to let his body come down from its high, then merely laid still to let his body cool, his heart slow, and to hold Jared against his chest. He smiled as he took in how young and innocent Jared looked when he slept deeply.

Running his fingers down the center of Jared’s back, Jensen kissed him lightly before knowing he had to move to at least wipe them off and pull on shorts before he lost the battle with his suddenly heavy lids. “Shh, just grabbing something to clean us up a bit because it was a pain in the ass the last time we fell to sleep after making love and this stuff dried,” he murmured to reassure a sleepy Jared when he began to wake up at the feeling of Jensen moving away from him.

Grabbing a shirt from the floor suited Jensen at the moment. He wiped them both clean and then pulled on a pair of sleep pants before turning and managing to get a pair up Jared’s long legs. He slid back onto the bed,  chuckling as Jared moved until he was in his arms, head on Jensen’s chest as their fingers meshed in a light hold.

“Love you, Jensen,” Jared murmured, lifting his face enough for the kiss he knew would be there before settling back to go to sleep.

“And I love you, Jared,” Jensen replied, watching Jared fall to sleep before closing his own eyes. He hoped sleep would come and hopefully be undisturbed this time.

He wasn’t certain what their future held, but Jensen knew no matter what they did or what happened, he would always love Jared. Every day he would be grateful that despite the pain and fears of that dreaded time, that his heart hadn’t been blind and so had led him home.

**The End**

 

**Prompt art**

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**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story as well as all the pieces of art scattered in. Thanks for reading.


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